Monday, February 10, 2020

Day 801 A tough point to walk through

Revenge of the Ego is a recording Bernard did.

And I see an explanation for something I went through which happened through an unexpected way.

Bernard used an example of a relationship and how in the beginning of the relationship it was pure, and real. And how slowly over time the ego inserts thoughts that make you doubt it. Is this the right person? Is this where I am supposed to be? Is this the right place?

And how it sabotages the whole point. So what i am seeing is that this happened to me, but with my career choice and goal. Because in the beginning I was happy, and excited, motivated, and willing to walk it and looking forward to it. But then it slowly went into doubt. Is this the right goal? Is there something else I should be doing? Are these the right people?

And I can see how it fell apart, and how the ego took me to the point where I would give up.

And like Bernard said that its more advanced than me, the mind is more superior than ourselves. It has more info, it moves faster. This is all true. And he said he had two things: he had Breath, and he had a point that was real, which are moments that reveal themselves in your life: something Real.

So I see something that does empower me specifically is understanding and writing out this whole point. Because now I understand what happened. Its not a secret anymore. And my reactions were all fake, they weren't me sincerely making decisions. They were me reacting disingenuously. All reactions are disingenuous. And all decisions are sincere.

The Revenge of the Ego is specific because it will use the point which would give me my freedom and really make me strong. But Bernard said, the point he held onto inside of himself is what really made him strong. For me the point is that We are all One and Equal, and it is my application of Blog writing- to share and be open and walk the point. Cause like Bernard said: leave a record of at least 10,000 blogs and vlogs so that if you fall, someone else can pickup where you left off, and so use it to help them.

So my career choice would free me and free others. It will empower me and others. It will be a pivotal point of support and change. And so yes the ego went to sabotage it to take revenge. It was my vision for my future, for our future, it was my excitement to do, to give, to live by duty, to apply more, to create something that is new, useful, practical, and empowering.

And I can see all the doubt creeping in. Maybe they won't be ready. Maybe I should be doing something else. What if everything falls because I wasn't doing what I am supposed to be doing. What if... What if... So I can see how the doubt cast its shadow. And it happened slowly over time.

So I will open these doubts one by one.

Maybe I am supposed to have more free time to help others. Maybe I am not supposed to be super busy making money.

Maybe others depend on me being available. Maybe things will all fall if I am super busy. Maybe I am supposed to be more of a leader or teacher.

So what I do is forgive myself and free everyone to lead themselves and create their own lives, and if they fall they fall, it won't be because I wasn't there. It won't be my fault or my responsibility. I won't be personally responsible. So i free myself to do my career, to be busy with that, and so not so available.

"Maybe I am supposed to do some career or write a book, or do a psychology things, or create a project in the system or something."

I let this go, I let go of what I am supposed to or not supposed to be doing. I give up predictions, and knowing the future. I give up regrets about not making different choices. I give up feeling personally being responsible for how things turn out in the world system in terms of what my choices create/make happen. I give up being responsible for my career choices affecting or changing the outcomes of things. I give up blaming myself for not having divine knowledge or divination to know what's going to happen, what's the best choice, what the results will be. I accept my mortality, I accept my limitation, and I accept that what I am choosing is my choice and I have no way of knowing if its the best choice or what's really going to happen. I accept the unknown and the unacceptable. And I accept my career choice.

As you can see, all of my doubts centered around the time dimension, of the future, of the past when I am in the future and I am looking at the past choices which is my current choice: Of how it will affect others over time, of playouts in my mind, and what I am seeing as images and outcomes in my mind, which are my imaginations, but I am taking it seriously. Worries, doubts, unsure, and I don't know. So I accept that I don't know. I accept the unacceptable. I let go of any and all regret regarding my career choice, or any outcome. I accept my limitations. I free myself. And I chose this choice, and I let go of knowing or claiming it will be the best choice. I hold onto the fact that it is my choice, which I make within all that I have access to right now, within my limitation of now knowing the future, but I can see and know what is here right now.

No one knows what the future will bring.

I am scared seeing the future playouts for people, to see what happens to them, to see them fall and fail.

I accept whatever happens or will happen. Its not within my control and power: what choices others make.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future, to fear seeing what will happen with people, and what becomes of them, as I walk into the future in this moment. I choose to accept what is here, and the future as it arrives.

Lets continue doing what is best for all within this world of limitations.

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