Yogan's Journey to Life

This Blog is Almost like a Thought Experiment. It is Reflective, and you need to Read it all the way through because my Perspective Changes in real time. So make sure to read it all the way through, I end somewhere differently than where I started out in the beginning.  There is me as Yogan as my story as an individual... There is also me that is not Yogan, that takes on a grander perspective, grander vision, that includes many more perspectives at once, and strives for what is best for each perspective. When I live in this way of living from multiple perspectives or many perspectives... I become something different, I see things differently, I respond to situations differently. It is a point of greater understanding. Understanding more perspective on any given situation or moment. It is a point of living outside of my previous conceptions of my self of who I am, of Yogan. It is a point of just having a body and just relying on that fact that I am anchored here in r...

  So this word Sacred Feminine is specific. I have a specific reference for that word. I know exactly what this word means to me. I have a reference on how to live this word. I have lived this word deeply in various moments of my life. The sacred feminine, I am using it to refer to the Real Femininity that is an expression of all Life, that we can live here as humans. Its something deep, real and certain. It is something that can exist here and lived very clearly. It is an expression here as oneself, with and as one's body. It is a self-relation, it is a self-movement. It is an embodiment of self, that changes our perception of things and how we take things in. The sacred feminine is not something lived widely by people. It is not widely found or widely seen. It is highly rare. Taking my life as proof to me, I see this to be the case. Yet I have seen the exception, the few who did live it for a moment. I am interested in living the expression that I am referring to with th...

I am looking at the word Friend today. And with looking at this word I am reminded of one of my very old friends, the Trees. There have been times in my life where I didn't have any human friends, actually for many long periods of my life. But the trees were a old reliable friend. There is a book called the Giving Tree. It helped me see that Trees are alive and that they give themselves as how they describe in the book. And I remember my mom telling me to stop hitting a tree with a stick, and how it feels pain. Trees do bleed sap. I remember I would draw trees as a kid There were specific trees that I would go visit. Some when I especially was sad and lonely. Resting my head against the one branch of this one tree. I would look at a tree and I could see all its splendor. I could hear in my head the voices the trees and plants would make, or at least I would imagine it. How I would say hello silently within myself to them, and I would hear right away how they say hi back al...

 Clenching my Jaw Putting my teeth together, my lower and upper jaw together and pulling it in tightly. I feel Anxious about the exam. I think I am going to do poorly. I feel like I don't want to take the exam and I want to avoid the exam. I feel stressed. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subsconsciously put my teeth together and close my jaw tightly. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anxious about the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am going to do poorly I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like physically avoiding the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel repulsed by the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not want to take the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am going to do poorly on the exam when and as I see myself putting my teeth together and pressing them...

What is it that matters in Life or to Life? What is it that matters? What is the core purpose or meaning to Life? Many people have asked this questions over the eons of time and generation. Many have died throughout this time. There were also many that did live before they died. Where are all on different points in Life, with different families, backgrounds, power... Many of these things we were born into, yes we were. But its not about what you were given, either as challenges or gifts, but who you were with the life you have been given or born into. Will you turn challenges into gifts? We are all being tested in this way. We are all being challenged in some way. We all have something to learn, something to do, something to expand upon. What is the meaning/purpose to Life? I would say that whatever you DO with the Life you have, that becomes your meaning/purpose that you are living. Whatever you do and apply here, now, today, and then tomorrow and the next day is your Living Pur...

A moment where my attention got zoomed in focus on something/someone. Here the mind is activating. It is clearly the mind. Thoughts started to stream: maybe they are doing some activity, maybe they are secretly angry at me. Maybe they are doing something intentional and its direct at me! I don't want to see this! I also can't help but look! It has caught my attention, i am looking at it. So I had obviously shifted into something. I had a thought/opinion about the situation about what to expect and about the scenarios that could be happening. I was emotional already. It felt real and it caught my attention. I notice this aspect of having my attention caught is a red flag for the mind. My attention was shifted. It became zoomed in and focus on this thing that was happening. I didn't want to look away, I wanted to pursue and look at it more, and at the same time I didn't want to look at it, but I couldn't move on. So all of this is obviously the mind, its cle...

Competing with men for the favor of women... in other words competing with men for getting with a particular woman of interest. You know, relationshippy stuff. I am seeing a dimension of this. Seeing how I do smile subconsciously in hearing how a guy was having difficulty in his life. I smiled caused I saw him as a competitor for getting with a woman. I mean it seems very primal and very obvious like why it is and where its from. So I can see how in my mind how the thoughts move to the line of thinking about paying attention to him and him getting in favor with some female. Like I know when I am paying close attention to something that this happening in front of me--- its like a heightened awareness and zoomed on focus on them... are they hitting it off? I can feel like others guys know what I am talking about, and women too... like in those moments your mind can't help to go to seeing or thinking whether there's a connection going on between two people, and how you may b...

Controlling another's perception of me. I choose to let go of controlling another's perception of me. I choose this even if they have the wrong perception of me, a judgment or a reaction. It is the responsibility of each one to walk their own process and direct themselves and their perceptions of others. Its not my responsibility to do that for them, and that even includes their perception of me. I choose to let go of trying to control others perception of me. I choose to not define myself or react to how others perceive me. I choose not to decide for others how they should view me. That is entirely up to them. I am not here to walk other peoople's process. I can give suggestions, yes. I can show the tools and the process that can be walked. But its not my responsibility to walk it for them. The perception that  each one has is entirely up to each one of them. I realize that it doesn't reflect me what someone else is thinking of me, or what they think I am. If ...

So directing another person. I have been figuring this one out: trying to direct another person. Bernard said in a very short chat long ago how a partner has to direct the agreement. Does this mean directing the other person? I don’t know. Maybe he said a partner has to direct the other. Anyway. The point here is no matter what Bernard may have meant or said, I am deciding here and now to not direct another, whether it be an agreement partner or any person really. Especially though in an agreement. I have decided that even in an agreement to not direct the other person. This is a big deal for me, to decide this. I am going to let each person walk their process. Those who have the tools, have the tools, those who don’t have the tools, then if they are ready I will share the tools. More importantly though in an agreement where you are spending such a life time with a person, to not direct the other person. I know its tempting, that is what I believed at least partly believed....

Recently I wrote out this phrase,  "When you are really faced with the Heat of yourself, the Darkness, and the Deceptive Light of yourself.... no one's motivation or words will be the saving grace.... its all you baby! haha. We need Self-Willed individuals.... and that process is like the formation of diamond. Its under a lot of pressure and takes time." And the specific words, the Heat of yourself is specific. It encapsulates and captures a very nice meaning, and real time moment with the Mind and reactions that I have lived and I'm sure humans everywhere have lived/faced. I would like to unpack this to bring attention to it, for it may assist others and its a very nice reference for that. I also will cover the solutions as well and taking responsibility as well. Facing the Heat of Yourself I notice that Heat is very much connected to two things you have Romance/Love, getting caught up in the heat of the moment... and also the moment when you are in a heated a...

So the secret mind is something that came up from desteni years ago. And today it came up within me as a support/explanation for what's been going on with this part of me. So my original idea of the secret mind was that it consisted of those thoughts that you were secretly holding on to. With what I have been going through, the secret mind was the perfect set of words to explain to me how I could be having these thoughts that I have been having and not stop them. The definition I am using for secret mind now are those set of thoughts that I haven't embraced/accepted to be of the mind and requires just immediate stopping/recognition that this is the mind and isn't me. So I have had a whole range of thoughts that are like that: thoughts that I haven't accepted to be completely thoughts of the mind. The way I was looking at how this could be is the following. So you know you start walking process and you know what thoughts and emotions and reactions you want to stop....

Series Explosive Revenge and Worthlessness  I am a Bad person I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a bad person for trying to help my friend I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am wrong to try to help someone I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think its wrong to help someone if they get mad at you after I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a bad person if I tried to help my friend and they lashed out at me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a bad person for reacting to my friend lashing out at me, and wanting to no longer be their friend or see them again I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my friend lashing out at me, and wanting to no longer be their friend or see them again. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am bad/wrong for trying to reconcile with my friend with how they lashed out ...