Yogan's Journey to Life

Law, follow the law character, fear the law, fear breaking the law, fear making money, fear being independent, follow gods law, follow the rules, live karmically well, live what is good, avoid bad or you will be punished, do what is good only. Don't eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  Always living according to what is morally right, losing all self-direction. That is my life in a sentence. Now I am starting to live my principle, what is best for all, however my eyes are tainted by the law of good and evil, or shall I say glasses. Feeling good within following the law, feeling as all is in peace or alignment because I am following the law, the law of God, what is right or just or good. The seed or soil where righteousness is born, or brought forth. The law. Punishment, retribution, delivery of reward and rewarding justice. I was destined to be a Guru. There is not a doubt about that. A guru follows the law. There is karmic law and spiritual law, and the law ...

How did I direct myself from war to peace- I sincerely wanted peace, but I at the time saw war as acceptable to bring it about. So really, how I got out of war, was by pushing it, and literally allowing myself to do what I saw as acceptable, because I really did see it acceptable to do war to make peace. So in whatever dimensions and manifestations that called for that, shouting, screaming, making derisive comments, I did it. Only by going through all of that, from where I am standing right now, it seems like divine intervention, like a fluke, one moment where one person said something and I took it to heart. Perhaps it was the very structure of the words she spoke. I don’t know. But really it seems that the intervention came from outside of me. So really, in essence, I did all that I could. I was sincere. And that allowed me to see. Otherwise I would have not seen, because I was too scared of making a mistake, to make one and learn from it. I embrace consequence ...

Enjoying putting things off for later. Creating that anticipation within myself, because I have put something off for later. I can revel in the experience of anticipation, that energy, in thinking about the future, and what I have put off for later. It can be positive anticipation, or negative dread. In both cases it is still put off for later. I was/am in a situation where I had the choice of choosing one of two things that I could participate now, one involved doing research, the other involved a social matter. Only putting off the social matter created a noticeable energy within me. Putting off the research for later does present some energy within me, but it is significantly less. The research would be more procrastination, or a dreading experience. The social matter would be more of a anticipation, which is both fearful and exciting energy. The social situation obviously has lots of potential for conflict, so there could always be unexpected energy to...

Looking forward to the future, missing the present. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, by imagining about the future, and would it could be like, to miss the present, and thus the steps to actually create the future I so desire. Anxiety about the future, and enthusiasm about the future.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anxious about what the future holds in store. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel enthusiastic about what the future holds in store, and so miss the present, what is here, as the only place that exists and where the future is only created; it all starts with what is here.  When and as I see my mind running wild about the future, I stop and I breathe, and I bring myself back here - I realize that the future is not real per se, but it is a useful word to refer to the consequences or acts of creation that only manifest through continued and sustained participation wit...

I have Halitosis, and no its not terminal, but its stinky. Halitosis is the medical term for bad breath. So family members have been pointing out for some time how my breath stinks. There have been periods where they said it didn't smell, and periods, such as recently, where it has smelled. So there is obviously something I am not doing, and also perhaps things that I did before that worked, but I was not disciplined, nor really having a set of designated habits that were done for the very purpose of ensuring that my bad smells fine. So now I am walking a process of identifying what habits to practice in detail. I googled on what would case bad breath an halitosis. There are a number of factors, excluding diseases and tooth cavities, they include food particles that remain in the mouth that allow for bacteria to grow, which can be on the tongue and also in between the teeth. Their solutions where to brush throughly and floss well to remove all food particles, and to keep the mout...

Passion for self. Passion to walk this process for oneself. If everyone you knew, disappeared out of your life, would you still seek to correct the problems you created? If yes, then that means you are doing this process for yourself. If no, then you are not doing it 100% for you. I suggest to align yourself so that no matter what the situation may be, you will walk this process of self-correction for you 100%. I spent a great deal of time, creating imaginary situations that I picture in my mind, to test me, so that no matter what foreseeable future were to occur I would stand no matter what to make sure this gets done. What I notice, while doing this, the point of this was facing the fears and the "weaknesses" that one has allowed. You know how in movies or video games, the bad guys or good guys have a weakness? Well, its like that. Its about identifying your weakness, so you can prepare if such a circumstance would occur, because this process is really about standing ...

When I first saw her in Hume Class, she reminded me of me. Quiet, observing, making specific comments, within a slight fear or trepidation of what others would say. I resist her, why? Does she remind me of me, and I don’t like who/how I am? Do I have judgments towards people who are quiet, not outspoken? Yes, definitely. I always viewed quiet people as somewhat inferior or incapable, even though I was quiet. Because I wished to be more outspoken, I was attracted to people outspoken. Every time   saw a quiet person I have a negative reaction. Fear. Fear of being friends and associating with a quiet person. Fear of being seen with a quiet person. Fear of people telling me and pointing out how we are both quiet. Fear of being labeled and judged. Fear of being labeled and judged as being quiet. “I don’t wish to be quiet anymore.” Throughout my whole life people have called me quiet, and started to get to know me by asking me, as the first thing they sai...

Peace above all. No more relishing in anger or revenge. No more violence. An active peace, a constant peace. A constant step by step movement towards peace for everyone.  Living practically in such a way to mathematically guarantee peace on earth. Living peace as myself as no resistance and complete acceptance of what is here. In a way, I am already living the end point that I wish to manifest through my practical living. I live peace in what I do, what I speak. I let go when there's no point to hanging on. There's no point to hang onto anger, revenge, jealousy, sadness, pity, frustration... What would be the point of that? It wouldn't be for peace. I found that I was addicted to anger, to revenge and all the other negative emotions. When I had the proper excuse I would become anger, and express it, receiving a sort of high. I would instigate conflict with those around me. I would probe and push people's buttons. I enjoyed it. I even enjoyed self-pity, and playing the...

My father. Money. My father buys things for me. If I ruin our relationship, he will stop, or he will leave. Seeing my father as as super hero, indestructible. I see it that I should see my father, and mother, as one and equal to me, the child. Also that all children and parents and other family members, regardless of age or experience are one and equal. So my father is just as destructible and vulnerable as I am. I also am capable of earning money and buying things for me. I realize I need to speak one and equal to my father, meaning that I see him as equal to me, not above or below, but one. So there are no pressures or fear, its just like being with myself, exactly like that. I have already looked at this point in the past, how we make some individuals as better or more for being a certain age, or holding a certain position. For example, how the teacher is never wrong, or how parents know everything. When really that is far from the truth. So we need to become vulnerable and ho...

Since I am now speaking from the starting point of what the moment requires, and since I am not really talking to any person, I am in essence just talking to myself... I figure that I could just speak as myself, which I already see as not easy, as I have this defense coming up, of fearing what I could say and the consequences of that. I can start with one point, one thread. Sex. No not the intercourse, definition, but the Male/Female distinction. I see very little real distinction between Male and Female. I recall a time when I was a child where that difference didn't mean anything more than, what color shirt you were wearing, or how long your hair was, or your eye color, or skin color. It was just an arbitrary thing, one of those unique features that distinguish us. A little difference in height, your favorite food, etc... It didn't matter, it wasn't important. I still feel that way, and I prefer to feel that way. I am not ignorant to the fact that there are some noticea...

I was walking my dog and I was present. I was aware of my skin, the temperature felt cool. The sounds, the cars, the distant noises. How my knees creek slightly while walking. Thoughts moving in the background. Ignoring them. Focusing on this moment, on living this thread, of simply walking being here. There's not much to write about. Except on this resistance of posting something of this nature. This is a judgement. There isn't a mind point to write about. This is simply a sharing about tonight walk with Shana.

So it has been about a week, around ten days,  since I have opened up a point, and wrote self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements. Something I find interesting is how in this moment, the very moment that I type these words, I experience a resistance to sharing and speaking about me specifically and the changes and the ways I have changed. There are two choices here, I can push through this and write about the changes I have lived first, or I can write it later, and I can write about this resistance first. I am considering that this resistance is a veil, so its not something I can take down in one go. i can however, write down one thread of this veil, which would be writing out this blog and thus acting out this action of sharing. So, there were many moments, during the past days where I was given the opportunity to create conflict with something or someone. Something I find assistive to me is to provide a broad overview of these instances, because then I can look at the ...

So a point regarding calling and meeting new people or strangers. There is one particular memory or moment in the past this is still active within meeting new people and creating new relationships with them. The first girl I kissed, we had a relationship that lasted a week. I was just entering college, and I was really excited and looking forward to making great friendships. She broke off our relationship, and afterwards, I had went to her room to speak to her, and told how I still saw her as a cool person and would want to continue our relationship in whatever capacity that she saw fit. Within that moment my body went into this position. My head tilted to the right, my arms felt heavy, like I couldn’t move them and my shoulders drop, and I was leaning on my right leg. I remember looking her in the eyes, and experiencing this shift of my body as more comfortable than if I had tried standing normally. So I expressed myself in that moment and took a stand in the capac...

Two or more in my name, the last two characters I wrote, the Justice Character and the Mourning Character, along with the Prideful character that I wrote in my personal writings (not published), are interconnected in some way (I "know" what this is but Im holding it back to give background first) "the mind suppresses my being" When I am with a particular someone, a sibling, I react and trigger a certain way. I recognize I react in a similar way to a Buddy I was working with. I listened to the Sibling Rivalry interview, which assisted me in understand some dimensions. I recognize that I am suppressing my being or that my being is suppressed by the mind. I am reacting in a particular way, a suppression. I describe this suppression in the following way, everything is quiet, but like a forced quiet, maybe like a chocking. I need to focus on myself to experience what is actually here. Its like a withdrawal into a shell. I am a Cancer, in astrology. Someone ex...

Knight in Shining Armor to serve Justice When someone tells a lie, my Justice Character activates. Even though it feels like I am charged up, and shout/speak with a loud voice, I feel peaceful. Something that happens sometimes is that I would suppress this character, especially if I didn't know the person and I was speaking with them in person, not online. So I have become this character online and with people close to me. I was scared that other people may harm me, because I was shouting at them, but I would still get revved up when seeing the "injustice." I notice my blood pumps stronger in my veins. And I stand straight with my head tilted slightly so as to create this look with my eyes and forehead. My hands also sway and move more, as I speak. I sometimes jump too. And my voice is consistently and constantly loud. Sometimes the other person asks me to lower my voice, I agree to it, but I keep shouting, without realizing I am. I think to myself they are lying. ...

Crying, mourning loss Feeling sad that some people are gone/out of my life. I didn’t force them out, they chose to leave. I realize I don’t have any control to keep anyone. It’s a deep resonance, almost or on the edge of possession. I imagined having   a conversation with one of them telling her that “I miss her if that means anything to you.” So I'm calling this the missing persons character, which I can see being activated if someone close to me were to die, I would have imagined conversation with them. I experience this emotion as regret. I wished I could have told them something or did something that would have kept them here.   I notice I feel like crying and I rest my head on my hand. I notice too how I was almost possessed to call the friends who I haven’t talked to in a long time, to see if I can bring them into my life again, so as to not lose them. When I reactive the energy experience, it is sorrow. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ...

disclaimer: This is a draft, that will get updated.  Resentment, Envy, Disempowerment, Desires, and childhood memories There is a fire within me... Robot Virgins -- Fire (Official Music Video HD) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcF2UgkKq18&index=3&list=UUzdqLahT5x_IlMky_v2TiUg So I have been writing out a mind pattern within me, that is fairly extensive in the amount of levels it contains. This might be the most levels I have worked on in a single point. I am still going to keep deconstructing and opening up the point, and will post it in small subsections, and at the end, do a summary or outline of the point. So the first dimension I will post on is Resentment and Envy. Resentment is the negative pole, and Envy is the positive pole. To even say I have resentment or envy is something novel, so I am uncovering som...

I am writing on another point for the purpose of bringing my attention to it, and incorporating it within myself. So someone spoke this point, and I was familiar with it, however it was like something novel because I had forgotten about this point. Everyone can be successful and achieve success. Everyone can be intelligent. Everyone can be a winner. Everyone can be a millionaire. Everyone can have it all. Everyone can achieve happiness, the real one, because we all already have the deluded one. So those words say it all, there is no real competition and the people around us are not really the competition. The only competition, if there was one, is ourselves, and it is an artificial an illusionary competition, since it is often created as a resistance within us. At the same time, competition can be lived as a word of self-support, within the knowledge and acceptance that everyone else can too achieve the same results you have, and that you can also achieve the same results others ha...

 Hi, I am writing another blog for the purpose of solidifying a point within me, similar to this blog http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/are-you-walking-process-to-make-friends.html So the word is stand. STAND S-T-A-N-D I stand in the position of myself, body, the physical position and location that I occupy in space and time. No one can occupy the space that I occupy in this moment. That is the true meaning of being unique or an individual. Someone can take an exact copy of me, even of my awareness, but only one of us can occupy one space at one time. To visualize this for yourselves you can look at an oxygen atom. It is identical to all other oxygen atoms in property, size, shape, however it is unique because only it can occupy where it exists in any moment. In relation to the word stand, I of course stand within physical space, however I also require to stand within myself, as my mind, you can say regarding where I stand on certain, issues, decisions ...