Monday, March 23, 2020

Day 813 A Dastardly Secret

There is a very interesting mind system that seems best described as a personality within me. The reason why personality is because its basically like a person or has a personhood to it. It has a flavor and it has a presence to it. And its a personality within me because its like Dr Jekyll and Mr.Hyde, its something hidden, and when it is here it is like I am a different person.

The reason why I am making it seem so dramatic or so extreme is because it is. Because when I started to open this up really, I was suprised/shocked yet at the same time not, that I was laughing and smiling about things which I would never do. So what I am saying is that its not something I was conscious of, to extent of being fully aware enough to even say it exists, or even say it is how I am describing today/now/above, like with the words of it being a personality within me, it being like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I didn't see it like that at all. Until now.

What is interesting is now I have that awareness where I can describe it and it does make sense. A thousands different puzzle pieces, a thousands different memories/moments all pointing to the exact same conclusion. It finally makes sense.

Would other people believe you? I don't know, I guess it depends on the person. When I say that I have a part of me that enjoys seeing others hurt. Like a smile that moves across my face. How many times have I done that smile, with how many different moments and people. So many. The pleasure of being right, but more so, the pleasure that others are wrong, and keeping it a secret. Pretending to be good. Would anyone understand this? I know already that its just a design that feeds off of energy, much like the demons in the dimensions, they simply followed the program of consuming energy. Their acts weren't good or bad, morality doesn't exist in that sense. They simply followed the program. So when I laugh or smile at someone else losing a game, when I hide that pleasure and it creeps up into a smile, that's me hiding what I feel, yet feeling it. That's baking my cake and eating it too, the dastardly devil, something to admire.

I could describe a thousands different such moments, or so the stream of examples appear so easily to arise without much effort/time.

But more so than that, I know that with something this juicy, correcting the point is going to have a juicy outcome, because I can see the change in my face, eyes and smile, this is how I should be: Happy. And so my happiness is also trapped within this point. And not only that, my ability to be vicious, cruel, is also trapped, instead of playing boyish games it could be used to aid others and myself. How far will this bring me?

Its like having all the keys dropped on your lap, all the treasures laid in your home. What changes will this bring in my life? What changes will occur this next year? Time will tell, yet it many ways the outcome is already here.

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