Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Day 823 I am Alone

I am Alone
In the stillness darkness, and darkest depths, I am alone
In my body, in my being, in myself, I am alone
No being, no person, nothing in existence can ever really see me as me, as that I am that is here alone
It is a barrier, it is the complete me, it is my living reality in every moment
I know no matter what happens, I know no matter where I go, I know that when my body dies, that I still have this aloneness, this me that is me, this point that no one can really stand within and see from and as. 
It is both a blessing and a curse that I am alone
It is a blessing because it is a rugged landscape of darkness, infinite with potential, like the dark remote jungles.
It is a curse because I must conquer the fear of being alone otherwise I remain paralyzed with fear.
If I conquer this landscape, I will become infinite in my potential and stand.
It is a blessing because no one else can access me, no one else can conquer me, no one else can own me.
It is a curse because I must do it alone, I must be alone, I must conquer this space alone.
In times of today it is a curse because there are so few who get it and understand this. 
It is a curse in these days since you don't have the help, the community, the support of others walking the same process of self.
It is a blessing in the times of today because you would be among the first to conquer the self space and to lead others, you would have been there when everything changed in the course of events of Life.
I am scared to be Alone. 
But I am alone.
I am alone
I have always been alone.
And I will always be alone.
That won't change at death.
I want to escape and run away. 
I deny myself the escape.
I say to myself I am alone. 
I am alone.
Am I enough for me?
Will I get bored of me?
Can I enjoy myself?
Can I be without others?
Can I choose myself over others?
Can I choose myself over fears?
Can I exist without others?
Can I stand infinitely alone in the darkness and space that is me, forever?
Can I meet myself?
Can I face my fear?
Can I accept myself, my reality, the truth that I am alone?
Can I let go of the desire to have someone else here within me?
Can I let go of the search for someone else who understands me?
Can I let go of the search for someone else who is like me?
Can I stop? 

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