Removing the words good or bad, and finding practicality - day 164

Posting something I shouldn’t have. Writing something I shouldn’t have. Causing harm through writing something self-dishonestly and publishing it. Doing harm. Doing wrong. Wronging myself. Harming myself. Being evil.

I am Evil Character/Self-pity Character

“I am evil” and I feel self-pity, a “OH NO!” “I can’t be EVIL, I just can’t.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I posted something I shouldn’t have.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I wrote something I shouldn’t have.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I am causing harm through writing something self-dishonestly, and publishing it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I am doing harm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I am doing wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I am wronging myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I am harming myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think adamantly I am evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being evil and doing evil things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be good, and do good things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy when I say the word good, and think about being good, and doing good things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to think/say I am evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel pity for myself, especially for thinking/saying/calling myself as evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, “OH No, I can’t be evil, I just can’t.”

This is reminding me of religion. In religion there is good and bad, what you should or shouldn’t do. I grew up in a Semi-christian environment. I was also raised with Guru’s and spirituality from the East or New age. My mom is very judgmental and has her ideas of what is good/bad and right/wrong. To her these things are very clear and indisputable, and to question this would bring out her harsh side. For most of my life I was compliant to her ideas, and took them on as my own.

I feel afraid of saying something bad about my mom, and incurring her wrath.

I feel afraid of not being a good son.

I feel afraid/sad that I am not good enough as a son, as a person, as a human being, soul, being, and that I need to become better and make sure I am good enough.

The whole idea of enlightenment and religion is that I/people are not good enough since we are born, and we need to become something better, holy, divine, when I self-honestly know the exact opposite is true. We are already perfect as who we are. We just need to act, and take our place and position, which takes just a movement, and not a becoming of something, or attaining of anything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel afraid of saying something bad about my mom and incurring her wrath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel afraid of not being a good son.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel afraid and sad that I am not a good enough as a son, as a person, as a human being, as a soul, as a being, and so that I need to become better and make sure I am good enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I need to become something in order to become better.

I also grew up thinking that we were perfect, because we had a higher self, and that we were born according to out soul level and that we had a karmic history, or past lives. I thought I was an old soul.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am an old soul

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that karmic souls exist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that past lives exist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I or people can attain history and experiences that carry onto the next life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that where we are born is determined by our actions in this life that are judged as GOOD and BAD.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to good things and avoid doing bad things because I believed and thought I would be rewarded in my next life or future life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that we are rewarded for the good things we could, and that there is an authority separate from me that has already determined what is good for humans to do, as well as what is bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make it natural and accepted part of me to obviously do good things, without question, without investigation, without introspection, as to why I am accepting my behavior and actions as such, and what are the real implications and consequences of taking on these supposed good actions, and why I avoid the supposed bad actions, such as drinking alcohol, and partying too much, because it harms my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in fear of doing the evil things, that I have already accepted as such as evil, which is defined in part by whether it makes certain people that I judge as good or holy, angry or upset.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing things that harm my body.

Bad. To not help someone when I could have, because they need help, I would be a bad person.

Good. Helping other people, which takes my time and effort, and patience, because I am a good person, because it is what I would have wanted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things so that I am not a bad person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to do things because it would make me a good person.

Bad to hurt someone physically or emotionally, because it hurts them.

Good to help someone who is hurt physically or emotionally, because pain hurts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid hurting someone physically or emotionally because it hurts them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to help someone who is hurt physically or emotionally because pain hurts.

I am reminded why I didn’t have sex with a girlfriend. She was a virgin and I didn’t want to hurt her. And there were many times where I didn’t say things to people in my life, including her, because I didn’t want to risk hurting them emotionally.

Bad to do something that limits me or hurts me, because it is bad to hurt and limit myself

Good to do something that makes me grow, expand, and makes things easier for me, because it is always good to expand and grow like a tree and to make things easier for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things that make me grow, expand and so make it easier for me, because it is always good to grow, like a tree, and become stronger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid doing things that limit and hurt me, because it is bad to hurt or limit myself.

I forgive myself to do things because I see them, learned them to be, taught myself to think, that they are bad or good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge any thing, person, animal, plant, object, or abstract concept, including myself, as good or bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a good person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a bad person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge any action, or behavior as good or bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that people who do bad things have bad things happen to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that people who do good things have good things happen to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect good things will happen to me if I do good things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect bad things will happen to me if I do bad things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being an evil son, an evil brother, a evil cousin, an evil nephew, an evil grandson, or an evil friend, or evil boyfriend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be a good son, a good brother, a good cousin, a good nephew, a good grandson, a good friend, or a good boyfriend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see some people in this world as good people, and some people in this world as bad people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see gurus as good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see teachers as good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see parents as good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see families as good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see women as good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see wise people as good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see wizards as good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see ancient people as good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see native americans as good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the European settlers as bad for wiping out the Native Americans.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see Men as evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see fathers as bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see mothers as good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see young people as bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see older people as good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see Ekhart Tolle, Yogananda, and other self-proclaimed enlightened people as good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see guides, angels, and souls/spirits as good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see god as good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see man as evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see babies as pure, innocent, and not yet evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see children as innocent and become corrupted by the adults around them, or things on tv, or other already corrupted kids.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think or believe that there are a few uncorrupted people like me out there, and that I must find them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself alone, that everyone around me is evil, and corrupted and requires saving and showing the way, but I must first show myself the way by listening and following the few uncorrupted people.

I see that I am like a robot that has been programmed with information and been living on Auto Pilot this whole time. My sequencing told me exactly what to do, what to say, how to say it, who to meet, who to approach, where to go, when to do it, how to do it, why I do, at least the reason I tell myself, my goals in life, what I wanted to accomplish, what was important to me, the memories I accessed, who I said I am, what I didn’t share and speak, what I hid from others, my secrets, what I believed in, what I attacked and judged, what I disagreed with or agreed with, and more.  

When and as  I see myself acting on my good/bad programming as a statement of judgment regarding some thing or action, whether to avoid some action or thing, or approach/engage in some action or thing- I stop and I breathe – I realize that good and bad doesn’t exist in the physical, animals, plants, in the physical bodies, or universe, that instead it only exists in the mind, and so the very statement of existence is in question, because it begs us to ask, does good and bad even exist, since it only exist in the mind and not in the physical reality – I realize that because good and bad can’t be found in the physical reality, that I do not require the good/bad programming to exist either, because I have the physical body and it is not dependent on good/bad programming to exist, just like all the plants and other animals – I realize I can live and express myself without thinking statements of good/bad and also without speaking statement aloud or in writing of the good/bad paradigm – I realize speaking within good and bad actually does not place practical or useful information into word form, as it only expresses an opinion, and not WHY the opinion is held, which would actually be practical – I realize that the only thing that matters is practicality, is what physically has an effect, as that is something real that is happening, and it is best that I align what I speak to reflect practical living for myself and for others, and this planet as a whole.

I commit to no longer speak in good/bad statements, but rather explain what I mean, by saying the actual practical reason why I say what I state.

I commit myself to live and take actions only based on practicality and not on statements on what is good or bad within me.