Yogan's Journey to Life

Believing that I don't deserve the best. Believing that I don't deserve the best opportunity, the best life, the best qualities, the best way of living, the best living situation, the best circumstances, the best dreams/hopes/plans/desire, the best future, the best people/friends surrounding me, the best chances, the best. If I give myself the worst, I receive the worst. If I give myself the best, I receive the best. I create myself, my fate, my consequence, my destiny, with what I give myself. I, Yogan, forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not deserve the best.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not deserve the best  opportunity to succeed in everything I do. I, Yogan, forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the best life possible, because I felt guilty that others are not living the best life possible. What I give myself, I will make sure that others have al...

2 Incompatible definitions for love. Which one do you choose? I looked up the definition for love in my dictionary. In the Merriam-webster's Collegiate dictionary, there are several definitions for love. When I look at the definitions for love, I see two definitions that I know of very well. They are 1) Strong affection for another, and 2) unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. Many definitions in the dictionary or in used in daily life by average people reflect some version of these two definitions. However I notice how in the dictionary there are several versions that speak to option 1, and little to nothing for option 2, which is very similar to daily life. How many people use definition 2? Few or many? And how many use definition 1? Few or Many? So you see perhaps why I am writing this. I am writing this because for me, in my experience, these two definitions are incompatible, because the starting points are different, not the same, for the two defini...

This is about you. (no question mark) What is interesting is that everything is always about you. What you think, what you feel, what you see, your reactions, your movements, is you. Its about you. What you see on tv, the wars, the movies, the starvation, death, murders, stories, animal abuse, rapes, poverty, wealth, inequality,  its always about you. What you see is you. And if you close your eyes, the darkness you see is also you. When you run away, its you. When you hide its you. When you cry or complain its you. When you stand up and stop, its you. When you change its you. So no matter what, this existence is you, and every moment you are yourself.

Ok so when I was coming here to write this post, I was preparing to say how I fear losing someone because of who I am, what I do/did. Now, however, I mean I have faced this point before, so this time I am facing it, it is rather a point of excitement, because I get to see who a person is, in response to who I am and what I did. Will they react? Will they stand? What? And I am excited more because there is a chance, a chance beyond all odds, all chances, that this person will stand. And that chance that possibility, that something real could manifest as a person here in the flesh, is exciting. So its not really an excitement, but really an anticipation to what is to come. You could say I am hoping they stand, because I want everyone to stand, and when they stand I feel like celebrating. And its just something amazing to marvel at for a moment. And it then reminds me of who I am, and my stand, and to see the same standing in another making the same stand as me, is just amazing to see. I...

Who I am I lived a very specific life, like I am sure everyone has lived a very specific life. When I look at my life, my mind automatically compares my life experience to those of others. When I self-honestly check this however, I know, always that everyone is the same, and our life experience is in essence the same. Now, I cannot really know the life another has lived, that is for him/her to know. To share my life experience is a step I must take. I am an innocent being. I have wholeheartedly accepted all of the advice and knowledge that my primary caregiver has given me. She has always been there for me, both my word and action. I naturally trusted her and that trust was rewarded in certain specific ways. So as that trust was rewarded I trusted her more. So that with each new knowledge point I always was more willing to accept it. I did have fears, very specific fears. I did face them directly as a manifestation of myself. I always wanted to find people like me. I wanted to cre...

My Truth. About everyone I have seen in my life, has been lacking in some way or another. For example, there is often fear of something, or perhaps love for someone or something exclusive to the rest. And I know already how anyone, if they were to stop those fears, and love inclusively of all, they could die happy in that moment, and of course they would not want to because they want to live, to express and understand themselves and others and provide the support and presence to everyone, as everyone, as I have said, is lacking in some way or another. So life would take on the definition = to everyone. I think there may have been only one person who may have heard the words I spoke. Im not really sure of the rest.

So Im 23 years old. I did what the average, or maybe not so average, American young person would think to do, go to college. So I did that. I realized its not all that its cracked up to be. Suffice to say, making money with the intent, starting point of making money, which is within my starting point of what is best for all and so best for me, will accumulate money faster than not having this intent/goal/starting point. Money is not just going to fall into my lap. I need to work at generating it. Someone told me that everyone who has money is a salesman. They have to sell themselves or their product. So im going to go at this full out and see what emerges in this coming year 2014. So some ideas I have about money are floating around inside of me, so im going to take them out in SF here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that making money is hard. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that making money won't require a great deal ...

Sorry for taking so long to post guys. Something from TODAY, what? Yes.  Reacting Violently. Sometimes have I have violent reaction within my mind. I imagine/picture me throwing something. Sometimes its my computer. Just now it was the tv remote. In my mind I see the object break apart as it lands on the surface. And I move in one complete movement to throw the object. And I sort of become aware of my body points as if I would be prepared to do this physically/actually. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react violently within my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine and picture me throwing something, like the tv remote or my computer laptop. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to picture and imagine the object crashing on the floor/wall and breaking into pieces. I   feel angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry. I forgive myself for accepting an...

Don't take your thoughts personally i have been taking my thinking personally. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take my thoughts to mean "who I am" as who I am cannot change. Within the principle of what is best for me, I write. I commit myself to write within this principle of what is best for me in this blog. What is best for me, includes establishing a world that is best for all. It includes forgiving myself for accepting and allowing what is less than what is best for me. It includes becoming what is best for me. And what is best for me is to live in a way that is best for everyone including me by practically considering every part, including me, without compromising any part, including me. How I treat myself is how I would treat existence. So by taking care of me and supporting me, I am stating that how I would treat existence would be with the same care and support. So who I am here is a gift, an opportunity to take care of something th...

         I was holding onto the validation from certain people in my life. I was restricting and limiting myself based on what I perceived would be validated by these people. In my mind, I was playing out scenarios, and conversations where what they would say to me would be positive or negative (They were mostly negative). Because I wouldn’t let these people go as attachments, I could not stop this negative thinking. I kept thinking how I didn’t know anything as I did something which I haven’t spoken about with someone else. I couldn’t move me (this is a belief), I didn’t know what to do (this is a belief). And because I wouldn’t let go of my perceptions and beliefs about who they are, and what they think of me, I really couldn’t do anything. So the solution was to let them go within myself. So within that if they were removed from the face of the planet, I would have a reaction. So I stopped that reaction through breathing and bei...

 I fear someone coming up to me and tell me I am evil. I fear losing the people in my life. I fear losing friends. I fear being alone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the people in my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that through fearing I could hold onto the people in my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to through this to justify fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that by fearing it means I care. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that its ok to act on fear if it means that you can keep certain people in your life. Fear harms me. It is unacceptable because of this. For me, I stop fear.

So for me, I know that the number of blogs I write is unimportant. Well, from another perspective, even just writing out the shit out in my blogs, will help me to see the shit. However, what I am trying to say is that ultimately, what matters is what I write. I can write 1 million things, but if those things are not self-honest. Then it means nothing. However like I said, that even writing out 1 million things that are self-dishonest, will help for when I do ultimately stand up. Because for myself I can see when I am writing shit, and when I am writing honestly. That is why writing, with self-forgiveness, is always a benefit, even when it is self-dishonest. If you think I am supporting self-dishonesty, get a chill pill. Haha. When I write, I don't give a hoot about how I am affecting a person, because I know you are affecting yourself really. I do at times avoid leading to reactions, but I mean, if you have been reading my blog, it is to learn about yourself, so here you can learn ...

The fear and desire of receiving attention on my blog. I feel fear and desire when I write on my blog, because I know or have seen in the past that people read, see, or visit my blog. Within a moment of seeing the statistics of the number of views on my blog posts, I feel excited and energetic. I feel happy, thrilled and enthused to see this. Within the moment of writing on my blog, I feel tired, resistance, fear, stressed, that I just don’t want to do this THOUGHT. I feel like running away and avoiding writing on my blog at all costs . So I stop and I breathe   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel fear when I write a blog post that will go on my blog, A Behaviorist’s Journey to Life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel desire when I write a blog post that will go on my blog, A Behaviorist’s Journey to Life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to receiving attention from people....

Fear Fear is deception. Anything you fear, is a deception. Fear is a deception. Fear is not real. Fear is your creation. Fear is something I have created in separation of myself, that I have come to define myself to. Fear does not protect me. Fear does not help me. Fear is a limitation. Fear can be removed/stop. I can stop participating within and as fear. I can live without fear and do what is best for all. Fear has never helped me. That is a lie that fear has helped me and protected me. If I was a fully directive being who took full responsibility for all his ability, then obviously fear would have no purpose, since the purpose of fear is to possess. If I am directing myself, then I don't need/require possession. Possession is incompatible with self-direction. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear within my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear within me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fear. I forgive myself for accept...

Feeling good with the power of creation? So something I went through and maybe some of you can relate, how when in a moment we have succeeded in creating ourselves to be a certain way, like we have moved certain actions or certain points in our lives so we can live a certain commitment we have made, that at that point of having walked the commitment or having walked what our goals were, for any length of time, we feel EMPOWERED. So by this I meant, you feel perhaps HIGH or maybe just Glittery or Good and it envelops you to such a degree that is almost in a sense, DOMINATES you and you in a way become UNAWARE of everything.  So something I have walked that has been supportive for me to check whether I am being "real" or let's say "here"has been to be AWARE of everything. So I am going to describe this for you to give you a sense or idea of it, but as a warning, you really have to live it and apply it. It is not a knowledge thing, it is really an embodimen...

This is Self-forgiveness for yesterday's writing. For your convenience, the link is provided for yesterday's writing in case you want to follow the progression of the Self-forgiveness as it goes line by line, in order of the words, http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/12/walking-some-supportive-words-walking.html I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel stuck for a long time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be living the principle of what is best for all for a long time. I forgive myself ofr accepting and allowing myself to not simply write and express myself through and as the principle of what is best for all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not simply be direct and plain. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate experiments and resist experiments. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate risks and to resist risks. I forgive myself f...

So I have been noticing something, that some of us walking the JTL, may have been feeling stuck, for a long time. So when I have felt stuck in a rut before, well... one thing I know is that I am not living the principle(s) that are best for all. What do I mean by this? Well, in this writing, I am going to try to be very direct, and say things very plain. This is an experiment, because maybe how the mind works, it hates plain, it hates things being direct. So for those that really want a boost in there process or correction, this may work. I don't know, all I know is that I can write considering all points, all perspectives on this earth, and that is what I can do, and I can write in many many ways to express it, and here is one such way. HAHHAHAAH. Anyway, So I guess I already said what I wanted to say to help those to get out of a sticky rut. To write by the principles you know already. Consider all points, ask yourself what is best for all, and well, write what is best for all. ...

Feeling excited when I accomplish something. Needing, desiring, wanting to feel something. Why can't I just do what I need to do? Why do I have to feel excited when I accompish something? Why do I need, want, and desire to feel something, and thus to then go after to accomplish something, since I feel excited by doing so. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel excited when I accomplish something. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need, desire and want to feel something. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go after/ move myself, to accomplish something because I feel excited by doing so, and I have accepted and allowed the need, want and desire to feel something. I accomplished sending a package in the mail today. I felt the need, want and desire to do so. I did not understand why in the moment it happened. With the need, want and desire, in that moment before I accomplished it and I was thinking of accomplishing it, ...