day85 Self-responsibility vs. Responsibility

Desteni group.
- insane, immature, possessed, untrustworthy, child-like, children, crybabies,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think the desteni group is insane, immature, possessed, untrustworthy, child-like, childish, a crybaby.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use reality as an excuse to think a thought over and over, and not stop the thought, because the thought is an "accurate judgement of reality."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a thought can be an accurate judgement, because accurate judgement would require that the judgement be made without bias, and thoughts have energy charges, which create a bias that is not based in reality but is a learned association of something in reality to the emotions and feelings within us.

I commit myself to remove all charges that are a reactive consequence to associating energy to a thought, which itself is made in relation to reality, using words, pictures and other information (smells etc...) which become a memory, which is information stored within me.

So I learned how, what you see in others, actually reveals something about yourself. I have been acting as insane immature, possessed, untrustworthy, child-like, children, crybabies.

I have been acting insane in allowing suicidal thoughts, arguments with myself, allowing insulting thoughts, degrading thoughts. I have been reacting, and tensing my body and jerking my body. I have been acting insane in saying I don't know what to do, I can't do anything, I don't know anything, my life is meaningless
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing suicidal thoughts.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing arguments with myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing insulting thoughts.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing degrading thoughts.
I forigve myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/say, I don't know what to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/say, I can't do anything.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/say, I don't know anything.

I have been thinking that if I don't say, I don't know anything, then it must mean I think I know everything.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I must mean I think I know everything, if I stop thinking I don't know anything.
This troubled me because I know that this is not true that I know everything AND I did not want to be attacked by others for speaking about these things or let my words be used as an excuse to attack Desteni, or blame others or blame anyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the vicious onslaught of the minds of others as an excuse to not stand up and no more accept and allow what others think or say to affect me in who I am and what I stand for and as, but to stand proud in who I am and what I am living, and not in fear or worry in that others may abuse my words in blaming desteni or anyone or anything for anything, instead of everyone taking self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to care more about what others think than what I think about me and what is in front of all to see, the physical, which is the undeniably proof and starting point of everything that Desteni has shared thus far.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing harmful or negative thoughts, because I am afraid that they might be true, when in fact no negative thought is true, because reality is not negative, it is reality, the physical, which is something unbiased and free from polarity because it is constant and consistent within its set of rules and principles; the mind on the other hand is erratic and always acting in polarity and playing sides and games using energy, and destruction to fuel itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give the same value to everyone's words, because the value of their words is dependent upon what they have studied and what they know about a particular subject.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify ignorance, to justify blatant attacks and disinformation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being attacked for making a mistake or doing something incorrectly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make fear of being attacked or punished, my starting point for doing something correctly, instead of me taking pride in my work and in my expression that it reflects me, who I am, in every way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pay attention to what others say about me in judging me falsely, instead of getting to know me truly, and to pay any heed to what things in my mind that I carry that are a reflection of abusers that attack.

I forgive myself for accepting adn allowing myself to judge if someone is nice it must mean they know me, when in fact they could just be trying to manipulate how others perceive them to gain an advantage to abuse another.

I forgive myself for accepting adn allowing myself to judge that everything within me is kind, when it is obviously filled with harmful information that has been stored through my acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge what another says as truth, instead of investigating for myself, what is true.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use failure as an excuse to giving up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge that others know more than me.

I have been immature in seeing myself as a child that knows less than others, and I cannot possibly inform others who are older or more experienced than me about things. I am immature in seeking guidance and help and counsel for everything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as child that knows less than others, and doesn't know better than others, and can't possibly inform others on any matter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear appearing smart and knowledgeable and so take responsibility of informing others on matters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to have everyone dump responsibility on me, as has happened in the past, because I realize I can always say NO.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the decisions of others of who they will be, affect my decision of who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking the power to decide my fate and also the fate of others,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am not ready, because I do not know enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing any life-harmful statements from ANYONE.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing possession as if its normal and nothing to pay attention to, when it is a VERY BIG DEAL.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust the mind and the words of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge children as irresponsible and make children the symbol of what I do not want to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge being a baby that cries as something that is symbolically undesirable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have listened and seen the horrors that were being perpetrated within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in violence.