The Over-active Lifestyle 318

So I have been doing some inner research today, with focusing on a particular point. This relates to when you feel hyped up and energetic. Now what I am realizing may be the case, is that since university I have been in a constant state of being alert, what we call fight or flight mode. This is because of both the demands of my school, and perhaps other reasons, including my relationship to my mind. Suffice to say, I am pretty confident that this is the case, because one thing that occurred during this time period is that I lost my appetite, meaning that I didn't feel hungry very often, or less often, I should say. So this morning I tested the point, and lo and behold, I became hungry. So all I did was to calm down, and enter into a resting state. This involved stopping a particular train of thought that I have been obsessed with the last day or yesterday. But in general I know that I have not been feeling hungry, and in general I know that there may be many points, if not the majority of what I do, I approach with this adrenaline, intensity of flight or fight response. Now why is this a problem? This is a problem because if I am always in a flight/fight response then I am always tired because I am draining all of my reserves and I am never replenishing them, even when I sleep. In general, most of the time when I sleep I dream something that is active. So my dreams too are just another activity that I am constantly in a flight or fight response. I know I wasn't always like this, but also things had changed in my environment, and I also was not fully aware of what was going on here. Suffice to say it is complex. And I could open up the point one by one. But, instead I am going to take small points to make a simpler. Yesterday's blog was a result of me pushing myself within the state I have been in in general. So let's start with describing this state.

So I called this the I am addicted to challenge state, because when I am faced with a challenge its like I am addicted to it, and I will do anything to succeed. And this involves too pushing my body to the limits. So I have been like this for a long time, since I was young, and it did develop over time. The difference though is that when I was younger I would balance out my day with plenty of rest and taking things easy. So I wasn't the whole day pushing myself for a challenge, but instead complemented and supported my body with what it needed. This too enhanced my results and creativity. So the difference now is that I developed into a kind of blind addiction towards facing any challenge, partly because I am dealing with a whole new set of challenges, one that I was not equipped for, and I resisted. So I did, within reaction and resistance, pushed myself. The result was of course addiction, as I was already within an energetic reaction to the challenge.

Now what happens in my body when I enter into this state now, and what triggers this state? So my body, my hear rate  increases, my breathing becomes sharp, I feel like pushing, and going going going, never stopping. So I do push through pain and tiredness of my body. I don't feel hungry. So that is why I included this chart on top. What I go through is described by the Sympathetic Division of the Nervous System. So in general I have been this way throughout my days, everyday since college, so when I was 18 years old. And really it was before that time as well, and did develop over the years growing up. The sudden change though, of new relationships, new school/environment, unbelievably hard scholastic challenges that I had never faced, all meant that yes I was not only stressed, but also always on the move physically, because I had to be. Balance was no where to be found. So this is how I was even during vacation, and even after graduation. Suffice to say, I have been a mess. And only now, am I seeing this. And now I am putting together many many different small moments that connect all the dots together to reveal this to me.

So what triggers this? Mostly everything in my day. From when I go to the kitchen and I decide what I eat, I enter this state in regards to eating, which means I go for something sugary, which makes sense in that it gives immediate energy, and I do not feel hungry, and so the sugar stimulates my hunger. Another trigger is simply working with my dad at his work. With the demands of work/job/responsibility, there is simply a face paced movement that is demanded of you, and the voice of all the people and their states is of the same nature. So it is same to assume that both city culture and in America in general, people are like how I am, always in flight or fight mode. Another trigger includes things I enjoy, including music, movies, tv, they are all also stimulating the flight or fight response. Something that doesn't stimulate flight or fight is being in nature, sitting, moving slowly, which is what I did today to support me in seeing the difference. So in general, I have always been in a state of the Sympathetic, which is constantly on adrenaline, constantly moving quickly, stressed, etc... whether it is working, eating, enjoyment, whatever, it has been within every moment in me. Ideally, we would have a balance, where we are always at rest and stable, and only when we need to, or would like to, do we enter the active state for a moment to carry out that task. But then we return to the resting state again. So the consequence is the imbalance where you do not rest enough. And this doesn't mean sleeping, because I have done that. To enter the resting state it is a decision/movement you make in awareness. The same when you would enter the active state. What I have done, and what I am guessing that most are doing is the same, is that we are always active. Meaning that we don't sleep well, we drink lots of coffee and sugar, we watch lots of stimulating action movies, and play very tough challenging games, and we run very demanding jobs or businesses, and we exercise very vigorously, and we have sex/masturbate very vigorously, and we eat very quickly/vigorously, we bath/shower quickly/vigorously, and we drive quickly/vigorously, and so on. So at least for me, I am seeing a pattern here. Where there is literally no time for rest. It is not true that sleeping is enough. We need to take those breaks, and take those times where we move slowly. And for some, it may be frankly impossible. But even then, you have to find a way, for your health, and mental sanity, and it will improve your work, believe it or not. Now this is one thing that I can attest to with 100% confidence.

So here's my testament, that growing up, I did have a more or less balanced relationship between work and rest, and I was extremely good at school work because I had an extremely good memory. Now I was aware that, in some way, that it had to do with being calm and relax while in school, and while listening to the teacher, and while reading and taking tests. I would literally absorbed the moment within me and I could remember what I read and what I heard later on very clearly. And I could see that if it wasn't clear it was because I was distracted and not here fully. So the trick was for me to not get emotional, and be like a Zen state. When I took a test, I knew it completely depended on how well i placed the information inside of me before the test. So when taking the test I either knew it or I didn't, and so I just focused on remembering/retrieving the information that I stored inside of me. I knew that if I was stressed or thinking, or nervous that this would impede the flow of information inside of me. I also learned that this not only applied to studies but also to physical tasks, sports, exercises and movements. Where the same principle applied, where I could do more, and learn better, more precisely and be more accurate through taking things slow and calmly when learning them the first time. From there I could speed up while keeping the same high level of precision. The most important thing was to learn it well the first time.

So now, what I am doing is finding that balance again, which starts with just being able to be here, stable at my baseline, breathing at rest. That I am having difficulty with doing, and I have to first start with that.