Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Love and Relationships Day 161

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not getting married.
I forgive mysel ffor acceptin and allowing myself to fear not having kids
I foribe mysel ffor accepting and allwing myself to fear not having  awife.
I forgive mysel ffor accepting and allowing myself to fear not meeting my soul mate.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself ot fear not meeting and getting with the perfect person for me.
I forgiv emyself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the opportunity for the relationship that is meant or destined for me.
I forgiv emyself for accepting and allowing mysefl to believe in destiny and fate.
I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as powerless because destiny and fate will decide my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope and desire for destiny and fate to exist so that I won't have to lose anything, or attempt to try to gain something, because all is already decided.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing things, or opportunities to gain something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having enough money to provide for my kids.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to provide the best for my kids and wife.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing irreversible harm to my wife or kids.


When and as I see myself- seeking a relationship, hoping or thinking about the perfect relationship - I stop and breathe- I realize that I don't need a relationship to be happy- I realize that relationships don't really give me anything, except an opportunity to get to know myself with another person, and that person - I realize that I will never be defined by the person I am with - I realize that no one can really harm me, that I am here always, that we are just physical- I realize that if I enter a relationship I will enter it for me - I realize that the purpose of human relationship of bringing children into this world is sacred, and must be respected and valued accordingly - I realize it takes a great amount of time and commitment to raise children, which is why two people are ideal rather than just one - I realize that the best relationship is one that is built and stands the test of time, and flourishes, grows, and opens up, like a tree, starting out like a seed, sprouting, and becoming sturdier and bigger throughout the years.

I commit myself to find self-happiness in living my commitments, who I am in my written and spoken words, and living in this world daily.
I commit myself to explore who I AM in relationships, my personalities, and characters, in writing, and testing, and realign myself in writing out self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements.
I commit myself to enter into a relationship when I am ready to explore who I am, test who I am, and to build something sturdy that can serve both of us well.

I commit myself to consider seriously whether bringing children into this world is something I would choose to do.
I commit myself to if I start a relationship to do it full out, to make it the best relationship ever, and hold nothing back.


So i saw a photo of two people. I felt, love, or a good feeling. It reminds me of a memory, where I was like that way with another person myself. It reminds me of how I used to feel when hugging people. Of the physical touch, warm, feel of the fabric, hearing their chest move with breathing, and feeling my own muscles relaxed yet steady. I could describe it many ways, feeling trust, security, comfort, at ease, relaxed, safe, protected, like everything is alright or perfect. But now having written these words, I begin to feel sad. I remember when my relationship ended. I am reminded of how it is not actually here, now. How it is lost. One of the realizations that I wrote in my previous blogs was how emotions and feelings are not separate from me, so they can never really be lost. I see that in my memory, this good feeling expects that there be someone I am hugging, someone I am loving, for it to exist, be here, and not be lost. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that there be someone here in order for me to love and experience love as a feeling. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as a feeling as requiring another person, other than myself, for it to be present, here, and exist. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a hug. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a relationship. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my definition of love, since, supposedely love is such a great thing, why limit it to something, and instead to include everything, every action, every thing. When and as I see myself experiencing love and so fear of loss - I stop and I breathe- i realize that love exists because i have limited love, or myself, to just a few things or actions, instead of all things and actions - I realize that limiting myself to a few things or actions creates fear - I realize that having a fixed perception, or name, or definition, or who I am, who YOgan, is limits me - I realize that I create myself with the definitions I have for myself, which creates a feeling and thought about who I am- I realize that I want to live without desires or expectations of me that are limited, instead of with desires that are unlimited, boundless, outside space and time- I commit myself to eliminate love by loving every action and thing I commit myself to include all things and actions into consideration I commit myself to eliminate fear by including all actions and things into consideration I xommit myself to be flexible, adaptable, and unfixed. I commit myself to not limit the definition of who I am, to limitations. I commit myself to have the highest expectations for me. - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-understanding-part-1.html#.dpuf
So i saw a photo of two people. I felt, love, or a good feeling. It reminds me of a memory, where I was like that way with another person myself. It reminds me of how I used to feel when hugging people. Of the physical touch, warm, feel of the fabric, hearing their chest move with breathing, and feeling my own muscles relaxed yet steady. I could describe it many ways, feeling trust, security, comfort, at ease, relaxed, safe, protected, like everything is alright or perfect. But now having written these words, I begin to feel sad. I remember when my relationship ended. I am reminded of how it is not actually here, now. How it is lost. One of the realizations that I wrote in my previous blogs was how emotions and feelings are not separate from me, so they can never really be lost. I see that in my memory, this good feeling expects that there be someone I am hugging, someone I am loving, for it to exist, be here, and not be lost. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that there be someone here in order for me to love and experience love as a feeling. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as a feeling as requiring another person, other than myself, for it to be present, here, and exist. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a hug. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a relationship. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my definition of love, since, supposedely love is such a great thing, why limit it to something, and instead to include everything, every action, every thing. When and as I see myself experiencing love and so fear of loss - I stop and I breathe- i realize that love exists because i have limited love, or myself, to just a few things or actions, instead of all things and actions - I realize that limiting myself to a few things or actions creates fear - I realize that having a fixed perception, or name, or definition, or who I am, who YOgan, is limits me - I realize that I create myself with the definitions I have for myself, which creates a feeling and thought about who I am- I realize that I want to live without desires or expectations of me that are limited, instead of with desires that are unlimited, boundless, outside space and time- I commit myself to eliminate love by loving every action and thing I commit myself to include all things and actions into consideration I commit myself to eliminate fear by including all actions and things into consideration I xommit myself to be flexible, adaptable, and unfixed. I commit myself to not limit the definition of who I am, to limitations. I commit myself to have the highest expectations for me. - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-understanding-part-1.html#.dpuf
So i saw a photo of two people. I felt, love, or a good feeling. It reminds me of a memory, where I was like that way with another person myself. It reminds me of how I used to feel when hugging people. Of the physical touch, warm, feel of the fabric, hearing their chest move with breathing, and feeling my own muscles relaxed yet steady. I could describe it many ways, feeling trust, security, comfort, at ease, relaxed, safe, protected, like everything is alright or perfect. But now having written these words, I begin to feel sad. I remember when my relationship ended. I am reminded of how it is not actually here, now. How it is lost. One of the realizations that I wrote in my previous blogs was how emotions and feelings are not separate from me, so they can never really be lost. I see that in my memory, this good feeling expects that there be someone I am hugging, someone I am loving, for it to exist, be here, and not be lost. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that there be someone here in order for me to love and experience love as a feeling. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as a feeling as requiring another person, other than myself, for it to be present, here, and exist. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a hug. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a relationship. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my definition of love, since, supposedely love is such a great thing, why limit it to something, and instead to include everything, every action, every thing. When and as I see myself experiencing love and so fear of loss - I stop and I breathe- i realize that love exists because i have limited love, or myself, to just a few things or actions, instead of all things and actions - I realize that limiting myself to a few things or actions creates fear - I realize that having a fixed perception, or name, or definition, or who I am, who YOgan, is limits me - I realize that I create myself with the definitions I have for myself, which creates a feeling and thought about who I am- I realize that I want to live without desires or expectations of me that are limited, instead of with desires that are unlimited, boundless, outside space and time- I commit myself to eliminate love by loving every action and thing I commit myself to include all things and actions into consideration I commit myself to eliminate fear by including all actions and things into consideration I xommit myself to be flexible, adaptable, and unfixed. I commit myself to not limit the definition of who I am, to limitations. I commit myself to have the highest expectations for me. - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-understanding-part-1.html#.dpuf

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

A quest for understanding Part 1 -emotions and feelings Day 160

I finished up a series of blogs on humility. I suggest to check that out before reading this, if you wish to have a greater understanding of the context and the changes that are happening on a larger scale. You will however will be able to follow along anyway.

I ended the previous series of blogs on a point. This point was being present with my emotions and feelings. The practical application, thereof, is opening up something interesting. And I have questions, and seek answers. That is why I write tonight.

So there are two different moments I am experiencing. One is when there is a distinct voice, or thought I have, and I experience a feeling or emotion along with the thought. Another moment is one where I just experience a feeling, and its silent in my head, no thought.

I am curious as to why they are different. I admit they are different. In one I am taking a position, and my perception of the world changes, like I am clouded. The second one, I perceive what is here, and what I feel, without feeling like I am being pushed out of the way. The first one is more forceful and forces its way in. The second is just here, not really moving or going anywhere, not forcing me to stay or go, just present.

This could be the nature of positivity and negativity.

As with everything, Self-forgiveness will make things clearer.

So i saw a photo of two people. I felt, love, or a good feeling. It reminds me of a memory, where I was like that way with another person myself. It reminds me of how I used to feel when hugging people. Of the physical touch, warm, feel of the fabric, hearing their chest move with breathing, and feeling my own muscles relaxed yet steady. I could describe it many ways, feeling trust, security, comfort, at ease, relaxed, safe, protected, like everything is alright or perfect. But now having written these words, I begin to feel sad. I remember when my relationship ended. I am reminded of how it is not actually here, now. How it is lost. One of the realizations that I wrote in my previous blogs was how emotions and feelings are not separate from me, so they can never really be lost. I see that in my memory, this good feeling expects that there be someone I am hugging, someone I am loving, for it to exist, be here, and not be lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that there be someone here in order for me to love and experience love as a feeling.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as a feeling as requiring another person, other than myself, for it to be present, here, and exist.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a hug.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my definition of love, since, supposedely love is such a great thing, why limit it to something, and instead to include everything, every action, every thing.
When and as I see myself experiencing love and so fear of loss - I stop and I breathe- i realize that love exists because i have limited love, or myself, to just a few things or actions, instead of all things and actions - I realize that limiting myself to a few things or actions creates fear - I realize that having a fixed perception, or name, or definition, or who I am, who YOgan, is limits me - I realize that I create myself with the definitions I have for myself, which creates a feeling and thought about who I am- I realize that I want to live without desires or expectations of me that are limited, instead of with desires that are unlimited, boundless, outside space and time-
I commit myself to eliminate love by loving every action and thing
I commit myself to include all things and actions into consideration
I commit myself to eliminate fear by including all actions and things into consideration
I xommit myself to be flexible, adaptable, and unfixed.
I commit myself to not limit the definition of who I am, to limitations.
I commit myself to have the highest expectations for me.


More self-forgiveness, and self-correction, to arrive tomorrow.


Thursday, August 21, 2014

Quest for humility part 5 - Being present with my emotions day 159


My A. saying that he’s the best. I feel angry. I feel my blood rushing through my hands and feet, my heart pulsing. My breath is shallow. I feel like shouting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel my blood rushing through my hands and feet, when I am angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel my heart pulsing when I am angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to breathe shallow when I am angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like shouting when I am angry.
When and as I see myself feeling angry- I stop and I breathe – I realize that other people do not take anger well- I realize that when I am angry, I don’t really know what I am angry about specifically, I just feel it and act instantly – I realize that I don’t know where my anger comes from- I realize that the adrenaline I feel, is not good for my heart and my body – I realize that it is unnecessary for me to become angry, for my adrenaline to increase, my heart rate to increase, and to shout –
I commit myself to speak calmly and collected.
I commit myself to breathe when I get angry.
I commit myself to investigate and write about what makes me angry.
I commit myself to find out where my anger comes from.
I commit myself to through writing, introspection, self-inquiry, and self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements, find out where my anger comes from, how it works, and why it exists.
I commit myself to breathe when I feel adrenaline, especially when I am angry.

Why do I feel angry?
I feel angry because, A. made me angry, and my father made me angry.
How did I become angry?
I lost at chess, and my A. was shoving it into my face, and my father disagreed with me, and said I was just angry.
 Where does my anger come from?
All the times I have lost at things, and people had rubbed it in my face by celebrating, laughing at me, saying to me I’m not good, or dumb, or suck. And I wish that they would die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry because my A..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry because me father made me angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry when I lost at chess, and I perceived that my A. was shoving his victory in my face.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry when my father disagreed that A. was causing my anger, and that I was the one who was being angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry because I would wish people to die, when they would win things and rub it in my face, causing me to feel bad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when people laughed me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when people celebrate a victory,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when people say that I am not good.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when people tell me I am dumb.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when people tell me I suck.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that people would die if they made me feel bad.
When and as I see myself feeling angry because someone made me feel bad, and I wished that they would die – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I don’t really wish for anyone to die – I realize that I feel bad and I wish to stop feeling bad – I realize I am blaming people that call me bad things, for the reason why I feel bad – I realize I have placed value on words, on my name, on “who I am” and who people say “I am.” – I realize that anger starts with feeling like I am hurt and I blame another person for causing me to feel to hurt, and that is who I am angry with – I realize that when I am angry, I don’t feel hurt – I realize that I keep on getting angry so I don’t feel hurt – I realize that when I let go of feeling hurt, and stopping blaming others or anything for why I am hurt, then I will have no reason to get angry –
I commit myself to investigate and open up through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, self-inquiry, and self-introspection why I feel hurt when people call me names, and celebrate their victories.

I commit myself to kill “Yogan,” the who I am, the name, the value that is placed on the word “Yogan” and words associated to “Yogan,” through writing, self-inquiry, introspection, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective statements on feeling bad when people call me names, and celebrate their victories.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself, by finding why I feel bad, where does feeling bad come from, and how I feel bad, when people call me names, and celebrate their victories, and removing feeling bad.

“You suck”
I feel sad.
I’m remembering a time when I was at YMCA, and we were playing soccer in the court. I know I wasn’t very good. I was ok. I was mostly a defender. I certainly did not feel like I was as good as the other kids. I felt like the other kids were kind of harsh, or cared too much about winning. They would get angry sometimes. They talked as if playing soccer and being good at soccer was part of who they are, their identity.
I felt bad when I did poorly or made a mistake. Why? I felt like I was letting the team down, or myself down, that I could do better than that.
Why did I feel sad?
Because I wanted to win. Because I didn’t want to lost. I wanted to be better than my A.. I don’t know.
How did I feel sad?
When I lost or while I was losing, while playing with my A.. Because I remembered all the times I felt sad, when my A. would say certain things, I remembered when we would play together, me, my A., and my B., video games, or games outside, where I would lose and I would try so hard to win, and feel so sad. I took it personal. I took winning and losing personal, like it said something me, about who I am, and about who I was playing with. Why do we feel bad when we lose, and why do feel good when we win.
Where does feeling sad come from?
Memories of experiencing feeling sad that build up and connect to one another. In my early childhood, I felt sad when I lost toys. I would miss them, and wish I could find them again, and I would imagine finding them again, and feeling happy imagining that. Its like a fear when I realize, OH NO, I lost it, its gone forever, and then I feel sad. Feeling sad comes from feeling lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I was not as good as the other kids.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was not very good.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was ok.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resort to only being a defender in soccer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like that the other kids were harsh.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like the other kids cared too much about winning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive that the kids say soccer as part of their identity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive that the other kids would be get angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when I did poorly or made mistakes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I was letting the team down.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I was letting myself down.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I can do better than that.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad because I wanted to win.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad because I didn’t want to lose.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad because I wanted to be better than my A..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad because I don’t know.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I lost or while I was losing while playing with my A..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad because I remembered all the times I felt sad, while I my A. say things to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I would remember playing video games or playing outside a game, where I would be trying very hard to win, and I would lose to my A. or B..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take losing to my A. and B. in a game, personally.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to take winning to my A. and B. , personally.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that winning and losing says something about who I am, and who I am playing with.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself feel bad when I lose, and feel good when I win.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I lose a game because all of memories of losing games and feeling sad are connected.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I lose toys.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss my lost toys, and wish I could find my lost toys again.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine finding my lost toys again, and feeling happy, imagining that.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear when I lost my toys.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my toys are gone forever, and to then feel sad afterwards.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I feel lost.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I lose something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad after I experience fear of loss.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad after I experience the fear of having lost my toys.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I have lost something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that something is gone forever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that my lost toys are gone forever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that my toys are lost.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I have lost the chance at winning when I lose a game.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I have lost a chance at feeling happy when I lose a game.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy when I have my toys.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy when I play with my toys.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing happiness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine myself feeling happy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear feeling sad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing happiness when my A. beats me at chess.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine feeling happy when I beat my A. in chess or I am winning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing things.
When and as I see myself feeling angry because I fear losing something – I stop and I breathe – I realize that anger is stupid, that it doesn’t help me keep me from losing things- I realize that losing things is part of life, we lose hair, we lose friends and loved ones, we lose ourselves sometimes, we lose our way, we sometimes are lost and don’t know where we are, we lose our keys, our cellphones, we lose many things – I realize that feeling afraid of losing things, doesn’t help me to keep better track of them, to be organized, disciplined, and have a good memory for where I keep things – I realize that emotions are not real, that I can’t really lose them, that they are a part of, who I am, and how I am built – I realize that its time to be practical with myself, with how I live, what I do, with my emotions, and myself.
I commit myself to be organized and have a place for everything
I commit myself to be organized with my day, and have a time set for everything, a schedule for my day
I commit myself to learn to let go of things when they are gone.
I commit myself to find my way again, when I am lost, to reestablish my bearings, and figure out where I am.
I commit myself to, when I lose things, to be systematic, and search for where they are most likely to be found, and keep searching, until I have done my best and I am satisfied that it is not where I had considered it to be.
I commit myself to let go of emotions, to stop trying to feel a particular emotion, and control what emotion I am feeling right now.
I commit myself to be present, and allow what emotions I have to be here, and simply be here with myself, with emotions, and feelings and aware of what is going on within me.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

A quest-ion for humility part 4 commitment statements Day 158

This blog is unconventionally structured for today. For today, I will be taking my past realizations for the last three blogs, and writing out commitment statements reflecting those realization, for the purpose of living these commitment statements in my everyday life. As a promise to myself, I will check in within a week to see how my living of these commitments statements are.

I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf
I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf

http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-1-day-155.html
http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-2-day156.html
http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-3-day157.html

 I realize that I don’t know more than another – I realize that I am not more or less capable than another- I realize that others have something to offer based off of their life experience.

I realize thinking and the mind, will push for domination of me, if I allow it- I realize that without energy the control as suppresion of my being, will lessen- I realize that as long as I continue to generate energy as excitement, my being will be suppressed- I realize that as long as I contine to accept and allow myself to participate within energy, of any sort, my being will continue to be suppressed

 I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness


I commit myself to listen to another person, to not interrupt them when they are speaking, to let them speak and share their point, and to assert myself after they finish sharing their point so that I can equally share my perspective.

I commit myself to find people to ask them questions when I don't know something, and wish to know.
I commit myself to ask for help from other people when I am participating in a project that could use more hands or mental power to help me finish it.
I commit myself to help with projects that could use more hands or mental power, and ones that support what is best for all.
I commit myself to seek guidance and wisdom from those who have more experience than me.
I commit myself to be humble and ask someone a question despite any fear or resistance I may have.


I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf
I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf
I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf
I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf
I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

A quest for humility part 3 Day157

Throughout today, I have been saying self-forgiveness aloud when I was within the mind and energy. I found that today there was primarily nervousness. I did many self-forgivenesses related to fearing something. I would do the self-forgiveness aloud on the fear, and after I would see a drop in the nervousness, focused on my solar plexus. Like I shared in my post from yesterday http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-2-day156.html, energy suppresses my being, so to become and allow my being as humility to express itself, requires that I stop the thoughts, fears, energy, you name it. That's really the only way.

While i was in the tub, taking a bath, I notice fear within me. Well, at first I only noticed some pressure within me, and I was curious as to why it was there. I was especially curious as to why I was thinking SO MUCH. Because thinking is tied to energy, you can't have one without the other, I took a moment and focused in on my solar plexus. I waited until I could identify what feeling or emotion I had. So I identified nervousness, which is a fear emotion isn't it? So I next identified what in my environment is triggering this emotion?

It took me a little while, but then I remember how I was moving my hand in the water of the tub, and then it hit me. Its the water! So imaginations came up (which were stored like memories, instant and immediate retrieval) of drowning, of being stung by a jellyfish, of being eaten by a shark, of being lost at sea, of being in the water in the dark. So I did self-forgiveness aloud for fearing each fear. I notice the effects immediately on myself. The energy lessened, and I just kept breathing, stabilizing myself within my physical body and stopping participation in the energy and thinking, allowing my being to step further into the physical.

So my day consisted of several moments like the one above. And I followed the basic structure above. Noticing mind activity, identifying the emotion and feeling, identifying the trigger, applying self-forgiveness, breathing, and stabilizing myself, allowing me as my being to step through into the physical more.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in the water in the dark.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being stung by a jellyfish in the water.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being eaten by a shark.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear drowning in the water.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being humble enough.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being humble.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear presenting myself as not being humble, and as an ego.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being perfect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having anything to say.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to move.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the dark or unknown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear change and new possibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a new life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear.

When and as I see myself within and as fear, as my mind, reacting to fears within me, triggered by my environment, I stop and I breathe - I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness -

I commit myself to push on with self-forgiveness of my fears, as they are triggered by my environment, until there are no more fears and the energy subsides.


Monday, August 18, 2014

A quest for humility part 2 Day156

Read the previous blog for context.  http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-1-day-155.html

I notice how, when I speak, and especially write my blogs, how I am fighting myself. And I feel the energy rising within me, as I do this. And as i do this, what is in fact happening is that I am suppressing my being, as the mind becomes more prominent with the increased energy through the fighting.
I watched a Vlog on humility today, and I listened to an Eqafe video on humility as well. They helped me.
http://desteni.org/profile/165/vlog/EHSKrLoiyLM
https://eqafe.com/searches?utf8=%E2%9C%93&q=humble

I also haven't listened to this interview https://eqafe.com/p/mind-being-body-kryon, but this point of Being, Mind and Physical, is one that I have not paid attention to, and placed it in the context of my life.
I notice I can't be humble if I am within a reaction. When I am in a reaction, energy builds, and my being is suppressed, and humbleness as an expression as myself as life could only come from my being, not mind. I can see when I am in Ego, and suppressing myself. And I can see when I am not suppressing myself with energy, and when I am here, and allowing me as a being to exist, here, and express and just be.
I can see how I have used excitement to suppress myself, by building the energy within me, and suppressing me, I can see that.
I can see how I have accepted and allowed the belief that excitement is ok, because positivity is ok.
I can see how I have been suppressing myself as humility through generating energy as excitement.
I can see how I have also been using self-pity as an emotion to stay within energy as I attempt to stop excitement.
Self-pity is rather a prominent point within me. How can I have humility while self-pity is here?
Self-pity is an emotion, and it has specific backchats of self-pity. The backchats are about how I don;t know for sure. And I have self-pity for how I don't know for sure, like poor me, I wasn't taught or shown how to do this and I have failed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe, and perceive that I know everything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek guidance from somewhere out there, in the mysterious beyond, a greater force or power than myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about other people hearing that I have self-pity within me, and that they will approach me with pity, and tell me how sorry they are for me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about what will happen if I open up and share what is really going on within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to close off possibilities, and so deny myself humility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wreak havoc on myself, my world, and the people in my world, because I participated within thinking and the generation of energy, which led to a suppresion of my being as humility, and led to my possession as ego.

When and as I see myself suppressing my being as humility, through energy generated through thinking and participating in the mind- I stop and breathe- I realize thinking and the mind, will push for domination of me, if I allow it- I realize that without energy the control as suppresion of my being, will lessen- I realize that as long as I continue to generate energy as excitement, my being will be suppressed- I realize that as long as I contine to accept and allow myself to participate within energy, of any sort, my being will continue to be suppressed -
I commit myself to create the space for my beingness to step through, by stopping participation in energy, when and as I am aware my being is suppressed by my thinking and participation in energy.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

A quest for humility part 1 day 155


A statement I made today was this. Are you sure you’re the best person to talk about that?
I doubted that person’s ability to speak on the subject based on my past experience with him. I was wrong to do so. That person has much a right to speak on the subject as anyone, yet I denied him that, with my words.
When I said that to him, it was like in my mind, I saw him as being a person that would forever never be trusted or capable to speak on this subject. If I don’t allow trust, or allow the possibility that a person can change, what does that say about me, and how I relate to myself. It says that I have beliefs about myself that say that I will never change certain parts of me, that I would never give up.
 It’s interesting because that phrase, never give up, is something I have lived to an extent, of “never giving up” in the context of a commitment, however, within that context, what I actually do, is like for example, a loveless marriage, where I force myself to stay with a person, “never giving up” on them and the marriage, but really, I am not actually giving it my all, my everything, myself to push the marriage to be the best marriage I can make it. So the “never giving up” applies only to the context of never ending the marriage, instead of what would be the better position of never giving less than my best. Never give up is kind of empty then, or an inferior commitment compared to one that involves giving my best.
 So what is actually going then in my mind with this phrase? That the commitment is there within me to not change, but its interesting to see how, this commitment I have made is not what is best for me, or it is not a commitment to do what is best for me. Within me there is almost like an acceptance, in a form of, “well that’s pointing out the obvious!” in relation to me having a commitment within me to not change, and that this is not best for me. But its strange if I really push myself to see this point, why do I have a commitment within me, like in the loveless marriage example, that is not best for me? I mean a commitment takes work, right? There some effort involve, I mean I do experience that as energy and resistance, but those things do require my active participation.
 Now looking at the belief point; the belief is kind of like a peg in a railroad track. It holds the rails together to the log or piece of wood. Without the belief, it wouldn’t really have a structure, it would fall apart. So as a practical approach for me, I see that I can just focus on identifying the belief, because within doing so I identify the structure, and that will assist me in changing, since right now those beliefs are holding onto the structure of me not changing.
I see it as practical to end the blog here for tonight, and continue this tomorrow night. It will give me chance to digest the practical points raised about me. This will be a slow process because this, from where I stand, is a rather extensive point. I notice now, how the word I, I have a particular reaction to, and how this would tie into the belief about me, not changing, which is obviously a belief about self, and the word I, represents self. Ok, so this seems to be a good seg-way for tomorrow’s blog, and I will continue this next time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me as superior or better than others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as better than others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what another person will say, that might be wrong and incorrect, and then I will be forced to answer him, and correct him, in front of him, and causing him to feel embarrassed, and to feel embarrassed myself for causing him to feel embarrassed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what someone else is going to say and worry about what he is going to say, and worry about consequences of what he will say, that will be happening to those who hear him speak, and spread out person to person affecting this whole world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about the future as if it is real.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be practical in using the mind’s ability to notice patterns within circumstance, in relation to the principle of cause and effect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to possible futures, within my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my past, in fear of what the future will bring, because of what I have accessed as my memories of the past.
When and as I see myself reacting to knowing less than another, being told what is right or wrong by another- to breathe – I realize that I don’t know more than another – I realize that I am not more or less capable than another- I realize that others have something to offer based off of their life experience.
I commit myself to listen to others speak.