Day 68 Moving Slower. Tortoise vs the Hare

I have needed to just call a halt on everything and take things slower. This occurred physically to me, cause I got sick. I can tell that I got sick because of stress, because before I got sick I was dealing with a lot of stress. Basically I don't have time for everything I want to do right now. And I had been trying and pushing to get all of these things done. But its just not possible. I have to give myself time, plenty of time to do things right and well.

Just making the statement that I'm going to be pushing back my deadlines and giving myself more time, already lifted some of the weight. But I also had to tackle some of the reasons why it exists.

Why was I doing this? What about me thinks its okay to push all of this stuff on me to get it done as fast as possible?

I know that before starting working in my jobs, so when I was in college still and then younger than that, I was different. I would have always taken things slow and do things Right. That is my preference. I know I am good at that, and I know that's the best way to get things done. What happens includes a environment shift and pressure. BUT, its who I am in such an environment, including the pressure. So no one else is to blame, not even my environment.

So what is about me that thinks its okay to push things like this? One thing is a belief that what is my best?

The belief about what is my best is that I believe my best is when I am running around quickly and fast and getting things done as fast as possible. I believe that. And thats a problem. So I redefine it.

My best is actually me going slow and doing what needs to be done, one thing at a time. Because slow and steady wins the race. It doesn't matter how long it takes. THIS is my best. So what I notice is this feeling of feeling bad, where I feel bad if I am going slow, within the belief I am not doing my best. So I redefine it.

My best is me moving SLOW, and doing this WELL, giving myself the TIME to do it. It DOESN"T MATTER how long it takes. The time it takes to get things done is how long it will take. This is unequivocally, universally, unconditionally my best in all universes and existences. Anything not that is NOT my best.

So first redefining what is my best is my first step.
Rather becoming honest with that, and realigning myself to what is the god honest truth.

I can't do everything and DO everything WELL. I just can't.

So what I have been doing then is living this. So for example I had been for a while leaving my dishes and plates to be cleaned later because I had a lot in my mind in all the things I needed to get done and there are deadlines and basically all this stuff to get done. So what I am doing is like I said, taking things slow, and pushing things back and dropping things I can do. So what I do then is I wash everything, and do it slow. It doesn't matter if I am tired, I can do it slow.

So things I wanted to get done in my life in a year, are being pushed back maybe two years or even three years. How ever long it takes. I am no longer in a rush to do it to get it done. I am slow and steady now like a turtle. I will win the race, I will get there. I will just do it right, and well. No more rushing. When I run I will be running while moving slow within me.

I stand absolutely in this decision. It won't change. I will get there, to my goals. I am just no longer the rabbit.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race.