“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Friday, January 23, 2015

What do I do when I am face with something New? I embrace it. 241

So like I said in my previous blog, I will only be writing on substantial points. So I see within me the space to integrate myself further into responsibilities, thus things that will create a visible change in reality. I have many creative ideas already, so I am not short of ideas. What is missing is the application. There is some energy of resistance, its not very intense however. What I find though is that things are very silent, and living out these responsibilities, things are silent, and with that silence I feel fear. Strange isn't it? But its here. It feels almost like a subtle wavelength that moves with the silence. Haha, so as if the silence has sound? Haha. This fear hidden in the silence is tied to the fear of living these responsibilities so absolutely that they are a part of me completely. This is what this fear actually is. And the silence is just the future point, what I anticipate/expect the future to be like without fear... strange how the fear is tied to... being without fear? Strange. Fear of not having fear. Fear of not being afraid. Fear of losing fear. Then I would be just left with myself. That is this fear of silence, or what it actually is. Fear of facing/living myself completely. 

It is interesting that depending on what I define 'myself' as, I could either divulge in energy, or I can stand within creating myself as responsibility. That was the whole reason for writing this blog, me living and taking on more responsibility because there is the space for it. If I were to define, however, myself as mind and energy, where "facing myself" means participating within an energetic relationship with me, well that's it. If I define myself as a being that is become/living responsibility, then that is it. So depending on who/what I define myself as, I am creating that reality. So when I say facing myself, I am really referring to facing my past creations, because I am responsible for them, and taking ownership of me, to create a world that is best for all. Its not that I am facing the "myself" that is the being that is taking responsibility and is a process of actually living it. That wouldn't make sense. 

So I actually need to reword/respeak what I wrote about. "Fear of not having fear. Fear of not being afraid. Fear of losing fear. Then I would be just left with myself." Meaning that I would have faced my self-created fears, released them, and simply be me here, applying and living responsibility. So what is this fear but the fear of this future/application really? And that would contradict what I am actually doing/living/applying wouldn't it? Perhaps that is why it's called resistance, because it is in contrast and in conflict with me as a being, taking responsibility, and the process I am walking to live and apply as the responsibility in my life. This explains much, such as why you don't feel resistance when you simply live without responsibilities. The mind is without responsibility. And the mind's content is my creation, so its my creation that is in conflict with me, because I am now changing/becoming different. Thus explaining the resistance and conflict. So when I look at my above fears what do I notice?

Fear of not having fear. Fear of not being afraid. Fear of losing fear. 
Assuming what I claimed above is true, then that means I have always existed like this: In fear, throughout my life. Is this true? Yes, most definitely. So then this all makes sense. Being without fear, believe it or not is scary, because why? Because fear is the response I have to something New, something different, strange, or a change. I have had this my entire life. So even being without fear, is fearful. And what is the best part? That I haven't really truly absolutely have gotten rid of fear. Why is this the best part? Because how can I really truly actually know the experience of being without fear? So why am I creating an idea/perception/belief/response to something foreign or unknown to me? It just doesn't make sense. I should instead completely embrace what is new, foreign, unknown, different or a change. That is the proper physical/behavioral response that I must live. That is my correction. To learn, to know, to investigation, to question what is new/foreign etc... Because by doing that I correct myself within taking on new responsibilities, living a new life, having a new self-experience/awareness of myself and much much more. Because it includes the unknown doesn't it?

No comments:

Post a Comment