Sunday, April 7, 2019

Day 709 All about Dating

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl9XjNV__eQ


So I watch this youtube channel with these people doing improv comedy all the time. Its really funny sometimes. I like the Try not to laugh challenge videos. And so I was watching some new videos today and laughing. And here is one of the videos about Dating. Whats cool in some of these videos is that they open up about things. Being very open about the realness of living and stuff going on. That openness is a cool dimension. When I get access to someone else being open..... that then opens up points for me to look at and consider.

So in this video I'm linking its about dating. So I'm going to open up this dimension here for myself and for what's best for all.

So first of all, one thing I have learned from experience is that there is ALL kinds of people out there, All kinds. And so within knowing that there is all kinds, who I am in my approach is that point of not assuming or believing things, and kind of cautiously, slowly explore points...  So for example you will have people that will flirt with you even though they have a boyfriend, I have experienced that. And its not to judge, but to be aware that FLIRTING doesn't mean anything in itself.

So again the approach of not assuming/believing things, but in either being DIRECT, or in being chill and getting to know someone. One thing that often gets mixed I would say is like believing if someone is NOT going to be a "girlfriend" boyfriend, or life-long partner, then they can't be a friend. Kind of like cutting off someone and not considering them as a friend. That is someone I learned on Eqafe actually, from an interview there. See www.Eqafe.com in the relationship series. Look under Categories and under Sex and Relationships

Also what one has to be clear on is what one wants ONESELF, like each to know what they personally want or would like to experience. Some people are more casual like in dating or in casual relationships and they don't want a commitment. And that is something to respect and not to judge. And you can't or shouldn't FORCE someone to change, like to make things work. So then you have people who are more looking for that life long commitment, someone to build a life with that is shared. It is certainly disastrous to have the two persons not agreeing on that point, or not on the same page.

Now something that should be considered is that if you are looking for that life long commitment, 2 things, ONE is that you don't have to rush into it, in fact you should take plenty of time, to get to know the person, and see how things would playout, how well you work together, and what are your weaknesses together and what are your strengths? And there will be weaknesses cause no one is PERFECT. Some people say 6 months or 1 year of time.

The second point is being quite OPEN in the getting to know stages, BUT you also don't have to let the flood gates open all at once. So the openness point is more of the warning that when things get SERIOUS in a relationship how only then slowly the REAL person comes out... that is partially how/why divorces or breakups occur, because we weren't open in some ways and didn't allow both to assess each other and know what we are getting into. At the same time though UNDERSTANDABLY we can't be open about EVERYTHING with a person. At least right away.

It is a fine line and mushy. Its not a hard/fast rule here. But certainly its to take it slow, and kind of slowly be open, and for sure SHOW your BEST self, but also get used to showing that not so pretty/beautiful sides of ourselves, however ALWAYS take responsibility for it. Always. I mean speaking here, I know theres SOOOO many emotions/feelings insecurities around this points for people in general. It is awkward, it is weird, it is different. It is scary.

I think the most important thing to take away is to be yourself, which may be the hardest THING to do with dating. We tend to put a persona on, an idea on. Like how they share in the dating video. Cause it is a point of being seen, and being assessed/judged in a way but also in a PRACTICAL way. Cause we as people need to assess how a relationship would be like BUT.... two things, you can't know someone in a short meeting and it takes TIME, much time to really get to know someone, and the other thing is that YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE COMPATIBLE WITH EVERYONE!!!!!!!! Meaning that if you had a relationship with someone, guess what it might not be all that good. IT IS NOT a universal rule that you could be in a relationship with ANY person on the planet it will be quite good for you. I mean REALLY, lets be realistic here. The very idea of rejection is STUPID. By necessity there should be TONS of rejection everywhere, all the time, if you were to test the compatibility of you with everyone else instantly. And not only that...

In addition, there are PRACTICAL points to consider.... It could be age, it could be a disease like an STD, it could be location, it could be TIME, it could be the fact someone has kids or is going through DEEP issues. There could be more. Cause these things do complicate things, and there is also money. Maybe a person needs to stabilize themselves financially first.

Another point is also the PURPOSE of a relationship. And what I have experienced is that point of relationship being a point of ENERGY, of escapism from responsibility, and like a drug. So that's why we have Agreements, where its agreed to do what is BEST For all by each other, to help each other GROW more. We should participate more, vlog more and blog more as destonians, it should deepen our relationship with ourself. That's where its REALLY AMAZING. And then having kids from that starting point, as a family, WOW.

Such things though, from above, must be directed/created, its not preprogrammed to occur. The system never Intended for such a thing to happen. Yet its real creation.

If you are being yourself and someone rejects you then that's cool!!!!!!! That means that they saw who you were, and they saw it wouldn't work. But if they reject you for not being yourself, meaning that you put on a fake self... well then you missed out on showing yourself to someone and actually giving it an honest shot. Cause when it WORKS and compatible then it should be with you being yourself no? Not a fake self, then its not a cool starting point.So this is the principle. Practically though its cool to take it slow. Process wise, we need to take responsibility for every REACTION and MOVEMENT WITHIN US.

There are a ton more things that can be discussed and looked at. But would like to end it with this. Having a FRIEND within your life-long partner, well that's almost necessary by definition no? You are going to be spending a SHIT ton of time with such a person. Of course it depends how you live the word Friend. Lets just say a DEEP friendship. Cause there are Friends you are fine being with and hanging out, but LIVING WITH THAT FRIEND?????? that can be a different story, you know what Im talking about. So there is a lot more that goes with something serious like living together and sharing such a life with. Its not something to Fuck around with.

ALSO, its to look at the practically that IF a person is real and being themselves and another is being real and being themselves, and they both get to know each other, and each are living principles of taking self-responsibility, self-forgiveness, commitment to what's best for all.... that there you already have an awesome friendship, for sure. And whether that opens up to something else, something other is/will be clear or directed/questioned. Its not something 100% controlled, but its more like revealing what is here and looking at the FACTS, what is here, who are we, how are we together, what would that be like, and do I want that for myself, is this best for me/all/you? Otherwise no big deal. Cause its about what is HERE. I will repeat this part cause its important.

YOU CANNOT AND WILL NOT BE COMPATIBLE WITH EVERY PERSON. IT WILL NOT MAKE SENSE IF YOU COULD BE WITH ANY PERSON AND IT WILL BE WELLLLL.

And why are we settling for just well, okay? or good? How about shooting for AMAZING? Great amazing, Superb, the best, such a GIFT. And no matter what it will TAKE work, no matter with WHO or what person your with. It takes work, time and commitment. No matter what. So lets get real here and destroy the fantasies of relationships. We shouldn't be with just any person. So of course you are going to face rejection, cause we are all so different, and in so many different places/stages/moments. That's a good thing you don't end up with someone that is not a GREAT fit. AND it will not be EASY. The greatness of a relationships is when both individual are ready and are aligned to work together to create an amazing relationship, ready to be themselves, ready to be brave and risk humiliation. Ready to honestly check, are we a match? does this make sense?  So you see the greatest comes from within you as a self as an individual.

That is why Process is walked and is the focus and the forefront. SELF is the priority. You can't create a great relationship with a crappy self, to put it bluntly. Working on self is KEY and will always continue to be Key throughout a relationship.

You can also look at it this way, be worthy of the person you would want to be with. Or you could look at it like, love yourself to be the person you DESERVE. You don't have to pick one perspective over the other, you can see both simultaneously. Its not a competition. Be the best, be the greatest self, the greatest you. Walk the Process. www.desteni.org

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