day 88 - Facing another challenge
Real world challenges. Picking a career.
So I have received my liberal arts degree in psychology. I wish to further my studies to strengthen my position and influence in the world. I have been primarily trained in researching and overall critical thinking and problem solving. One thing college does not teach you or show you, is how the mind functions. This I am learning with Desteni. I have my mind of course, and I can observe it. I can also stop participation in it in a moment. I can move myself in the physical. I can breathe. I can stop participation in energies, in a moment. I can also participate in the mind, but this is something I do not want to do, because it will strengthen the mind and give the mind more power to decide who I am and what I do/participate within. I notice that every time I allow a thought, the mind gets stronger. I also remember that every time I say no, I get stronger, and I take more responsibility. I notice it is better to not participate in the mind at all, so I do not need to react and deal with what I accepted and allowed, but instead stop before the thought even arises. That's one indication of the mind, that you are wavering inside. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying to now become unwavering and embrace the mind. Because that would still be the mind and still accept and allow being wavering in things, especially points of responsibility. I notice that the mind loves entertainment and irresponsibility. I notice that being with my family I can easily see what is irresponsibility. This is one of the greatest gifts others can give me. I KNOW who I should be, because I know what each one of us should be doing. I hold everyone to the same standards, taking into consideration physical limitations, such as disabilities, however the principle is the same. I don't know if the principle can really be named, but it is a principle that respects life, as everyone and everything as equals. For me, this makes life worth living. I do get a feeling within saying/recognizing this point. It is the hope/place where I know what we are capable of and what we are fighting/working towards. It is who I am, as who I always was and who I always will be. But the moment I consider it the mind, the mind pops in. Is the mind then just that? Judging things as separate as more or less, as metaphysical? Is the mind even real? Can we see the mind, poke the mind, taste the mind, destroy the mind? The physical can never be destroyed, just transformed into another form (mass or energy). If the mind can be destroyed, it is not physical, correct? What does this matter? I have nothing to prove to anyone. What matters to me is that everyone works on themselves to see the beauty and grace which is really a responsibility and a knowing and understanding of life, who we are as one and equal, leading to the breaking of limitation, both within us as mind, and outside us as the inefficient society. So do you care? Do you care about yourself? I mean really care, not just superficially care. Do you bother to experience what you are really experiencing here? The conflict. Are you aware of this? Are you ready to forgive and change?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play 5 hours of video games in a day, and not spending any time at all in certain areas of my life that require attention, such as advancing my career, finding work/internship opportunities, writing blogs, introspecting/reflecting, making contacts, catching up with old friends, playing the piano, exercising, eating well, etc...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my mind decide who I am, and not me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to even give a moment's attention to the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here with what is real, the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to honor one piece of existence, 'the mind' more than the rest of existence, which should be regarded of equal value.
I commit myself to in every moment to be here.
When and as I see I am not here, to stand up and be here again.
When and as I see the mind speaking, to not pay any attention to it.
I commit myself to pay attention to what is here only.
I realise the mind is not here otherwise it would not need me to move in the physical reality. I realise thus that the mind is interdimensional because it is separate from the physical. I realize to direct the physical one must be one and equal to it. I realize that something separate from the physical cannot direct a one and equal outcome that is best for all. I realize fear is separation. I also realize that desire is separation. I realize that who I am is not a reaction, but a living expression. I do not accept myself to be less than who I really am. I commit myself to root out all reactions and patterns and live myself as who I really am, as considering all as one and equal. I realise there is no threat when your one and equal from any sources. I realize the only real enforcing rules are the physical ones and the integrity of oneself, where every action is the absolute reflection of oneself. I realize that through forgiveness and change I can absolve myself. I realize that emotions such as guilt can serve a useful purpose in revealing where separation lies within me. The same would go for all reactions/thinking.
So I have received my liberal arts degree in psychology. I wish to further my studies to strengthen my position and influence in the world. I have been primarily trained in researching and overall critical thinking and problem solving. One thing college does not teach you or show you, is how the mind functions. This I am learning with Desteni. I have my mind of course, and I can observe it. I can also stop participation in it in a moment. I can move myself in the physical. I can breathe. I can stop participation in energies, in a moment. I can also participate in the mind, but this is something I do not want to do, because it will strengthen the mind and give the mind more power to decide who I am and what I do/participate within. I notice that every time I allow a thought, the mind gets stronger. I also remember that every time I say no, I get stronger, and I take more responsibility. I notice it is better to not participate in the mind at all, so I do not need to react and deal with what I accepted and allowed, but instead stop before the thought even arises. That's one indication of the mind, that you are wavering inside. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying to now become unwavering and embrace the mind. Because that would still be the mind and still accept and allow being wavering in things, especially points of responsibility. I notice that the mind loves entertainment and irresponsibility. I notice that being with my family I can easily see what is irresponsibility. This is one of the greatest gifts others can give me. I KNOW who I should be, because I know what each one of us should be doing. I hold everyone to the same standards, taking into consideration physical limitations, such as disabilities, however the principle is the same. I don't know if the principle can really be named, but it is a principle that respects life, as everyone and everything as equals. For me, this makes life worth living. I do get a feeling within saying/recognizing this point. It is the hope/place where I know what we are capable of and what we are fighting/working towards. It is who I am, as who I always was and who I always will be. But the moment I consider it the mind, the mind pops in. Is the mind then just that? Judging things as separate as more or less, as metaphysical? Is the mind even real? Can we see the mind, poke the mind, taste the mind, destroy the mind? The physical can never be destroyed, just transformed into another form (mass or energy). If the mind can be destroyed, it is not physical, correct? What does this matter? I have nothing to prove to anyone. What matters to me is that everyone works on themselves to see the beauty and grace which is really a responsibility and a knowing and understanding of life, who we are as one and equal, leading to the breaking of limitation, both within us as mind, and outside us as the inefficient society. So do you care? Do you care about yourself? I mean really care, not just superficially care. Do you bother to experience what you are really experiencing here? The conflict. Are you aware of this? Are you ready to forgive and change?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play 5 hours of video games in a day, and not spending any time at all in certain areas of my life that require attention, such as advancing my career, finding work/internship opportunities, writing blogs, introspecting/reflecting, making contacts, catching up with old friends, playing the piano, exercising, eating well, etc...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my mind decide who I am, and not me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to even give a moment's attention to the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here with what is real, the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to honor one piece of existence, 'the mind' more than the rest of existence, which should be regarded of equal value.
I commit myself to in every moment to be here.
When and as I see I am not here, to stand up and be here again.
When and as I see the mind speaking, to not pay any attention to it.
I commit myself to pay attention to what is here only.
I realise the mind is not here otherwise it would not need me to move in the physical reality. I realise thus that the mind is interdimensional because it is separate from the physical. I realize to direct the physical one must be one and equal to it. I realize that something separate from the physical cannot direct a one and equal outcome that is best for all. I realize fear is separation. I also realize that desire is separation. I realize that who I am is not a reaction, but a living expression. I do not accept myself to be less than who I really am. I commit myself to root out all reactions and patterns and live myself as who I really am, as considering all as one and equal. I realise there is no threat when your one and equal from any sources. I realize the only real enforcing rules are the physical ones and the integrity of oneself, where every action is the absolute reflection of oneself. I realize that through forgiveness and change I can absolve myself. I realize that emotions such as guilt can serve a useful purpose in revealing where separation lies within me. The same would go for all reactions/thinking.
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