Monday, September 9, 2019

Day 750 When I feel Sad/Happy regarding others Decisions to learn


The story of seeing a girl at an age 10 and seeing all of her potential and then seeing her 3 years later and seeing all of that potential Squashed.

This is one out of many stories of humanity. The basic truth of all people, is that we’re all quite troubled, and that we at an early age in childhood had that potential and beauty. If you see all of the adults who are supposedly wretched, see how they used to be before, before they were like that, and even before then. Keep going back and you will see we all had that potential on our faces. That potential is there still, even though its deep down.

It breaks my heart when I see that potential squashed. I haven’t learned how to deal with that. But that potential in humanity is the most beautiful thing there is. This is what I live for. I live for the potential of humanity and for myself. I don’t live for what is only here as in the status quo. I don’t live for continuing just the same thing everyday. I live for the potential of the development and growth of us, of our expression, where we can be more expressive, more creative, more crazy or more relaxed. To be able to have fun in unusual ways. Or to be able to support others in surprising ways.

If a person dies, its one thing. They die, its not so bad for me.

If a person moves away or leaves, its not so bad either.

But if a person squashes potential, they destroy it, they really remove potential for growth, understanding, development--- that is what gets me deep in my core.

When someone says no to an open door- when someone says no to seeing what’s more, when someone closing off from the rest of the world, there is nothing more sadder than that.

I am trying to understand that, or recover from hearing such news. I myself feel like giving up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone closing the door to learning
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone closes the door to potential of learning more
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone squashes their potential to hear more
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone shows a lot of potential but then squashes it and ends it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel deeply hurt when someone closes themselves off from listening or hearing more

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I can’t live without people open to their potential
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for people who are open to learning, and instead of living for Life itself in all people, including those who have closed themselves off.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I am alone when someone closes themselves off from me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel crazy when someone showed a lot of potential and just suddenly closed off all potential at once

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose faith in myself and my process because another closed themselves off

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to understand their reason to close themselves off, because there is no good reason, just an excuse and just their process they are creating for themselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that no matter what we are all in this together, including those who have closed themselves off, and that in the end we will all be at the same place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy with seeing people who live their potential and are open to learning

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel rewarded with seeing people applying themselves and learning

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like it’s a gift to witness someone challenge themselves and be victorious

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to see people succeed, and learn something new

When and as I see myself feeling sad in seeing someone close off to their potential to learn/grow- I stop and I breathe- I realize that we are all walking process, and that its up to each one to define, decide and determine their own process – I realize that what others do or what happens or how things happen won’t matter, because one way or another what is best for all and oneness and equality will happen, that this is the destiny of Life/existence- I realize that one’s personal experience will be affected by our decisions in process- I realize that celebrating someone else’s victory as if its my own is not needed and is my own creation, and that I can instead express as a self-expression instead of a conditional reaction as feelings- I realize that each one’s achievements is their own and it is for them to celebrate and enjoy- I realize its not my victory or defeat regarding what others do with their process and time on earth.

I commit myself to live my stability in not being reactive or emotionally involved in others processes, and their movements and decisions, and to not judge or react regarding any decision they make.

I commit myself to respect everyone’s process.

I commit myself to be just an equal to everyone, instead of something like a cheerleader or a teacher which would react to how others are doing.

When and as I see myself feeling happy in seeing someone learn something new and embody some of their potential- I stop and I breathe- I realize that how I feel about it has no bearing on their process- I realize that my own positive reaction is connected to the negative of feeling sad when someone closes themselves off- I realize that their own victories and achievements is all on their own even if I was involved in helping, it was still up to them- I realize that what matters is that they walk their process and that is entirely up to them, I have no say in that or influence in that- I realize that we are all the same in regards to we all are walking in process in one way or another, and we all determine our own process.

I commit myself to be supportive in how I can to everyone whether they are open to it or they are closed to it, I will support/act accordingly

I commit myself to recognize that each one walks their process and creates their own path and that I respect that and know that in the end we will all meet.

I commit myself to express myself unconditionally and that if I do celebrate with someone that it is my self expression and not as a reaction of feeling good.

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