I know
I know! I know. I knowwwww!!!!!! I know, I know, I know. Stop telling me, I know!!!!!!!
I don't know what I am doing. I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know!
Have you ever felt this way? I have. I felt stressed, annoyed irritated, shameful, confused, lost, worried, afraid and despair.
Why does this happen?
The best thing to do is to look at a memory to figure out this question. So I remember when I was learning to drive and my father was teaching me. He was telling me something I already knew, so I told him I know, I know! I felt annoyed irritated and angry. I didn't like him telling me something I already knew because I FELT that he thought I didn't know that, and I FELT stupid in his eyes, even though in reality that is not the case. So I let what I felt as a reaction get the better of me in that moment, where I trusted this insecurity and self-judgement that rose within me. I know that this is connected to time in the classroom where I judged those who knew answers to question as being better/smart, and those who didn't know answers as dumb. So this ties into the I don't know thinking. Because when I don't know I FEEL inferior, and lacking worth. And a moment where I think that is when I faced a challenging moment where I was exploring something new, that I didn't know what the outcome would be like. So I felt insecurity in myself, and in what I am doing, within not knowing what was going to happen. The truth is that yes I didn't know what was going to happen, but that is part of exploring something new. You are not going to know what is going to happen. So in both cases, what I felt initially as a reaction mislead me and was not best for me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior when it pertains to what knowledge I do or do not have on a subject, and so instead have my self-value and self-worth not tied AT ALL to what knowledge I do or do not have, but instead tied to me as who I am as my principles, values, and daily life decisions and directions I make.
I don't know what I am doing. I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know!
Have you ever felt this way? I have. I felt stressed, annoyed irritated, shameful, confused, lost, worried, afraid and despair.
Why does this happen?
The best thing to do is to look at a memory to figure out this question. So I remember when I was learning to drive and my father was teaching me. He was telling me something I already knew, so I told him I know, I know! I felt annoyed irritated and angry. I didn't like him telling me something I already knew because I FELT that he thought I didn't know that, and I FELT stupid in his eyes, even though in reality that is not the case. So I let what I felt as a reaction get the better of me in that moment, where I trusted this insecurity and self-judgement that rose within me. I know that this is connected to time in the classroom where I judged those who knew answers to question as being better/smart, and those who didn't know answers as dumb. So this ties into the I don't know thinking. Because when I don't know I FEEL inferior, and lacking worth. And a moment where I think that is when I faced a challenging moment where I was exploring something new, that I didn't know what the outcome would be like. So I felt insecurity in myself, and in what I am doing, within not knowing what was going to happen. The truth is that yes I didn't know what was going to happen, but that is part of exploring something new. You are not going to know what is going to happen. So in both cases, what I felt initially as a reaction mislead me and was not best for me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior when it pertains to what knowledge I do or do not have on a subject, and so instead have my self-value and self-worth not tied AT ALL to what knowledge I do or do not have, but instead tied to me as who I am as my principles, values, and daily life decisions and directions I make.
Comments
Post a Comment