Day 32 Manipulating through Kindness, and Niceness
So yesterday I was looking at the biases that I have toward women, which include seeing them as better, more honest, more intelligent, more trustworthy, and nice, and kind. And this was brought up thanks to looking at the manipulation that I have faced. Now I have already covered using Confidence, and using anger. And yesterday I sort of started introducing the point of using kindness, and being nice, and happy to manipulate. In this blog I am really going to focus in on this topic.
Now one context where I have constantly faced being treated with kindness and happiness is when I was a child. This is something all children face. We treat children with kindness, and being nice to them and happy. So how is this manipulation? Well, how about when you tell a child in a great big happy voice with excitement = "why don't we go over here and do some finger painting won't it be so much fun!!!" So the child gets excited by what you are saying and follows you and then starts to do finger painting. You are then satisfied with how you were able to GET the child to finger paint. Then later you start again saying: "wow, great job! Your painting looks so good!" The child again feels excited, and then tries to make another painting for you. They like it when you say that.
Okay so this is manipulation. You are bringing out feelings in the child. And the child wants to feel that way. So they start following what you say and repeat doing things that will bring out the same response from you. Congratulations, you have manipulated the child. The child is not finger painting for themselves, they are doing it for your response and feedback.
Sadly, teacher, and parents, and babysitters are considered good if they actually do this to children. But what happens later on?
Later on the parents, teachers and babysitters go CRAZY!!! Because the child constantly wants them to again be happy, and nice and kind. They want the attention. So basically they Fall in LOVE with you. They want your feedback. They want your attention. So every few minutes they will show you a NEW finger painting. And then you start getting irritated and annoyed. You then start blaming the child, when in fact YOU CREATED THE CHILD TO BE THIS WAY. You wanted to manipulate them, so congratulations you did it. You took away the child's independence, and they are now dependent on you to make them feel good about themselves. That is what all Effective and Successful teachers, caregivers, and parents are in the EYES OF THE SYSTEM, but certainly they are NOT successful or effective in the EYES OF LIFE.
Here is the thing, we as humans love to manipulate. It is a compulsion. It is a need. When you see a child you WANT To manipulate them. To create them in this way. That is why everyone has the response that children are soo cute, and beautiful. That is already manipulation in play.
When I think of what is happening to children right now, and what I faced throughout childhood I feel angry. I loved being treated with attention. I loved being treated with kindness, and gentleness, and niceness. But ALL OF IT WAS FAKE. It was a technique, and way to GET ME TO DO SOMETHING OR BE SOMETHING FOR THEM. The thing is that children KNOW THIS. But we got ADDICTED TO IT. We knew it was not genuine but we didn't care. We felt good. We got our fix. We hated to not get attention. We hated to not be treated nicely, and special, and kind.
So if you actually tried now to NOT Give children the niceness, kindness and happiness, as a way to manipulate them, they actually hate you, because they are addicts. To actually walk a process with the child would require walking them out of addiction which would be just like how addicts face. The child would have to face withdrawal. They will get cranky, they will get mad, they will throw tantrums, they will hate you, but eventually they will realize the truth and get physical and independent and their real self. The same with any addiction.
Children who grow up without being manipulated in this way, have a significant advantage where they may be able to avoid the whole consequence. There are however some Physical and Unconscious programming from within the parents, but at the very least it will be MUCH better if their parents and teachers and caregivers don't manipulate them. Instead it would be best if they LIVED WORDS. A child can easily learn Living Words, until they become bogged down by programming such as Emotions and Feelings.
The basic truth is that you cannot assist a child to LIVE words unless you already have walked that process for yourself. This is why your process is so important. You won't be able to really help kids, or even your own kids unless you walk your process. Otherwise how the hell did you expect to be able to help kids, through just knowledge and information and lecturing? Because you and I know very well that the kids will take one look at you and see you are NOT living the words you speak. So you would be a hypocrite. Children follow those who lead by example.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall in love with my care takers, when I was a child, because they gave me attention, they looked happy to see me, they looked excited, they spoke in a cheery high voice, they did these for me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be an addict to people who are nice, kind, and happy to me on purpose.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist letting go of my reactions, because I liked being manipulated and treated with happiness, niceness and kindness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy, cheery, good, that I liked myself, that I felt I was a good person, that I had love for myself, when there was someone who was happy to me, who was nice to me, who spoke in a high pitched voice to me, who gave me attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do whatever it takes to bring out the same response from people, where they can trigger my feelings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly show my caregivers my projects so they can tell me what a great job I did.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do well in school because I liked getting the feedback from my teachers that I am a good student.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly point at everything in my environment so that my caregivers would give me feedback back and attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be this enslaved person, who lived only for the feedback and the one sided relationship of manipulation, where I lived to serve and hear the feedback that my caregivers gave me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad, and that something is wrong or bad when my caregivers and teachers stopped giving me positive feedback.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad, depressed when I was no longer cute anymore to deserve attention from adults around me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad, depressed when my teachers began to be serious and no longer using niceness or kindness to manipulate me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for my parents positive feedback.
I commit myself to NEVER do the same to a child that I faced.
I commit myself to do everything in my power to unlock this system within me so that I can complete prevent/remove the abuse in my life, where I won't anymore react to positive feedback and I won't ever manipulate another through positive feedback where I can avoid it, and I can teach others to stop their reaction to positive feedback, which may involve manipulating them as a lesson where I immediately explain that they are having a reaction and how to stop it.
Now one context where I have constantly faced being treated with kindness and happiness is when I was a child. This is something all children face. We treat children with kindness, and being nice to them and happy. So how is this manipulation? Well, how about when you tell a child in a great big happy voice with excitement = "why don't we go over here and do some finger painting won't it be so much fun!!!" So the child gets excited by what you are saying and follows you and then starts to do finger painting. You are then satisfied with how you were able to GET the child to finger paint. Then later you start again saying: "wow, great job! Your painting looks so good!" The child again feels excited, and then tries to make another painting for you. They like it when you say that.
Okay so this is manipulation. You are bringing out feelings in the child. And the child wants to feel that way. So they start following what you say and repeat doing things that will bring out the same response from you. Congratulations, you have manipulated the child. The child is not finger painting for themselves, they are doing it for your response and feedback.
Sadly, teacher, and parents, and babysitters are considered good if they actually do this to children. But what happens later on?
Later on the parents, teachers and babysitters go CRAZY!!! Because the child constantly wants them to again be happy, and nice and kind. They want the attention. So basically they Fall in LOVE with you. They want your feedback. They want your attention. So every few minutes they will show you a NEW finger painting. And then you start getting irritated and annoyed. You then start blaming the child, when in fact YOU CREATED THE CHILD TO BE THIS WAY. You wanted to manipulate them, so congratulations you did it. You took away the child's independence, and they are now dependent on you to make them feel good about themselves. That is what all Effective and Successful teachers, caregivers, and parents are in the EYES OF THE SYSTEM, but certainly they are NOT successful or effective in the EYES OF LIFE.
Here is the thing, we as humans love to manipulate. It is a compulsion. It is a need. When you see a child you WANT To manipulate them. To create them in this way. That is why everyone has the response that children are soo cute, and beautiful. That is already manipulation in play.
When I think of what is happening to children right now, and what I faced throughout childhood I feel angry. I loved being treated with attention. I loved being treated with kindness, and gentleness, and niceness. But ALL OF IT WAS FAKE. It was a technique, and way to GET ME TO DO SOMETHING OR BE SOMETHING FOR THEM. The thing is that children KNOW THIS. But we got ADDICTED TO IT. We knew it was not genuine but we didn't care. We felt good. We got our fix. We hated to not get attention. We hated to not be treated nicely, and special, and kind.
So if you actually tried now to NOT Give children the niceness, kindness and happiness, as a way to manipulate them, they actually hate you, because they are addicts. To actually walk a process with the child would require walking them out of addiction which would be just like how addicts face. The child would have to face withdrawal. They will get cranky, they will get mad, they will throw tantrums, they will hate you, but eventually they will realize the truth and get physical and independent and their real self. The same with any addiction.
Children who grow up without being manipulated in this way, have a significant advantage where they may be able to avoid the whole consequence. There are however some Physical and Unconscious programming from within the parents, but at the very least it will be MUCH better if their parents and teachers and caregivers don't manipulate them. Instead it would be best if they LIVED WORDS. A child can easily learn Living Words, until they become bogged down by programming such as Emotions and Feelings.
The basic truth is that you cannot assist a child to LIVE words unless you already have walked that process for yourself. This is why your process is so important. You won't be able to really help kids, or even your own kids unless you walk your process. Otherwise how the hell did you expect to be able to help kids, through just knowledge and information and lecturing? Because you and I know very well that the kids will take one look at you and see you are NOT living the words you speak. So you would be a hypocrite. Children follow those who lead by example.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall in love with my care takers, when I was a child, because they gave me attention, they looked happy to see me, they looked excited, they spoke in a cheery high voice, they did these for me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be an addict to people who are nice, kind, and happy to me on purpose.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist letting go of my reactions, because I liked being manipulated and treated with happiness, niceness and kindness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy, cheery, good, that I liked myself, that I felt I was a good person, that I had love for myself, when there was someone who was happy to me, who was nice to me, who spoke in a high pitched voice to me, who gave me attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do whatever it takes to bring out the same response from people, where they can trigger my feelings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly show my caregivers my projects so they can tell me what a great job I did.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do well in school because I liked getting the feedback from my teachers that I am a good student.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly point at everything in my environment so that my caregivers would give me feedback back and attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be this enslaved person, who lived only for the feedback and the one sided relationship of manipulation, where I lived to serve and hear the feedback that my caregivers gave me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad, and that something is wrong or bad when my caregivers and teachers stopped giving me positive feedback.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad, depressed when I was no longer cute anymore to deserve attention from adults around me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad, depressed when my teachers began to be serious and no longer using niceness or kindness to manipulate me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for my parents positive feedback.
I commit myself to NEVER do the same to a child that I faced.
I commit myself to do everything in my power to unlock this system within me so that I can complete prevent/remove the abuse in my life, where I won't anymore react to positive feedback and I won't ever manipulate another through positive feedback where I can avoid it, and I can teach others to stop their reaction to positive feedback, which may involve manipulating them as a lesson where I immediately explain that they are having a reaction and how to stop it.
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