Day 685 - Reacting in Worthlessness

Being/Feeling Worthless

I felt and believed I was worthless because as a kid I was quiet, shy, I didn't know what to say or what to do. I didn't know how to have conversations or speak. When it came to the girls I had crushes on, that I liked, I didn't know how to speak to them. And to one particular girl who made me her friend, who was super friendly to me, and spent time with me, and invited me to things, I felt/believed I was still worthless, I was too worthless to be with her. I was too worthless for her. I am quiet. I am shy. I don't know how to speak.

This self-perception carried on within me. As I grew older and met other girls/women that I had crushes on, that I eventually dated, I still saw myself as too worthless to be with them. As I was with them, held hands with them as we walked, I still saw myself as worthless. I was afraid to say something stupid or I was afraid I wouldn't know what to say. I was afraid I was still too quiet, too shy, too inexperienced, too socially inept.

I have still carried this around in me, even though since I was a kid I have learned much and practiced much in terms of speaking and communicating with people. In terms of reading social cues, and in how to approach certain subjects. Not only that, I have developed great qualities, like being courageous and very honest/direct with people, being open, willing to put myself out there, take risks, being comfortable with myself, being at ease with people and being patient and listen to people. I am someone who perseveres. Does this make me worthless?

Being worthless should be erased as a phrase from existence. No one should live/say I am worthless. No one.

I was afraid as  kid, and I didn't have much experience and practice. I didn't know how to face fears and stop them, something I was able to do with desteni. See www.desteni.org www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  Ideally this is TAUGHT to kids early on, where kids are shown how to work with things like fears and really release them for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe, say and think I am worthless, and too worthless to be with people, to be friends, or to date.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe,say and think I am too worthless and cannot change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let anyone say, believe or think that they are worthless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing worthlessness to exist in reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not enough, I am worthless, because I was way too quiet as a kid, I felt so shy, I didn’t know how to speak well and clearly, and speak without fears, and present myself well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not good enough and worthless to have friends and girlfriends because I was shy when I was younger, and I was different and I am still different now, and I embrace my differences, I embrace my truth/honesty of who I am and how I see the world, and how I relate to the world.

I embrace my differences, I embrace my truth, I embrace where I am in this point in time in my process, and I embrace ME within that.

Thank you for reading my blog,
as a special note: Eqafe has launched Eqafe Unlimited, which allows you access to the entire library of Eqafe for a monthly subscription, just like Netflix. Its cheap and affordable. I have used eqafe to find and search for a point I had trouble with in process, such as anger, or fears. It always gave me that extra hint/clue to help me along in opening up a point in writing. Check it out! www.eqafe.com

Relevant eqafe interview: