Yogan's Journey to Life

There comes a point where you just have to believe in yourself. I face this point now. It opened up in a moment where I was being aware of my body while pointing out what was the mind and what was me. The question came up how I knew what was the mind and what was me. I considered whether it was self-honesty, and I said no. That it was more of a point that I just know it. Sort of like faith. And this scares me a bit from the perspective that abuse is so easy. That I can say or another can say that they are stopping the mind or whatever and it isn’t true. But at the same time, you already know what is truth of what is going on in the moment. So I just have to believe in me that I am capable of knowing and just do it, with no hesitations or regrets.               For a long time faith has been used to abuse, which occurs through its starting point of separation. At least that is what I have understood. Where faith has i...

So, we always know what to do in every moment. We know how we should be. We know who it is that we really want to be. We also know who we are now. We can see the bullshit if we want to see. We can do so much, only if we allow ourselves to do it. it starts with ourselves, and self-honesty. We already know the highest way to live. We may not have a name for it, but you know what it is. Since birth, since childhood. Why do you choose the lesser path? The lesser way to live and be? Because of energy, because you want more? Yourself is enough. Why not give the same to everyone else? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not do everything I can so that others can give themselves the gift of themselves. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want more than what another has, what is available to all, instead of sharing all with everyone for the good of all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a process or journey to...

So inside me there is this struggle. But the answer is clear, oneness and equality. And then I know… how simple it is, to live. The inevitable world war three.    So the reason why the war is inevitable is because we say it is inevitable. We choose to sit down and shut up. Have some more Justin Beber or One Direction. We give up before we really try. Worse yet we are completely responsible, for we are the only ones that can stop the wars both within us and without us. So good job so far. I mean this planet is really nice, with all the war, rape, massacres, genocide, poverty, imbalance of wealth, and greedy self-centered bastardness. Yeah it’s a really nice home you have here. reeeaaalll nice. If you were given the choice to stop it, would you? Here’s the choice, take it; all it requires is for you to take responsibility and do what it takes to make the difference. Influence those around you, stand up and state who you are. Write it e...

So one of the purposes of this blog will be to expose the negative and positive within me and how those is being patterned within everyone. How we as individuals live in a systematic predictable way, using the positive and negative as the excuses to live so. So I will make posts on my use of the positive and negative and describe the systemic behavior, emotional, thought patterns within me. This is an open journey so I do not know what twists and turns I will make, however this is where I will start. It will be cool to write 100 posts on 100 different patterns/systems. So this is my commitment to do this cool thing.

I have this weird sensation in my ear, so Im going to say self-forgiveness until it stops. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to hide secrets from me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be completely open with myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am evil. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time in thoughts about who I am, instead of how I will live and what I will do with my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to care about what other people think who I am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give such value to the words that we as society share amongst ourselves and within heads, that I get completely lost in what the words mean, instead of focusing on the real meaning and only meaning which is ourselves, the actual life of our bodies and the things surrounding us in the physical world. I forgive myself for accepting and allo...

Throughout the day I am riddle with thoughts about what other people think: about me, about this, that, whether they feel happy, sad, angry. As a result I feel so overwhelm with guilt and self-consciousness, and blah, that I start thinking stuff on the line of I have to kill myself. It gets  filled up like a steam cannon and I just feel like I have no way out, and so I implode in a sense. But when I stop thinking about what other people think I already feel a bit relieved and the backchat loses its power, and I can take an assuring breath. By stop I mean I literally just stop within myself. I just do it. I stop. And it works as long as I stop in each moment. And now I can see that all thoughts are me, are my thoughts. Before I couldn't. So I guess the lesson is when you think about what other people think you start believing that your thoughts are not your own responsibility, they are in a sense not yours, which is not true. So stop thinking about what other people think, if...

Real world challenges. Picking a career. So I have received my liberal arts degree in psychology. I wish to further my studies to strengthen my position and influence in the world. I have been primarily trained in researching and overall critical thinking and problem solving. One thing college does not teach you or show you, is how the mind functions. This I am learning with Desteni. I have my mind of course, and I can observe it. I can also stop participation in it in a moment. I can move myself in the physical. I can breathe. I can stop participation in energies, in a moment. I can also participate in  the mind, but this is something I do not want to do, because it will strengthen the mind and give the mind more power to decide who I am and what I do/participate within. I notice that every time I allow a thought, the mind gets stronger. I also remember that every time I say no, I get stronger, and I take more responsibility. I notice it is better to not participate in the mind ...

Judging sucks. Where have I judged? I judge those who speak trash about  Desteni related things as inferior, instead of realizing that they simply do not understand what it is they are doing, and the opportunity they are not gifting themselves to stand within self-responsibility and self-forgiveness. Is man inherently good? I would say maybe man inherently wants what is good, but get confused between good for only me, versus good for all and me. Man forgets that the good of all is always greater, and the experience of living in a world of oneness and equality would be so great, because your rejoicing and enjoying everyone, and there are billions of us! And you can be here with yourself and be at peace with yourself. The state of being alone and being with others merge, where all equally honors themselves and each other. Open honesty and clarity can exist. This is our desteni. Join us. I forgive myself for accepting adn allowing myself to fear the unknown. I forgive myself for ac...

I tried to teach another something before I completely understood it myself. I listened to the mind when I did not understand the mind. I still do not understand the mind completely. But I do understand now that the mind cannot be trusted, is not there to make my life easier, is not willing to change into what is best for all. I have to be what is best for all and bring the mind and the rest of reality into alignment with that. I was existing in a fantasy where I was somehow endowed with a special mind, a special position or privilege, where I am special and so exempt from certain hard work or tasks, that the hard work I did do would one day end. That I was working towards a moment where my life would change, magically or miraculously. I didn't live for here, I did not see the people that were here. I was in an alternate reality living in what I called and experienced as the future; believing all the while that I was creating the future with my thoughts or mind, that this is how I ...

Desteni group. - insane, immature, possessed, untrustworthy, child-like, children, crybabies, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think the desteni group is insane, immature, possessed, untrustworthy, child-like, childish, a crybaby. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use reality as an excuse to think a thought over and over, and not stop the thought, because the thought is an "accurate judgement of reality." I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a thought can be an accurate judgement, because accurate judgement would require that the judgement be made without bias, and thoughts have energy charges, which create a bias that is not based in reality but is a learned association of something in reality to the emotions and feelings within us. I commit myself to remove all charges that are a reactive consequence to associating energy to a thought, which itself is made in relation to reality, using words, pi...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the emotions and feelings that are generated within hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse this body through participating within and as energy while I am within and as hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as hate. When and as I see myself participating within and as hate, I stop and I breathe- I realize hate does not help us build anything- I realize hate is simply an outburst of ego trying to get on top of the pile of shit - I realize nothing worthwhile is created from hate - I commit myself to stop hate within and without. I am perceiving some people as hating, and I judge that they should not be hating. I felt conflict. I don't know what to think. They should not be hating. How can I help them see that. Within that I feel stressed. Within helping them I generate energy as positivity, but I ...

Today an interesting point came up, where I was asking why i was a certain way, and I said that it does not matter why I am like this, what matters is what I am, who I am, right now. Within that some things came up of who I am, and that I can change who I am. The part of why is relevant only so far it informs me of who I am. Though why is not so important. It is bottom line, who I am that matters. Within that I gained power to change some things instantly, that came up, to say no, simply by recognizing who I am in a moment here (nervous), and then moving myself to change. So this is where oneness and equality comes into play, by recognizing what is you, you gain power to change you. So in the same way, seeing this reality as you,  gives you the power to change reality as you. The change happens on a who you are level, which requires following through on a practical level. Who are you and what will you do about it? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to picture mys...

INFERIORITY. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to XXX. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to XXX. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider myself as dumb in comparison to XXX. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to YYY. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to YYY. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to ZZZ. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to ZZZ. I forgive myself or accepting and allowing myself to consider myself as dumb in comparison to ZZZ. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to AAAA I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to AAAA I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myse...

So one thing I have been participating in, is energy in my words, and specifically negativity. I play myself out in a negative way. How I feel right now is tons of energy. Now, one reason why I am not stopping is because I seem to be addicted to talking about myself to others. And I perceive writing right now as if I am talking about myself. So this is the primary point, writing and generating energy within writing about myself. And so I am not stopping the energy. SO I remember as a child, I would share myself with my mother. And when I would share a realization to her, I notice I would immediately forget what I had realized and sometimes I would actually do the opposite of what I realized not to do. The nature of the realization was to better myself. To acquire some perspective or knowledge that was making me more aware. Yet within sharing it I became less aware. I notice I would feel great within sharing. I see now a connection with the thought pa...

Working with others can be very difficult. For me, I often become a different person than when I am alone. One thing that is easy for me to forget is that I am always alone with myself. I prefer to be this person always, because I am standing by myself always. I have not been myself for the last 9 months. I took myself to the metaphorical sacrificial altar to sacrifice myself in the name of the money system, in order to sell myself out, to "know who I am" according to a position in the system of money or education. I highly do not recommend sacrificing yourself. You lose everything and more. You become blind, deaf, and senseless all at once. To others you appear happy. Indeed, it is the only way to cope with the betrayal.It became a free-for-all for the systems of the mind. As I write this I am forgiving all the charges I see that I have placed on my words. So, one thing that has happened is that my words have received positive and/or negative charges. I have a tendency to sa...

Hey, so just to share, I have been creating a war within myself. Instead of picking the point that all would agree with: what is best for all... I have instead been perceiving myself as an individual that can be attacked on this point that, within this imagination of being attacked, I am really deep down, hiding points that I fear being exposed, because I fear that I may have to let them go for what is best for all. So herein I make the commitment to expose me completely, to question every point within me, to not react at what is existent within me and judge what is within me as bad, before I even get to expose it for myself. Bad, the word bad, or evil, can be put to good use, to serve what is best for all. It also can be used to cause separation. So within this commonsense perspective, words are innocent, including the word evil, and from my view, I cannot see a word that is not innocent. So we do in fact abuse words, whenever we do not use them as how they would want to be treated, t...