“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Friday, April 19, 2013

day77- People look at me


Reading over my last post I identified a charge.
People looking at me. I think they are judging me. I think what they could be thinking of me. I get worried, scared. I think I am dumb. I think I am ugly. I think I am a wierdo. I think I am nothing. I think I cannot do anything.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am dumb"
with nervousness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am dumb" come up in response to when people are looking at me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am dumb" within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am ugly"
with fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am ugly"
with nervousness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am ugly" come up in response to when people are looking at me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am ugly" within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am a wierdo"
with fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am a wierdo"
with nervousness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am a weirdo" come up in response to when people are looking at me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am a weirdo" within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am a nothing"
with fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I am a nothing"
with nervousness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am nothing" come up in response to when people are looking at me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I am nothing" within and as me.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I cannot do anything"
with fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the words "I cannot do anything"
with nervousness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I cannot do anything" come up in response to when people are looking at me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat "I cannot do anything" within and as me.

When and as people are looking at me and I feel nervous - I stop and breathe- I realize I do not have to react within myself, that I am responsible for how I feel - I realize I will many times in my life be in a situation where people are looking at me, so its best to let go of this reaction, and take responsibility for having accepted and allowing it within me.

I commit myself to remain here, constant, and direct myself within situations where individuals are looking at me.
I commit myself to not ignore who I am.


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