The Desire for a Life-Long Partner Test

The following is a self-reflective and mental exercise to test yourself with to see whether you have a desire for a life-long partner. Imagine yourself, or place yourself here; all of who you are, bring it here. Now, imagine the world and everyone in it. Now pretend or imagine that the people you desire for relationship: male, female (gay, straight etc…) do not exist. That only the people that you don’t desire for a relationship exist. Reflect on how you feel, how you would act and behave, who you would be, what you would do. See if there are any differences.  Any differences that exist between who you are now and who you would be is evidence or proof that you have changed who you are as a person just so you can have a relationship.

If you have a desire for a life-long partner, then you would have changed everything of yourself so that you can get what you want. So you can look at how you talk, how you walk, how you make your appearance, what you like or dislike, your opinions, what you know, what job or career you have, and how you behave and act. For example, take a person that is passive, gentle, sweet, kind, smart, knowledgeable, sensitive, funny, understanding, sympathetic, hardworking, driven, disciplined, diligent, has a well-paying career, that likes musicals, theater, opera, and cooking. Say that this person is this way so that they can attract a life-long partner, and that this person chose to be, become, or do each of these things because somewhere in their life they picked up on information that said being or doing this thing is the best way to attract a partner. Let’s say this person is an adult of 18 years of age. So they would have had 18 years of time to develop and become who they are now so that they can attract this partner.

If you reflect on your life, in every way and aspect of how you live and exist as, then you can see whether you have this desire for a life-long partner, and how much time, energy, and effort you have spent to change even the little things of who you are, just so you can get this thing you want.

Let’s bring this back to reality. So let’s assume again the above situation where a person changes all of themselves so that the can get a relationship. Is it really worth giving up your choice to express yourself and decide who you are with your hairstyle, with your appearance? Or how you talk, how you walk? Is it really worth giving up your choice or expression in what you like, dislike, enjoy? Is it really worth giving up your choice or expression in movies or TV shows you watch, in your hobbies? Who you are? This is like a complete giving up of your time and so your life in a way. It is requiring a complete dedication to be a certain person just so you can get a relationship. Is it really worth it? It can’t be worth it because nothing of you is real because the reason why you are like that is just to get a relationship. And on top of that, your desire for relationship isn’t fulfilled, even when you have it. Why? Because what you are lacking or needing is really your relationship with yourself = in a sense, to be a full person that is living their self for their self. In other words, You are You for You.

It is very interesting to note that the archaic definition for the word want is lack. So when you want something, it meant that you lacked something. To be wanting is to be lacking. So to live within desire is to live within a lack or deficiency.