The man who never gave up
Time to share a story... of a man who with a great desire, had created his own trap/prison.
So this man, since a young age had a desire to have a partner for life, a twin flame, a soul mate. He had spent a great deal of time fantasizing, hoping, wishing, with various potential suitors in his life. They were his secret crushes. None of them came to fruition. It wasn't until he was 18 and entering college did he have a real chance.
And indeed, it did come to pass. In the beginning the relationship was great, wonderful, amazing. However, suddenly and unexpectedly there came a moment where he had lashed out within anger. Earlier that day he had wanted his partner to do something for him. And when he didn't get his way he became spiteful. And so later on in that day when that same partner wanted him to do something for her, he gave her justice, and denied it. He spoke spitefully, he spoke in anger, and he justified it because he didn't get what he wanted. The partner reacted quite strongly. Immediately the man regretted what he had done, and became afraid of himself. His partner was telling him how he had changed, how he wasn't who she thought he was. The man started to question him, he was scared of himself, scared of not understanding him, of not knowing why he became this way. He hadn't been this way before, what happened?
The man was forever changed. He was afraid that somehow he would hurt someone again, even against his own will. He couldn't allow that. That would be unforgivable to him. He had to change himself, no matter what it would take, no matter the effort or time. As time progressed, he didn't realize something that was happening with him. He was changing. He became reserved, he started speaking less, he stopped smiling, and he didn't even know it.
That day changed him and it was because he didn't understand what he was afraid of, and didn't at that moment see how fear is stupid, that fear is useless. You see, he feared his own aggression, he feared his own force, his own power. At the time it made sense, because he thought and believed that it was the aggression, his force and power that lead to the event that he had created. What he didn't realize or understand was that it wasn't the force, or aggression itself, but what he used it FOR, and how he used it. He had used it for his own self-interest, for his own personal gain, not what was best for him, his partner and others. That was the reason. The aggression, force, power, wasn't at fault.
So, the good news is that the man was committed to find out and change himself. He was committed to do what is best for all, and become what is best for all. Because did understand in some level of himself that he wasn't doing what was best for all. So he spent years understanding how fear worked, how it was indeed useless. He showed himself this through countless examples, and countless moment, and he showed himself that he could indeed step out of the fear, and not have it define him, or influence his actions or decision. That he did indeed have power AND he could use that power to do what is best for all. This was a long, arduous process, that had its victories, its breakthroughs and celebrations in the small everyday moments. And one day, unexpectedly, he had the opportunity to again face himself and his demons.
This time, he took responsibility. Even though he had done the same as before, acted out in aggression for his personal interest, this time he took responsibility. And now thanks to the years of practice of investigating himself, questioning himself, laying himself bare naked in words who he was, and how he was being, he could see and understand what he had done those 7 years ago. And so he could finally forgive himself, and finally bring back the parts of himself that he had suppressed and separated which was aggression, insistence, and force. And now he has granted himself the opportunity to recreate himself, which is something he has been doing in everyday moments throughout the whole 7 years through the process of self-forgiveness and taking self-responsibility.
With these words aggression, insistence, and force, as living words he can utilize this to serve what is best for all, which is best for him as well. Now he has access to expression again at what he had at 18 years of age. But, his journey isn't over. Life continues. What will he do next? Just wait and see.
So this man, since a young age had a desire to have a partner for life, a twin flame, a soul mate. He had spent a great deal of time fantasizing, hoping, wishing, with various potential suitors in his life. They were his secret crushes. None of them came to fruition. It wasn't until he was 18 and entering college did he have a real chance.
And indeed, it did come to pass. In the beginning the relationship was great, wonderful, amazing. However, suddenly and unexpectedly there came a moment where he had lashed out within anger. Earlier that day he had wanted his partner to do something for him. And when he didn't get his way he became spiteful. And so later on in that day when that same partner wanted him to do something for her, he gave her justice, and denied it. He spoke spitefully, he spoke in anger, and he justified it because he didn't get what he wanted. The partner reacted quite strongly. Immediately the man regretted what he had done, and became afraid of himself. His partner was telling him how he had changed, how he wasn't who she thought he was. The man started to question him, he was scared of himself, scared of not understanding him, of not knowing why he became this way. He hadn't been this way before, what happened?
The man was forever changed. He was afraid that somehow he would hurt someone again, even against his own will. He couldn't allow that. That would be unforgivable to him. He had to change himself, no matter what it would take, no matter the effort or time. As time progressed, he didn't realize something that was happening with him. He was changing. He became reserved, he started speaking less, he stopped smiling, and he didn't even know it.
That day changed him and it was because he didn't understand what he was afraid of, and didn't at that moment see how fear is stupid, that fear is useless. You see, he feared his own aggression, he feared his own force, his own power. At the time it made sense, because he thought and believed that it was the aggression, his force and power that lead to the event that he had created. What he didn't realize or understand was that it wasn't the force, or aggression itself, but what he used it FOR, and how he used it. He had used it for his own self-interest, for his own personal gain, not what was best for him, his partner and others. That was the reason. The aggression, force, power, wasn't at fault.
So, the good news is that the man was committed to find out and change himself. He was committed to do what is best for all, and become what is best for all. Because did understand in some level of himself that he wasn't doing what was best for all. So he spent years understanding how fear worked, how it was indeed useless. He showed himself this through countless examples, and countless moment, and he showed himself that he could indeed step out of the fear, and not have it define him, or influence his actions or decision. That he did indeed have power AND he could use that power to do what is best for all. This was a long, arduous process, that had its victories, its breakthroughs and celebrations in the small everyday moments. And one day, unexpectedly, he had the opportunity to again face himself and his demons.
This time, he took responsibility. Even though he had done the same as before, acted out in aggression for his personal interest, this time he took responsibility. And now thanks to the years of practice of investigating himself, questioning himself, laying himself bare naked in words who he was, and how he was being, he could see and understand what he had done those 7 years ago. And so he could finally forgive himself, and finally bring back the parts of himself that he had suppressed and separated which was aggression, insistence, and force. And now he has granted himself the opportunity to recreate himself, which is something he has been doing in everyday moments throughout the whole 7 years through the process of self-forgiveness and taking self-responsibility.
With these words aggression, insistence, and force, as living words he can utilize this to serve what is best for all, which is best for him as well. Now he has access to expression again at what he had at 18 years of age. But, his journey isn't over. Life continues. What will he do next? Just wait and see.
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