Yogan's Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the emotions and feelings that are generated within hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse this body through participating within and as energy while I am within and as hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as hate. When and as I see myself participating within and as hate, I stop and I breathe- I realize hate does not help us build anything- I realize hate is simply an outburst of ego trying to get on top of the pile of shit - I realize nothing worthwhile is created from hate - I commit myself to stop hate within and without. I am perceiving some people as hating, and I judge that they should not be hating. I felt conflict. I don't know what to think. They should not be hating. How can I help them see that. Within that I feel stressed. Within helping them I generate energy as positivity, but I ...

Today an interesting point came up, where I was asking why i was a certain way, and I said that it does not matter why I am like this, what matters is what I am, who I am, right now. Within that some things came up of who I am, and that I can change who I am. The part of why is relevant only so far it informs me of who I am. Though why is not so important. It is bottom line, who I am that matters. Within that I gained power to change some things instantly, that came up, to say no, simply by recognizing who I am in a moment here (nervous), and then moving myself to change. So this is where oneness and equality comes into play, by recognizing what is you, you gain power to change you. So in the same way, seeing this reality as you,  gives you the power to change reality as you. The change happens on a who you are level, which requires following through on a practical level. Who are you and what will you do about it? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to picture mys...

INFERIORITY. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to XXX. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to XXX. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider myself as dumb in comparison to XXX. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to YYY. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to YYY. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to ZZZ. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to ZZZ. I forgive myself or accepting and allowing myself to consider myself as dumb in comparison to ZZZ. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to AAAA I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to AAAA I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myse...

So one thing I have been participating in, is energy in my words, and specifically negativity. I play myself out in a negative way. How I feel right now is tons of energy. Now, one reason why I am not stopping is because I seem to be addicted to talking about myself to others. And I perceive writing right now as if I am talking about myself. So this is the primary point, writing and generating energy within writing about myself. And so I am not stopping the energy. SO I remember as a child, I would share myself with my mother. And when I would share a realization to her, I notice I would immediately forget what I had realized and sometimes I would actually do the opposite of what I realized not to do. The nature of the realization was to better myself. To acquire some perspective or knowledge that was making me more aware. Yet within sharing it I became less aware. I notice I would feel great within sharing. I see now a connection with the thought pa...

Working with others can be very difficult. For me, I often become a different person than when I am alone. One thing that is easy for me to forget is that I am always alone with myself. I prefer to be this person always, because I am standing by myself always. I have not been myself for the last 9 months. I took myself to the metaphorical sacrificial altar to sacrifice myself in the name of the money system, in order to sell myself out, to "know who I am" according to a position in the system of money or education. I highly do not recommend sacrificing yourself. You lose everything and more. You become blind, deaf, and senseless all at once. To others you appear happy. Indeed, it is the only way to cope with the betrayal.It became a free-for-all for the systems of the mind. As I write this I am forgiving all the charges I see that I have placed on my words. So, one thing that has happened is that my words have received positive and/or negative charges. I have a tendency to sa...

Hey, so just to share, I have been creating a war within myself. Instead of picking the point that all would agree with: what is best for all... I have instead been perceiving myself as an individual that can be attacked on this point that, within this imagination of being attacked, I am really deep down, hiding points that I fear being exposed, because I fear that I may have to let them go for what is best for all. So herein I make the commitment to expose me completely, to question every point within me, to not react at what is existent within me and judge what is within me as bad, before I even get to expose it for myself. Bad, the word bad, or evil, can be put to good use, to serve what is best for all. It also can be used to cause separation. So within this commonsense perspective, words are innocent, including the word evil, and from my view, I cannot see a word that is not innocent. So we do in fact abuse words, whenever we do not use them as how they would want to be treated, t...

I have been having some internal conflict. I had expectations that the Desteni group would be very focused in on process. Absolutely dedicated, where each moment they live self-forgiveness, that they are trying very hard to be here in every breath, yet being easy on themselves, because it is not a force pressure or a contest, because your dealing with yourself here. If you are harsh within stopping the mind, you are harsh with yourself, which creates conflict. Instead you can be direct and clear with yourself, and simply be firm on your decision and stance of who you are. Obviously we can all be much more effective. Its not like the Desteni group is a select breed of humans, they are ordinary people who are consciously facing the consequences that we all as humanity have accepted and allowed to be perpetrated on Life as ourselves, i.e. humans, plants, animals, and the existence. I was worried of being an ego for saying this. However, I have made the decision to disregard that which ign...

Reading over my last post I identified a charge. People looking at me. I think they are judging me. I think what they could be thinking of me. I get worried, scared. I think I am dumb. I think I am ugly. I think I am a wierdo. I think I am nothing. I think I cannot do anything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am dumb" with nervousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am dumb" come up in response to when people are looking at me.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am dumb" within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am ugly" with fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am ugly" with nervousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am ugly" come up in response to when people are looking at me.  I forgive myself...

--> I was walking to the cashier line. A young woman was in line waiting to pay for her food. She was looking at me. I looked back. For a moment we looked at each other. She then turned away. I built the expectation that she was now interested in me, because I showed interest in her. So I expected that she might look at me again. She was finishing paying her things, meaning that she would soon leave. I kept my face away, so as to not appear to be looking. I was looking out of the corner of my eye. I did not see anything that indicated that she looked. I felt nervous. I see a fear of loss, of trying to get a relationship and it not working out, and I am there standing alone looking like a loser.. A picture of myself looking sad standing in a dark space, I look moppy. A song places “Im a freak, Im a weirdo…” I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that because the young woman was looking at me, that must mean she was interested in me. I forgive ...

Pain  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate  myself from pain. Low I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to another, such that I feel worse, "low." "I Know" I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say I know when I do not in fact know. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to present myself as knowing when i do not in fact know. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress knowledge. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from knowledge. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress myself.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress emotions.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and suppress memories.

So in general, the sciences always investigates things in separation of themselves. They consider that there is an out there separate from me, that what is out there is in separate from me. This is a mistake on parts of the sciences, because as anyone who has spent time with themselves alone, can see how much of what's inside is in outside in the world, in others too. Also, vic versa, much of what is outside of us is inside of us too. So its a huge error to assume that what is in this world is separate from oneself. Ok, so that was one problem. Within Behaviorism, we can see this manifested specifically through looking at the behaviors of others and assuming that that is all there is. Like there is nothing more than the behavior. That behavior is all we are. Again, anyone who has ever spent time with themselves alone would know that we often hide things in our minds, secret intents, and that we also are sometimes directing ourselves, and that most of the time not so much. So there...

W O R D S Today I watched the eqafe video by Anu about words: The Nature of Words - Reptilians - Part 183 I also spent some hours for writing a word, saying the word outloud, and then writing what came up and apply self-forgiveness, like so: -->  Word: Performance -what if I don’t do well enough? -I have to do better. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘performance’ to the words ‘what if I don’t do well enough?’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘performance’ to the words ‘I have to do better.’ Word: last year -its too long ago -it doesn’t matter. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words ‘last year’ to the words ‘its too long ago.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words ‘last year’ to the words ‘it doesn’t matter’ The above example was written when I was writing an email to a professor and I noticed I ...

Im taking a moment to write about Sudbury school because it represents to me an opportunity for us as humanity to correct the fuckup that we have allowed total and complete suppression of everyone, and it starts in childhood, with schools, and at home, and later on in the workplace, and also with friends. I am not a liberal minded person, I am person that cares for everyone period, even if you do not care about yourself, I care about you. Because I know we are each life, one and equal, and i know this because it is something you live and actually demonstrate. This is proof enough for me. Stand together with me, let's be strong together.  Here's a recording of a live chat where I spoke with Anna and Marlen about the balance of freedom and responsibility. The Sudbury School seems to be a reasonable alternative to other schools. There is a general branch of schools called free schools, that have varying differences. Sudbury is its own category. From t...

I am very confused. I do not like what I am feeling, or what I am participating in. But I am doing it anyway. Why? I feel like there is something inherently wrong with me. That I cannot do anything. I question whether I am just playing the victim. Am I? Why would I accept and allow this, why would I accept and allow such a hell for myself? There is something that I believed I could not do on my own- and I asked the mind for help. Now within participating with a group I am living this statement, however I have always existed in a group, everyone does; we all effect each other in every moment. I feel like I may just be ranting to get attention. Is this true? Do I just want attention from people, where I generate energy from attention and feel good? Within me I am feeling a response- energy building up and it feels pleasant- so I interpret this as a clear Yes. SO what now? SO obviously if I just run away, and If I were to come back I would still have the same react...

--> So here, I will be taking on a "new" point. The last two blog posts will be continue to be developed as part of a DIP assignment and will eventually be posted again, but with more deeper insight into the situation (me).  Ok- so the suicide character.  I give up, I don't want to live anymore; Life is too hard; why me? God oh why!? Feeling apathetic, emptiness, low energy. A craving for excitement, feelings, something to fill the gap the emptiness that oneself has created through acceptance and allowance of fear.  I made fear into a big deal, a big thing. When its just fear. Its no more than another reaction. The fact that for thousands of years man has been controlled and manipulated by fear is quite startling when considering that it originates within SELF. We are the ones that feel fear. There is no one that is inserting fear within you. It is all in the mind.  I feared changing and becoming responsible for all/this existence. Behav...