Day 728 The Heat of yourself
And the specific words, the Heat of yourself is specific. It encapsulates and captures a very nice meaning, and real time moment with the Mind and reactions that I have lived and I'm sure humans everywhere have lived/faced. I would like to unpack this to bring attention to it, for it may assist others and its a very nice reference for that. I also will cover the solutions as well and taking responsibility as well.
Facing the Heat of Yourself
I notice that Heat is very much connected to two things you have Romance/Love, getting caught up in the heat of the moment... and also the moment when you are in a heated argument and got caught in the heat of the moment as that anger and hatred.The latter moment is the one that is of more interest, but its worth pointing out how Romance and love can so easily translate into Hatred and Heat, when you really look at the playouts of what will happen over time.
So see if you have some nice memories here related to above... for me what I have faced even recently is facing the Heat of myself, as this instant moment of this burning boiling hatred in my stomach consuming me within silence. I had a moment of silent hatred. Though at my stomach and core of me it was burning hot. It was a heated moment. And my words were heated, like fire. It consumed me and became me like how fire will consume structures and materials, burning them.
So for me the reference of the heat of yourself is when you do feel that heat in your stomach and you become it. It feels right, it is what you do. It is the thing to do. You cannot resist the temptation... these words are similar to romance, it does provoke that imagery doesn't it? A burning desire, something you have to do, it feels right, and it consumes you.
I notice within the moment of succumbing to this heated rage/anger/hatred that it does overtake the head region and fills it with that energy stimulation of embracing what you are feeling, that hate and anger, it does feel like a bit of a buzz, a bit drunk on the energy. It is a slight experience, but an obvious one that stands out.
Becoming that deep hatred is just so easy and natural that it seems ridiculous to say that you are falling into temptation. If you fall into temptation every time, is it really falling into temptation anymore? Though that is what the process is about to STOP the point. The solution and path forward will require stopping in the moment of when that person says that thing or does that time that evokes your hatred that you do stop in that moment, you do freeze yourself.
For me at least, I do become this way with being made fun of, teased in quite a direct expense of me at least in words, verbally. And hearing that laughter, people laughing about me.... I do become livid to say the least. To say the most, I do see that as so bad, so evil, so unfriendly, so so deserving of some sort of punishment, deserving of my abandonment. I mean there are those sets of things that bring out this response, and that would include being abandoned for example. Being treated poorly especially by supposed friends. If my "friends" were to ditch me or abandon me, I would be so so livid. I would cut them off in my life. Such a thing has so rarely happened if ever. But it is primarily in TV shows and movies where I would see something like bullying or such nasty things, and I would state and say in that Hate about these bullies and people. I remember how one time robbers burglarized our house and how I also felt this HATE for them, this need for justice. So that deep fire of hatred for such thing does exist within me, and it does consume me in a moment, in a flash of brilliant light as fire burns through the core of things.
I become the fire, I become the point, I become the heat. And interestingly I do feel a heat in my chest/body as a physical cross-reference. So there is that physical indication in my body, which is quite cool.
So, while it is super rare actually facing something that will trigger this hate, like someone teasing me, bullying me, or friends treating me badly.... in that rare time it does occur, then it is here and it is not what is best, I am not in controlled and I am consumed.... instead of what is best which would be directing the moment and assisting and supporting the other, which it can vary what that actually could be. Maybe a friend is having a really bad day and they snap and barked back. Instead of being consumed in rage in an instant, I could be supportive and stand stable, knowing that they are not at their best and they are going through some things.
So its important to work on these points because in the process of being what is best for all, every moment counts, include the rare ones. It does require a level of perfection. Because while it would be easy to try to avoid people and cut people off who trigger this hate in me/you, that is not what is best, in terms of reacting in this hatred and making these kinds of decisions in hatred. Being a being who can remain untriggered would be someone trustworthy who can handle greater responsibility and challenges especially ones where you have to be in constant interaction with all sorts of people and situations, with all sorts of stimulation and things moving quite quickly. And so then being able to stand and direct every moment to what's best. While we are in reaction we are in separation from the moment and so not doing what is best. And Hatred is obviously a separation with another person, and preventing you to do what is BEST for them and you, and taking responsibility.
So I am opening up these points in me and I am in the midst of walking them. So I can see how easy it is to become hatred, how usual it has been throughout my life, in these rare occasions. And it is a weight/burden on the being/self/body. It is something heavy that weighs us down.
With the desteni tools it lays down the framework to walk such moments of the mind/emotion. The writing and self-forgiveness gives the ability to walk it piece by piece, bit by bit. And take responsibility for everything one said and did. The application of stopping will be the same, except one can approach it with understanding.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become the character of hatred
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish harm, and death to this person
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate them laughing at me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be triggered by people laughing at me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when people laugh at me to feel hatred and become the hatred character
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let this heat rise in my stomach and into my chest like a hot black smoke burning my lungs
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let this energy of hatred consume me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let this energy of hatred burn my chest and lungs
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself to embrace and be consumed by the energy of hatred
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let hatred as energy settle here in my body as its home and where like it belongs here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be accustomed to becoming the hatred character and feeling hatred in myself and body, and talk and think within this hatred energy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live hatred as emotion within the Justice character
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to active the Justice character alongside and with hatred energy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect I need this burning hatred emotion in order to carry out justice.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the justice character as what is right and best for all
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that justice protects me and keeps me safe
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that hatred emotion protects me and keeps me safe
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that hatred emotion gives me the strength to defend myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become accustomed to this painful experience of having hatred energy within me as this burning smoke in my chest and consider that normal and necessary
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to protect, honor, and regard hatred
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view there being a role/purpose for hatred energy and the hatred character.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let hatred energy into my body/home instead of stopping hatred and just standing as the physical one and equal
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak within hatred energy, talk within hatred energy, act within hatred energy, say things within hatred energy, and decide things within hatred energy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide to cut people off from my life within hatred energy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust in hatred energy and like how it makes me feel
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good and believe I am good when i am within hatred energy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like everything is right when I am within hatred energy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when I see someone else within hatred energy and speaking to me within blaming me, to also become hatred, instead of giving them time to cool off and not take anything they say seriously.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find it much more easier to actually commit violence within hatred energy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow violence becoming something I can do because I have hatred energy within me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my chest to swell with hatred energy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to get caught up in the heat of the moment with hatred energy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to being teased and made fun of
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with hatred energy when I am being made fun of and bullied
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hit bullies
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel this hatred energy when faced with a bully
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let hatred energy swell inside me when I am faced abandonment by my friends
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow this hatred energy in me when a friend starts to bully me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become the hatred character and feel hate when a friend starts to try to insult me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be consumed in hatred energy that I make commitment to cut people out of my life and ignore them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to so easily be consumed in hatred and let it take over me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself be triggered by another being reacting with hatred and being mean to me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let me believe its okay to be angry at some people
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let me believe that there are bad people who deserve my hate
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that hate is a real thing that is good to live sometimes
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that hate, violence and aggression as energy and possession have a place in the world
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe its okay to react within hate sometimes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to believe that some people deserve my hate sometimes
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need hate as energy for my survival
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I may need hate one day in order to do what I need to do to survive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need hate in case I ever have to kill someone someday
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe hate is part of life and part of being human
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe hating evil make hating acceptable
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get drunk/high from having hatred energy in my lungs.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust hatred energy within me.
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