day79 Creating a War within myself .........(not advised) ............(no seriously, don't do it!)

Hey, so just to share, I have been creating a war within myself. Instead of picking the point that all would agree with: what is best for all... I have instead been perceiving myself as an individual that can be attacked on this point that, within this imagination of being attacked, I am really deep down, hiding points that I fear being exposed, because I fear that I may have to let them go for what is best for all. So herein I make the commitment to expose me completely, to question every point within me, to not react at what is existent within me and judge what is within me as bad, before I even get to expose it for myself. Bad, the word bad, or evil, can be put to good use, to serve what is best for all. It also can be used to cause separation. So within this commonsense perspective, words are innocent, including the word evil, and from my view, I cannot see a word that is not innocent. So we do in fact abuse words, whenever we do not use them as how they would want to be treated, to serve what is best for all. As we see from the portal, the possibility exists that everything is aware, which to me makes much more sense than everything not being aware. It makes more sense to me that we are all beings, and that who we really are is one and equal, however we have not been living that. This makes sense to me. And I would choose to live this way because it is the best message possible, because it empowers me, that anything I will face in this existence will be me, because this existence is me, there are no rules or boundaries except being aware that we are all one and equal, and within that I find a strength. However I am a long way away of clearing up what I am not moving myself to see, which is what is here, what is physically here. 

So I start again, I have been creating a war within myself. I perceive others as enemies, as threats to who I am, and how I am living. I perceive a threat to free-will and free choice. I do know already that this is silly. I do know already that I am creating a fuss. I do know already that what I am doing is running in circles. I do know all this, yet I have not let go. Why? What am I holding onto that is so important? Pride? Ego? Greed? A desire to be great or famous? I see a picture of me being a leader, being a great prophet essentially. I see a snakes tongue speaking and convincing people, moving people, believing and desiring myself to control the will of others, under the excuse of creating a world that is best for all. This is silly, and I know that already. Everyone is here and everyone is equal already, it is even through our equality that we are able to manifest inequality. Because others would willingly fall into your control does not give me the right to manipulate others, unless it would actually support them in some way to realize that they are not standing as who they really are as life, one and equal to me and everyone. This is the journey we must take, to realize we are all one and equal, and there is not a single point in this existence that isn't. Which is why its so hilarious when people say Bernard is a leader or we destonians look up to Bernard in an inferiority fashion, because the very principle of oneness and equality would not allow Bernard to do such a thing, and indeed if you observe his actions, he always speaks from the point of oneness and equality, trying to bring others up, and challenge them to realize the simple truth, there are no superiors, there are equals. there are no inferiors, there are equals. There is only this physical existence that is of importance, we all have different forms, yet we are equal. The equality is within who you are and how you live within your life situation. Are you accepting any inferiority within you? 

So for me, the answer is yes, I have. I have been existing in an excuse realm of inferiority. Afraid to speak the truth I have been living. Because truth, you see, is something you live, its not something you know, it is what you live, here, now, in this moment. What are you hiding, because that is who you are lol. If you do not hide, well that may mean that you know yourself, doesn't it lol. Yet another polarity can be played here. You or I could then believe that not hiding is an answer, lol. That forgets the whole point of oneness and equality. It is just that. Hiding is one manifestation that we can hide within, our responsibility to ourselves and each other as equals. There is nothing wrong with hiding in it self. hiding is hiding. What matters is what you are hiding. 

I made the mistake once to believe that if I simply spoke truthfully of everything, that means, whatever was on my mind I would share it. This is stupid. Because truth is not about being an automatic robot that speaks whatever comes up in you head. THat is not living your WorDs! Also, something I knew, yet yet, is there an excuse? I knew it. I knew it. 

So... self-honesty, as in sharing what is really going on. I have a mind. The mind does speak to me. This I see as problematic because how can I really live, if I do not work with the information myself, and see how to make decisions, and how to assess what is right and wrong, if I do not do it myself, and instead let something which I do not really know how it works, where it comes from, and really nothing about it, besides that it is here and it speaks to me? I cannot really live, because living would imply I could do all things that comes with being alive, and that includes making decisions. How can I make a decision, when all I feel is fear of a certain outcome, and magically I decide to do a certain thing instantly without a real foundation of trust that I will produce the outcome that I intended? I intend to be the individual that is able to work with this reality, to see how to make the outcome that I am choosing. I do not see fear playing a useful role within that. I must stop fear, not because it is bad in itself, but because it is bad for making decisions, it is bad for paying attention, it is bad for being here, it is bad for living. Fear kills, and I want to live. So its nothing personal, its just my choice. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear within me. 

When and as I see fear within me, I stop and breathe- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this fear, for having built this fear, and participated in this fear- I remind myself that fear does not serve a purpose other than being fear within me. I remind myself that I do not have to accept fear within me because of my history of accepting fear. I can let go of fear, and I will remain. This indicates I am not fear, that it is not who I really am. It indicates fear is my creation and i am taking responsibility for it now. I realize I am actually transforming fear into something useful, into a remembrance of who I am as life, and that fear is really life as well, representing my absence to life, as well as my transformation into life. I realize the same goes for everything that I forgive. Everything is a gift for transformation, the positive energies, the negative energies, its all energies, and its all the enslavement we play with. I remember clearly when I was younger, that I played with the positive and negative energies within me. I knew the moment that the portal spoke on the polarity of energies and how we must stop, I knew what she meant. I knew, and I feel within me that we all do in fact know. This is for you to be self-honest about. Enslavement has been a ruse, we are playing with. We can stop at anytime. We can stop the participation in our minds for this moment. If we can stop in this moment it means we can stop participation in every moment. But it does not mean it will be easy. This depends on whether we really are forgiving. Whether we are really being honest. Whether we really trust ourselves to know what is best for all in this moment. And whether we really take responsibility to create what is best for all as one and as equal. 

I have a long journey ahead of me. I will be sharing to myself the various stuff going in inside me. I will post a select amount of it in my blogs, one point I saw was important is to post only what is self-honest. At the same time I must be careful on what i post. My goal is to do what is best for all. Let's see if I am willing to forgive myself, to trust only that which is best for all, to take responsibility, and be self-honest throughout that whole process. I will create my destiny. 

I commit myself to walk my journey.
I commit myself to do a self-forgiveness for fearing repeating things I have already done.
I commit myself to walk all parts of me, on all the levels where I exist within: mind, physical, quantum mind, unconscious, subconscious and conscious mind etc...
I commit myself to face what I do not know, and learn about it.
I commit myself to face myself openly, and get to know me entirely, slowly over time at the right pace, without skipping points, unless i require to for practical reasons.
I commit myself to always to start with what is relevant here, as a point of practicality.
I commit myself to remind myself and check with myself what energies are existing within me, and to then face this with self-forgiveness, self-intimacy, self-honesty, self-trust and self-responsibility.
I commit myself to walk with breath, breath by breath- and live self-honesty in the moment.
I commit myself to learn what self-trust is and to ask help from others to learn what this means.
I commit myself to share in writing how I live with myself, and what forgiveness and commitments I am making without reservations or fear, but only with practicality in mind with what I share online, and what is a sufficient amount for others to read, as well as what is too much to be read.
I commit myself to write down the forgiveness and commitments I make in a day, everyday.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear participating in repetition, and time loops, and any indication that is attached to the idea or concept that I am repeating something and I am time looping.

When and as I see myself fear repeating something over again, something that I thought I had already accomplished or integrated into myself- I stop and breathe, and realize if I am repeating a pattern it means I have not learned my lesson and now is the opportunity to learn for real what I skipped or forgot to do, or purposely left behind.

I commit myself to face my patterns and timeloops.

More SF +SC I made today

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge fighting for my individuality with energy.

When and as I see myself fighting for my individuality while charging energy- I stop and I breathe- I realize individuality is a nice trick that the mind plays to keep me in a constant struggle, never finding answers, never finding solutions, only charging energy and making highs and lows- I realize that individuality should not be something fought for if I was truly individual as a birthright, that the fact I am individually responsible for this existence as myself is not something to be questioned or fought for, but realized and then lived- I realize I am part of this existence, that I am in this one existence, and that everyone and everything is inherently of equal value as life- I realize fighting in the eons of time has led to no solutions - I realize the real fight is the one within myself, that I must stand up and stand infinitely- I realize that the costs of war is myself, am I willing to give myself up? no. - I realize that I must be practical always within everything I do, there is no backdoor, there is only this physical reality, and I have a limited amount of time on this planet- I realize I do not know when my time to die will be and so I should ask myself whether if I were to die now, whether I would be satisfied with how I am living now- I realize that I care about making this reality a place that cares for life, and so any excuses to fight or to resist or to create conflict is stupid, unless it serves a higher goal of creating a world that is best for all, it would be plain stupid - I realize words are a great strength in supporting me, and I can expand myself as far as i take myself within words- I realize words are me, I am not separate from words- I realize I create myself with my words- I realize that the energies I experience are me and the backchat I hear is me- I realize that if I deny the backchat and energies that would lead to suppression, instead I must face myself with forgiveness, honesty, and intimacy, and treat myself equal and one, as how I would want to be treated- I realize that there is no instruction manual on how to make my process, I must figure out for myself how to apply the tools that I have been given- That being said, I can utilize DIP Pro as a tool, to make my path a little easier-  I realize I am individually responsible for what I create with my life, I cannot blame no one at the end of my time on earth- I realize sometimes I must create conflict in order to wake people up- I realize there is nothing inherently wrong with conflict- I realize I must correct the separation that exists between myself and reality, and so must everyone else if we are to live together as equals in a world of maximum enjoyment and creation, with no needless pain that serves no purpose: starving to death, torture to gain a profit etc...

I commit myself to use conflict to support what is best for all.
I commit myself to use the breath as a check to see whether I am aware of what is inside of me.
I commit myself to see my true intentions behind things I do.
I commit myself to expand and grow in all parts in my life, according to my self-direction and consideration of what is a priority, which I check with self-honesty.
I commit myself to not go to any extremes but to walk my process in moderation, where I balance all areas of my life.
I commit myself to provide a sufficient enough investigation, within practicality, in an area in my life before I decide to either cut it out or to expand and grow within it.
I commit myself to test my self-honesty within making all decisions.
I commit myself to find my stable point before I embark in making an investigation/research into a decision, and while I make the actual decision.
I commit myself to make sure I am taken care of, because this body and this life is my responsibility, and I recognize it is no one else's. I recognize we each have to take self-responsibility for ourselves, because this is what is practical.
I commit myself to make sure I have taken care of myself before I go out and help another, because I would be useless if I try and help another while I am in need of support in some area.
I commit myself to recognize fully that I AM equal to another.
I commit myself to erase all inferiority within me to another. 
I commit myself to stick with what is practicle, what it is I can work with the will be a real lasting change or effect.