The best ship is love... um. No. 232

The Relation- Ship Construct. Yay!!!

So I have recently mined into a significant vein of the relationship construct of mine. So I made a better deep dent, into parts I didn't see, or at least have suppressed, for a long time. But this is just one part, and there were more points that revealed themselves today! So I will be recap what I have already looked at for myself, and delving into these new points. 

So in my personal writings and self-forgiveness I uncovered that within the relationship constrict, and particularly the desire for a relationship, I am actually desiring many points. I am desiring pleasure, to be cared for, to be serviced for example. And within that the greatest desire of them all, sex, which really is just pleasure. This I found being sourced to early childhood experiences of love, and being CARED for (note the wording). As a baby you are helpless, and in my life in particular I was extremely well cared for and I experience energy which I called the love point, surrounding having my meets met, with me simply asking/being on the receiving end. So obviously I am not a baby anymore, yet this desire energy is still here, which has been defined to this experience of a baby, having my needs met, being cared for, being loved, all WORDS which are interconnected and defined, and being generalized and extended TO relationships with all people, especially the sexual one. 

These above realizations explains who I am in this life accurately, and why I acted and had particular behavior in relation to relationships. 

So within analyzing what is my Perfect Dream, or the best case scenario, according to my feelings/mind, it would literally be meeting a girl, her saying she is in love me with, she takes me back to her apartment, and basically have sex. Another interesting point is that she would also be wealthy, and we would have lots of sex. So these indicate a point of desire for money/wealth, and for More more more, so the desire for more. I would say this does accurately describe to an extent my first encounter with a girl, where I DID simply jumped into the relationship at the moment she indicated a verbal positive answer to being in love with me. So what's is going on here?

So within someone saying they are in love with me, what am I accessing, I am perceiving that they are like me, want to be serviced, and so are in a point of vulnerability and potentially being manipulated, like me. So I use that opportunity for my desires purposes, within understanding that the person is simply giving permission to be abused. Now why do I say abused?

It is an abuse to simply follow these desires, as how I did in reality, and what my dream is. Why? Because I do not give myself the greatest gift in reality, to get to know a person. Because realistically, honestly, you will only spend a small percentage of a time with a person having sex. The majority of the time, won't be sex. Sex doesn't really take up your whole day. So what do you do with the whole day with the person? So you see it really doesn't make sense. And it is such a gift to know a person, and that can only be done through words, and speaking. So that's why this whole construct and design is abusive, to me and whoever I get involved with. 

The last thing I would like to cover is how we as humans change how we look, and how we act, when we are trying to essentially, trap someone in our game. Also how we have already programmed ourselves to look for those people changing how they look and act. So it works both ways. Like attracts like. So I could only fall into someone's trap if I also am trying to have someone else to fall into my trap. So really, you trap each other, or you trap yourself, because of what you have accepted and allowed. So that's a cool indication, for me personally that when I am reacting to how someone acts/looks/appears and specifically my relationship construct is activating with thoughts and feelings on relationship with this person then that is on Me, that is my responsibility and that is what I am doing in the moment, and who I am. Okay so this is the last point. Enjoyyyy!