Yogan's Journey to Life

I really like the movie Moana. It is made by Disney. I like the Water. I observed the water specifically. How the water acted is how I act with children. It is my philosophy of the best way to work with kids. You guide them and step in only when you are needed. And knowing when to step back. Making the statement Knowing when to step in and knowing to step back, you might be like WTF???? But at the same time, ask yourself, YOU, do YOU ever step back or hold yourself back when your working with kids or with your own kids. Or do you every time just step in naturally. If you never step back, then know your probably messing things up, lol. Cause for SURE there are moments to step back. For sure. Without a doubt. So, The water steps back and you get to see who Moana is. You get to see Moana make her decision, you get to see Moana realize who she is. You get to see Moana lead herself. When Moana gives up the water accepts. When Moana is ready to fight, but isn't strong enough th...

What comes up within you when speaking, reading, hearing the word Self? Self refers to your self. Are you complete, whole? Are you fractured? Fearful? Worried Happy Sad Joyful What is the word or words? Whatever the words are it doesn't mean its good or bad. What matters is whether you were even aware of your relationship with yourself. What matters is that you have that connection with yourself. What matters is you KNOW what you feel. What matters is that you have that connection BECAUSE then you can actually make changes. Fact, You cannot change yourself without first knowing yourself. You have to Know thyself. Self is not something you can really categorize. Its not good or bad. It just is. You can be separate from yourself. You not know yourself. You can suppress yourself. You can abuse yourself. What words do you live with yourself? What changes can you make, or need to make to make things better? Are you happy with yourself? Maybe you need ...

You only accept and allow someone to do something to you, if you already have been and are accepting and allowing yourself to do it within yourself. Self is the key. Self holds the key. You are the Key. When someone yells at you and you react, its because you have been yelling at yourself within yourself already. If you stop all yelling, all abuse within yourself that you do to yourself, then no amount of yelling or abuse can cause you to react or feel anything. You are whole and complete. Right now we are not whole and complete. We are fractured. Right now when we see the abuse in the world, we react. Right now when we see people yell, scream, hit, abuse, gossip, we react. We react because we are doing these things to ourselves in our heads, with our thoughts, with what we feel. Reaction is feeling/emotion. You are feeling something about something. When you stop your own abuse, stop your own feeling something about something, within yourself, then you are free. T...

There are a million different abuses and problems in the world. Oceans are dying, the Earth is dying, children are dying and being abused, animals are dying, greed, violence, and an economic that perpetuates it. And on and on.... I am the meaning of Life. Saving the planet is not the point. Saving the world is not the point. Saving children is not the point. Saving the animals, the waters, the people are not the point. I am the point. I am a child. I am a planet. I am a water, a people, a earth. I am an animal. Am I saving me? I am living in emotional turmoil and suffering. I am living in abuse. What am I doing about it? Where is the value for the life that is me? How I treat me, isn't that how I will treat others? Is it possible to do what is BEST for others, even when I am not doing what is BEST for me? I may be thinking I am saving others or doing what is best for others, but is that not from my limited point of view if I am still abusing me, putting me through hel...

So I have been enjoying the physical. Enjoying the physical sound of music. Enjoying the feeling of my hand outside my car driving, feeling the wind. Being here in my body and addressing/stopping any physical pains. Enjoying the feeling of water on my body while showering. Enjoying the feeling of the cloth in bed. Enjoying the flavor and taste of pickles, bread, cheese. Enjoying the physical sun. Enjoying breathing heavily while working outside. Enjoying paying attention and focusing on a physical project and making it the best outcome. Enjoying playing a trick/joke on other people. Enjoying myself/alone. Enjoying my presence. Enjoying my gentleness and softness. Enjoying my ability to move and express anything I want to express in the moment. Enjoying my ability to work long hours. Enjoying my complete intimacy and depth with myself. Enjoying my own sound while singing. Enjoying my own dance while dancing. Enjoying the feel of my own clothes. Enjoying all of physical reality, in my ...

The very basic tenets from Desteni is that Emotions, feelings and thoughts? Problems. And its not because Desteni says so. I never listened to anybody just because they say so. Cause that's stupid. But when I heard the first time from Desteni how they describe how Energy works, and how emotions, feelings and thoughts work. Immediately knew it was true because I could see right away across my entire life how this has occurred. Every time I get excited about something or someone I get stupid, where I miss some things or ignore some things and I inevitably create my own downfall and create misery and suffering for myself. I mean, I could tell already in that moment that normal people wouldn't want to believe this to be true, or shall I say deny looking at how it is true and has happened across their entire lives. But its true. And most people will deny it. People will argue that love and light is good. People will defend the right to feel happy and pursue happiness, because it s...

Achieve Integrity. Integrity is the single most powerful force. A man with integrity will stop at nothing. A man with integrity can banish all fears. A man with integrity can command the physical. A man with integrity will vanquish all limitations. A man with integrity will bring about a new world. Integrity is the single most valuable thing. It is more valuable than all the money in the world. It is more valuable than all the relationships in the world. It is more valuable than all the Love and all the Sex in the world. It is more valuable than all the Drugs in the world. It more valuable than all the highs in the world combined. Nothing is more valuable than Integrity. Integrity is standing by and for what is best for all, as all as one and equal. Integrity is incorruptible. It is steadfast, unwavering and absolute. It is righteous, powerful, unstoppable. Integrity cannot be swayed, bribed, persuaded. Integrity cannot be moved, faltered, or weakened. A man with Integrity ...

So I am the process of finding work. And something I thought of doing is to take an aptitude test. I found something interesting. In the aptitude test, I saw that my Strengths and skills are in math, analytical thinking, logic, reading, writing, solitary work. My weaknesses are social interaction, working with people. The aptitude test also asked what my interests were. I looked down the entire list. Nothing interested me. The closest thing is Philosophy. So in the list there were things like economics, finances, construction, everything. The one thing I would like to do is help people become better, to become more aware of themselves, and learn. That is my interest. The aptitude test then asked me what my preferred working environment is. I love working outdoors, I could work outdoors the entire day. I love it. That is my preferred working environment. So to summarize my ideal job would involve 1. Strengths- Math, analytical thinking, numbers, logic, mental labor 2....

This blog post may not be so great. The thing I worked on today involves my relationship with my mom, at an early age. She was my root, my connection to this world. She was my world, my sun, my everything. I felt like I connected to her, I felt understood, I felt I received attention. And when I was not with her I noticed the difference. When I started school, I notice most people, or  really no one gave me that same attention and treated me that way. What I can observe now is that as I met people that actually in some way did give me attention and was nice and kind to me, I started really liking those people, having crushes on them, or just wanted to hug them. You have to understand that I felt so much love for my mom, then I would love to go up to her and hug her. And I related to some of my teachers this way. But why is this? Why feel this way? Because what happens later is the relationship falls apart, where I start talking about things where she doesn't understand. I sta...

So saying/making the statement I don't care what other people think of me, I feel guilty, bad, resistant like anyone who ever makes this statement shouldn't. Because they are probably suppressing something, hiding something, and that's why they are saying it. Well here is an example of utilizing myself to create what is best for all. Because if I don't even take my thoughts seriously meaning I am actively stopping, and not listening or trusting any thought within me. Why in hell would I feel any differently to what other people think, the thoughts other people have, the opinions, beliefs, judgements, statements. I mean I would only be making it equal, how I view my thoughts, and other people's thoughts. So when I made this statement I saw a change, where I become more effective in what I do. Thoughts are thoughts. Whether they are within you or another person. Its still a thought. Thoughts in themselves are not in the physical or substantial. And the thought...

Strength, Being Strong. Speaking strong. Moving Strong. My Strength I have always been strong enough. I am strong. I have only suppressed it, muffles it, snuffed it out, with fear. I am afraid of being strong and using my strength to change the world. I am afraid of having an affect on people, on having power over people, on having power over the fate of the world, and the lives of individuals. I am afraid of having the ability through speech alone being able to motivate, move people into a direction. I am afraid of the responsibility. I am afraid of failing and being corrupted by power. I fear having power and being powerful.  All these fears are lies. Because being weak, doing nothing, just not participating, not having an affect, not having a say, your just sealing the already existent fate of the world. Right now, it is certain that by doing nothing your damning the world and everyone to hell. That is our current trajectory. So doing something, anything is damn sure better....

I grew up in an environment where enlightenment was considered real. so I expected that through meditation, which meant like sitting in the room and not thinking, I would get enlightened. Where I would be happy all the time, and have all the right things to say in any moment. And nothing and no one can touch me, make me react in anyway, forever., permanently. Looking back now, I just didn't have the proper understanding of how the mind works. Though I tested the tools I had to the extreme. So I saw directly meditation is not enough. That was when I found the desteni tools. I found that self-forgiveness can stop thoughts, emotions/feelings in the moment, and you can move as your body without thought. So its not that I disowned enlightenment, or think it was stupid. I just found the actually way to get there. This is what changed in my understanding: 1. It will happen in one moment  VS You will physically, practically change yourself point by point 2. You just need to stop y...

When I had a partner I told her that I love her equally. We were talking about how come we loved each other, and I told her, "In truth I know that I could love anyone equally, meaning that it just happens to be you, but it could have been anyone." Suffice to say, NO ONE, in present times, would want to hear that. What do people want to hear, they want to hear how you are special, how you are so beautiful, so wonderful, so precious. My father even tried to teach me that. So this is no secret. But I didn't do that in that moment. For me, I tried not to add any energy to the relationship. I tried to maintain oneness and equality. Because relationships based on specialness or unequal love, is a lie. If you love anyone more than anyone else, that is a lie. Equal love is true love. Equal love is loving everyone equally. This isn't a grand statement. You don't try to increase the energy within you to feel love for everyone. You actually decrease the energy within you...

Judging people before you get to know them. This leads to great suffering. Judgment. What is Judgment? Judgment is when you have a thought, a thought about something, and you believe it, and charge it emotionally. The truth doesn't need believing it just exists, and it exists without emotion or feeling. So judgment is not that.  How many times have judged something or someone. Maybe it is a group of people. Maybe its people with money, without money, beautiful people, ugly people, happy people, sad people, loners, popular people, friendly people, nasty people, spiritual people, pessimistic people. All of these words represent forms of judgment. Because there is no way one word can define an entire person. Looking at what was said yesterday, Evil needs to stop. So here Judgment is evil, and evil, the act of evil, and the thoughts must stop. Because this evil, judgment leads to suffering. How many opportunities did you screw up because of what you judged another to be, and ther...

The past year in the half I have been reeling in suffering. I have been giving up too easily. I get cranky. I don't clean up my messes and haven't been doing all my responsibilities. I have been doing less. And what I have been trying to do is to figure out why. I don't know. I have pushed myself to do more/better but it hasn't worked. I went through an experienced about a year and a half ago. I also went through experiences the last 3 years. I have met certain people, spent time with them. In short I faced evil. I faced moments with people where they were truly evil. They deceived me, lied to me. They did it with a smile. They took and still continue to take advantage of people everyday, even right now as I write this. And there is nothing I can do to make them stop. I am powerless. Bernard once said sometimes you have risk getting screwed over. And I believe that, and I still believe it. Because this life is too short, and valuable to waste not trying new things. ...

Imagine, hearing the sound of people that you loved and cared about and were completely committed to, making sounds of wanting you out, cheering for you to be gone, being completely against you and knowing that the reason is because someone is manipulating them and telling them lies. Imagine, the first person you ever kissed, who you were completely committed to, and wanted to be with and spend time with, telling you that they don't want to spend time with you anymore and that you are a burden to them. Imagine that you blamed yourself. There is absolute suffering, hell, devastation within you. You heart is shattered. Your in constant suffering within yourself. You feel remorse and grief. You feel pain and anguish. You want to cry from the pain you feel.   You are traumatized. You are stuck and frozen in time. Do you have any preparation for this? Is there anyone that can actually assist you properly? Because getting angry, wanting revenge and blaming.... are not an...

Fear of Being Alone. We do a lot in the name of NOT being Alone. I have done a lot. How much? I went into years of depression because I had people in my life. I had the attention, the love, the admiration, the worship, celebration, care. I felt needed and wanted, I felt I belonged. I felt like this is who I am, I found myself, this where I am supposed to be and do. All of this that I felt and thought was a lie. Because these feelings are lies. These thoughts are lies. This positivity, this bliss, this pleasure is a lie. How can feeling good be a lie? I was part of some people's everyday life. I got to know them. They would smile at me, and I would make them happy. When I would make they happy, laugh and have fun, I felt amazing. I felt complete, I felt great, I felt wonderful and bliss. This is all I ever wanted to do forever. Just make them happy. I wanted to keep them in my life, and I wanted them to keep me in their lives. I wanted to own them and be owned. I wanted...