Day 49 The Family Construct
When two people come together to start a family, their relationship as a couple while raising their kids is imprinted and transferred into their children. This is what I will be describing today. In past blogs I have analyzed described how parents imprint themselves onto their kids, but this was in the context of the parents as Individuals. Today, I am specifically looking at the Relationship of the parents, and how that imprints onto the children. Looking at this specific dimensions yields new insights onto this subject.
In the general knowledge and beliefs people have, I have observed people saying that its important that a child's parents stay married and divorce causes harm. I have also heard about research studies looking at fighting, and yelling and general abusive environment and how that also harms the child emotionally, and mentally, affecting their development.
Within my own self-work, through the desteni tools, I focus primarily on helping myself to transcend patterns, constructs, habits, personality points that were learned across my life, which includes today's topic. What I have seen and will be sharing is how the specific relationship the parents (patterns) had with each other was transferred into the children and affects the Self-relationship, using myself as the case study example. I invite you to self-reflect into your own experience and dig deep to uncover the suppressed memories you have.
So, we start. Imagine if your parent's relationship is an entity. Imagine if there would be some creature, or some, image that would represent the relationship of your parents. What would that be? I say this because when two people come together (no matter who they are) and they form/create a family, those two people, in many ways, become like one person. That one person is the relationship. If you are having trouble understanding consider this situation. Remember the times you have seen a couple. When you see two people in a romantic/partner relationship it is as if they are one person, or they are somehow different than they normally are apart. There is something there that is unique and can be distinguished. It is very clear that those two people are in a relationship with each other.
Looking at my example here. I have clear memories of my parents where they were happy with each other, and also clear memories of when they were mad at each other. I have clear memories when they would insult each other, be mean, yell and get angry. I can remember them being clearly annoyed with each other. Seeing this Taught me that it is okay to be mad at someone and argue with them, and insult them because you still love each other.
I expect the same can be said for many other parents around the world. Now, this is actually a bad lesson to learn. Because it is a lesson to accept and allow abuse, and insults, and fighting. What makes all of these things okay is Love. So the children, including me, would accept the exact same standards and treatment from others, as long as they love you (some of the time).
Growing up within the family, us children received the imprint of our parents relationship onto us, just like children all across the world with their own family. What is interesting that I observed is how when the family is by itself, away from strangers, we act and behave much differently. In front of non-family members we would be very polite and nice, but as soon as we were alone we wouldn't hesitate in saying something mean or insulting, annoying each other etc... I can see the same across my individual family members that when they are with their own friends or out in work, they are professional and well-behaved, but as soon as they are alone with family they change their attitudes.
Looking at myself, when I would share and open up myself, what I see about the world with friends or strangers I would most often be treated with respect and be heard with common decency. Though when I do the same with family most of the time it is something dismissal, aggressive or something mean.
Within myself and within my thoughts I can see the family construct which is the complete assimilation of the relationship of the family members which originate from the relationship of the parents or primary caregivers. This has an affect on the self-relationship. It fuels thoughts that are self-demeaning, self-deprecating, self-insulting, self-attacking, and self-destructive. This can be described as the very essence of the relationship the parents had throughout time.
Through the Desteni tools I can remove this from myself. It is essentially removing the entire relationship the parents had as a memory imprint on your relationship with yourself, how you view yourself, how you speak to yourself in your head, and how you treat yourself in daily life. This in turn changes how you affect, treat, and speak to others.
Throughout time we have made it okay to insult each other, fight, argue, yell and be mean. We made it okay, in the name of Love. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can have a relationship with someone else where there is no fighting, no yelling, no arguing, no insulting, and not being mean. We actually do it all the time when meeting someone new, and making friends, and even initially in relationships. But what we haven't done is stop accepting and allowing all the bad things that arise through time.
So study the desteni tools, like self-forgiveness so you can start releasing the patterns and constructs within you.
www.Desteni.org
Its important to do this so that one day when you have a family that the relationship you have with your partner will be a shining example for your new family. Through this way we can change the world, through changing ourselves, and so the life of the future generations.
In the general knowledge and beliefs people have, I have observed people saying that its important that a child's parents stay married and divorce causes harm. I have also heard about research studies looking at fighting, and yelling and general abusive environment and how that also harms the child emotionally, and mentally, affecting their development.
Within my own self-work, through the desteni tools, I focus primarily on helping myself to transcend patterns, constructs, habits, personality points that were learned across my life, which includes today's topic. What I have seen and will be sharing is how the specific relationship the parents (patterns) had with each other was transferred into the children and affects the Self-relationship, using myself as the case study example. I invite you to self-reflect into your own experience and dig deep to uncover the suppressed memories you have.
So, we start. Imagine if your parent's relationship is an entity. Imagine if there would be some creature, or some, image that would represent the relationship of your parents. What would that be? I say this because when two people come together (no matter who they are) and they form/create a family, those two people, in many ways, become like one person. That one person is the relationship. If you are having trouble understanding consider this situation. Remember the times you have seen a couple. When you see two people in a romantic/partner relationship it is as if they are one person, or they are somehow different than they normally are apart. There is something there that is unique and can be distinguished. It is very clear that those two people are in a relationship with each other.
Looking at my example here. I have clear memories of my parents where they were happy with each other, and also clear memories of when they were mad at each other. I have clear memories when they would insult each other, be mean, yell and get angry. I can remember them being clearly annoyed with each other. Seeing this Taught me that it is okay to be mad at someone and argue with them, and insult them because you still love each other.
I expect the same can be said for many other parents around the world. Now, this is actually a bad lesson to learn. Because it is a lesson to accept and allow abuse, and insults, and fighting. What makes all of these things okay is Love. So the children, including me, would accept the exact same standards and treatment from others, as long as they love you (some of the time).
Growing up within the family, us children received the imprint of our parents relationship onto us, just like children all across the world with their own family. What is interesting that I observed is how when the family is by itself, away from strangers, we act and behave much differently. In front of non-family members we would be very polite and nice, but as soon as we were alone we wouldn't hesitate in saying something mean or insulting, annoying each other etc... I can see the same across my individual family members that when they are with their own friends or out in work, they are professional and well-behaved, but as soon as they are alone with family they change their attitudes.
Looking at myself, when I would share and open up myself, what I see about the world with friends or strangers I would most often be treated with respect and be heard with common decency. Though when I do the same with family most of the time it is something dismissal, aggressive or something mean.
Within myself and within my thoughts I can see the family construct which is the complete assimilation of the relationship of the family members which originate from the relationship of the parents or primary caregivers. This has an affect on the self-relationship. It fuels thoughts that are self-demeaning, self-deprecating, self-insulting, self-attacking, and self-destructive. This can be described as the very essence of the relationship the parents had throughout time.
Through the Desteni tools I can remove this from myself. It is essentially removing the entire relationship the parents had as a memory imprint on your relationship with yourself, how you view yourself, how you speak to yourself in your head, and how you treat yourself in daily life. This in turn changes how you affect, treat, and speak to others.
Throughout time we have made it okay to insult each other, fight, argue, yell and be mean. We made it okay, in the name of Love. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can have a relationship with someone else where there is no fighting, no yelling, no arguing, no insulting, and not being mean. We actually do it all the time when meeting someone new, and making friends, and even initially in relationships. But what we haven't done is stop accepting and allowing all the bad things that arise through time.
So study the desteni tools, like self-forgiveness so you can start releasing the patterns and constructs within you.
www.Desteni.org
Its important to do this so that one day when you have a family that the relationship you have with your partner will be a shining example for your new family. Through this way we can change the world, through changing ourselves, and so the life of the future generations.
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