Suicide Character day70

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So here, I will be taking on a "new" point. The last two blog posts will be continue to be developed as part of a DIP assignment and will eventually be posted again, but with more deeper insight into the situation (me). 

Ok- so the suicide character. 

I give up, I don't want to live anymore; Life is too hard; why me? God oh why!?

Feeling apathetic, emptiness, low energy.

A craving for excitement, feelings, something to fill the gap the emptiness that oneself has created through acceptance and allowance of fear. 

I made fear into a big deal, a big thing. When its just fear. Its no more than another reaction. The fact that for thousands of years man has been controlled and manipulated by fear is quite startling when considering that it originates within SELF. We are the ones that feel fear. There is no one that is inserting fear within you. It is all in the mind. 

I feared changing and becoming responsible for all/this existence.

Behaviorally, I noticed I laid in bed, and never wanted to get up, a term for this is hypersomnia. I lost appetite. My breathing was often shallow. I felt nervous whenever I thought of my work.

Solutions: Breathing fully, moving with breath. Moving myself to do what is best for all, which include all that I am immediately responsible for, that which I can affect. Taking Self-responsibility for the mind, the backchat, the imaginations, pictures, everything and anything of the mind. Then applying self-forgiveness...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "i give up" within and as me to define me as the suicide character where I avoid challenges to my self-concept as capable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "Life is too hard" within and as me to define me as the suicide character that hides from the challenges of Life instead of preparing oneself to face the challenges in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the feeling of emptiness within me- i realize what I am experiencing is in fact energy and is not a real emptiness. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing low energy, which I can immediately correct by breathing and directing myself to face the next challenge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a craving for excitement within and as me, where I started using the excuses of low energy, "i give up," "Life is hard," to then think I need to have more fun and gather more energy, so I started doing things to make myself feel good, pretending that this was "taking care" of me and supporting me- instead of actually supporting myself to face my insecurities and correct myself and fulfill my responsibility to myself and everyone as life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear changing and becoming responsible for all/this existence, because that would mean that I would make every minute of my day count, that I would have to be dedicated to supporting everyone with my time and not just chase after my selfish desires, but must consider all within everything I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make fear bigger than what it actually is, an excuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lay in bed when I should be getting up and starting the day and making good use of my time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose my appetite for food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a shallow breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with nervousness to my work instead of working with what needs to get done here.