Day 862 Build Yourself

 I was in a new home/place

and I went downstairs and made breakfast. I decided to express joy/happiness, and so I started singing. Then my roommate showed up and said "why are you singing?" It was not out of irritation. It was like saying: "why are you happy, you shouldn't be happy, you are not allowed to be happy." So I stopped singing, and haven't sung with happiness for a year and a half.

I was in a new place/home and I was with a new friend. They were kind, nice, and thoughtful. They were sad so I asked them what was wrong. They snapped at me: told me to drop it. Saying as if ""what is the matter with you," "stop being so considerate," "you are not my friend." and so from that moment I never saw them as my friend, and actually my enemy, which is a bully. I felt betrayed. I miss my friend. And I am afraid of them. Who they are is not who I thought they were. Who they are is pretending. My friend was never real. I am confused.

I don't trust people. I don't trust humanity. I am afraid of people. I don't want to do anything with people. I don't think people deserve help.

What should happen is that I should expose all such abusers. I should stand up to correct them, no matter the cost. The Beauty of Life needs warriors. The warrior of expression. The warrior of Self. The warrior of Integrity. The warrior of Truth. The warrior of Exposing the Lies. Then Life will be possible.  

So if i am in a new home again, and my roommate tells me that should stop singing, I tell them that I enjoy singing, it is my expression of happiness, and want to express happiness. And if they say what is there to be happy about, you don't deserve happiness because you are unsuccessful in life. I will respond only true happiness comes from yourself, when it is your decision, and you live it for all to see. So I am teaching you and others how to be happy for real. 

And so if I am with a new friend that snaps at me. I tell them, you shouldn't be angry at me. I am being kind and considerate to you. And if they say, I told you to stop, I told you to be quiet. I will say, that it doesn't matter how many times you tell me to stop, you shouldn't snap at me in anger. You shouldn't snap to anyone at anger, not your friend, not your enemy, not anyone. If you continue then you will drive away everyone who can help you truly, who truly considers you, who truly is kind to you, who truly cares for you. 

Life is more important than money, than fame, than success, than power. Life is the Truth. I am a warrior, a child, a servant of Life. 

If someone tells me that I don't know what I am doing, that i am liar. Then I will tell them that it is evident when someone lives as life. You hear it in their voice, you see it in their face, you know it. And it is not of Life to confuse others, to cast doubt in them, to disrupt them. Life builds and leads by example, living. Life cannot be stopped. It is our source. And what we will be. 

There is no other goal more important than becoming Life. 

If I feel fear than I stop that fear, because fear isn't part of Life. Fear is meant to trap you. Life is about Truth, and the truth is that your mind and emotions are there to enslave you. Only through dropping the mind can you step with Life. So fear is an ally of the mind. Distrust the mind, distrust your emotions, and trust in Life and oneness and equality, and actualize what is best for all.

Only you can be the one that makes sures you make it. There is no guarantee for anyone. It is done only by your hands. So there is no trust in others that they will make it and follow through. Trust in you and build you so you may help others, without expecting them to make it.

At your death, if you are not Life, then you won't matter. You only have this one chance, this one life, to make a difference, to be different than those who came before you. For generations we have lead lives of no impact. Impact where it really matters, in self. Now is your chance. You only have this one life, that is it. Good luck, you will need it.