Day 750 When I feel Sad/Happy regarding others Decisions to learn
The story of seeing a girl at an age 10 and seeing all of
her potential and then seeing her 3 years later and seeing all of that
potential Squashed.
This is one out of many stories of humanity. The basic truth
of all people, is that we’re all quite troubled, and that we at an early age in
childhood had that potential and beauty. If you see all of the adults who are
supposedly wretched, see how they used to be before, before they were like
that, and even before then. Keep going back and you will see we all had that
potential on our faces. That potential is there still, even though its deep
down.
It breaks my heart when I see that potential squashed. I
haven’t learned how to deal with that. But that potential in humanity is the
most beautiful thing there is. This is what I live for. I live for the
potential of humanity and for myself. I don’t live for what is only here as in
the status quo. I don’t live for continuing just the same thing everyday. I
live for the potential of the development and growth of us, of our expression,
where we can be more expressive, more creative, more crazy or more relaxed. To
be able to have fun in unusual ways. Or to be able to support others in
surprising ways.
If a person dies, its one thing. They die, its not so bad
for me.
If a person moves away or leaves, its not so bad either.
But if a person squashes potential, they destroy it, they
really remove potential for growth, understanding, development--- that is what
gets me deep in my core.
When someone says no to an open door- when someone says no
to seeing what’s more, when someone closing off from the rest of the world,
there is nothing more sadder than that.
I am trying to understand that, or recover from hearing such
news. I myself feel like giving up.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
sad when someone closing the door to learning
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
sad when someone closes the door to potential of learning more
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
sad when someone squashes their potential to hear more
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
sad when someone shows a lot of potential but then squashes it and ends it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
deeply hurt when someone closes themselves off from listening or hearing more
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
like I can’t live without people open to their potential
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live
for people who are open to learning, and instead of living for Life itself in
all people, including those who have closed themselves off.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
like I am alone when someone closes themselves off from me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
crazy when someone showed a lot of potential and just suddenly closed off all
potential at once
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose
faith in myself and my process because another closed themselves off
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want
to understand their reason to close themselves off, because there is no good
reason, just an excuse and just their process they are creating for themselves
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
see that no matter what we are all in this together, including those who have
closed themselves off, and that in the end we will all be at the same place.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
happy with seeing people who live their potential and are open to learning
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
rewarded with seeing people applying themselves and learning
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
like it’s a gift to witness someone challenge themselves and be victorious
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire
to see people succeed, and learn something new
When and as I see myself feeling sad in seeing someone close
off to their potential to learn/grow- I stop and I breathe- I realize that we
are all walking process, and that its up to each one to define, decide and
determine their own process – I realize that what others do or what happens or
how things happen won’t matter, because one way or another what is best for all
and oneness and equality will happen, that this is the destiny of
Life/existence- I realize that one’s personal experience will be affected by
our decisions in process- I realize that celebrating someone else’s victory as
if its my own is not needed and is my own creation, and that I can instead
express as a self-expression instead of a conditional reaction as feelings- I
realize that each one’s achievements is their own and it is for them to celebrate
and enjoy- I realize its not my victory or defeat regarding what others do with
their process and time on earth.
I commit myself to live my stability in not being reactive
or emotionally involved in others processes, and their movements and decisions,
and to not judge or react regarding any decision they make.
I commit myself to respect everyone’s process.
I commit myself to be just an equal to everyone, instead of
something like a cheerleader or a teacher which would react to how others are
doing.
When and as I see myself feeling happy in seeing someone
learn something new and embody some of their potential- I stop and I breathe- I
realize that how I feel about it has no bearing on their process- I realize
that my own positive reaction is connected to the negative of feeling sad when
someone closes themselves off- I realize that their own victories and
achievements is all on their own even if I was involved in helping, it was
still up to them- I realize that what matters is that they walk their process
and that is entirely up to them, I have no say in that or influence in that- I
realize that we are all the same in regards to we all are walking in process in
one way or another, and we all determine our own process.
I commit myself to be supportive in how I can to everyone
whether they are open to it or they are closed to it, I will support/act
accordingly
I commit myself to recognize that each one walks their
process and creates their own path and that I respect that and know that in the
end we will all meet.
I commit myself to express myself unconditionally and that
if I do celebrate with someone that it is my self expression and not as a
reaction of feeling good.
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