Yogan's Journey to Life

So for me, I know that the number of blogs I write is unimportant. Well, from another perspective, even just writing out the shit out in my blogs, will help me to see the shit. However, what I am trying to say is that ultimately, what matters is what I write. I can write 1 million things, but if those things are not self-honest. Then it means nothing. However like I said, that even writing out 1 million things that are self-dishonest, will help for when I do ultimately stand up. Because for myself I can see when I am writing shit, and when I am writing honestly. That is why writing, with self-forgiveness, is always a benefit, even when it is self-dishonest. If you think I am supporting self-dishonesty, get a chill pill. Haha. When I write, I don't give a hoot about how I am affecting a person, because I know you are affecting yourself really. I do at times avoid leading to reactions, but I mean, if you have been reading my blog, it is to learn about yourself, so here you can learn ...

The fear and desire of receiving attention on my blog. I feel fear and desire when I write on my blog, because I know or have seen in the past that people read, see, or visit my blog. Within a moment of seeing the statistics of the number of views on my blog posts, I feel excited and energetic. I feel happy, thrilled and enthused to see this. Within the moment of writing on my blog, I feel tired, resistance, fear, stressed, that I just don’t want to do this THOUGHT. I feel like running away and avoiding writing on my blog at all costs . So I stop and I breathe   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel fear when I write a blog post that will go on my blog, A Behaviorist’s Journey to Life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel desire when I write a blog post that will go on my blog, A Behaviorist’s Journey to Life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to receiving attention from people....

Fear Fear is deception. Anything you fear, is a deception. Fear is a deception. Fear is not real. Fear is your creation. Fear is something I have created in separation of myself, that I have come to define myself to. Fear does not protect me. Fear does not help me. Fear is a limitation. Fear can be removed/stop. I can stop participating within and as fear. I can live without fear and do what is best for all. Fear has never helped me. That is a lie that fear has helped me and protected me. If I was a fully directive being who took full responsibility for all his ability, then obviously fear would have no purpose, since the purpose of fear is to possess. If I am directing myself, then I don't need/require possession. Possession is incompatible with self-direction. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear within my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear within me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fear. I forgive myself for accept...

Feeling good with the power of creation? So something I went through and maybe some of you can relate, how when in a moment we have succeeded in creating ourselves to be a certain way, like we have moved certain actions or certain points in our lives so we can live a certain commitment we have made, that at that point of having walked the commitment or having walked what our goals were, for any length of time, we feel EMPOWERED. So by this I meant, you feel perhaps HIGH or maybe just Glittery or Good and it envelops you to such a degree that is almost in a sense, DOMINATES you and you in a way become UNAWARE of everything.  So something I have walked that has been supportive for me to check whether I am being "real" or let's say "here"has been to be AWARE of everything. So I am going to describe this for you to give you a sense or idea of it, but as a warning, you really have to live it and apply it. It is not a knowledge thing, it is really an embodimen...

This is Self-forgiveness for yesterday's writing. For your convenience, the link is provided for yesterday's writing in case you want to follow the progression of the Self-forgiveness as it goes line by line, in order of the words, http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/12/walking-some-supportive-words-walking.html I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel stuck for a long time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be living the principle of what is best for all for a long time. I forgive myself ofr accepting and allowing myself to not simply write and express myself through and as the principle of what is best for all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not simply be direct and plain. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate experiments and resist experiments. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate risks and to resist risks. I forgive myself f...

So I have been noticing something, that some of us walking the JTL, may have been feeling stuck, for a long time. So when I have felt stuck in a rut before, well... one thing I know is that I am not living the principle(s) that are best for all. What do I mean by this? Well, in this writing, I am going to try to be very direct, and say things very plain. This is an experiment, because maybe how the mind works, it hates plain, it hates things being direct. So for those that really want a boost in there process or correction, this may work. I don't know, all I know is that I can write considering all points, all perspectives on this earth, and that is what I can do, and I can write in many many ways to express it, and here is one such way. HAHHAHAAH. Anyway, So I guess I already said what I wanted to say to help those to get out of a sticky rut. To write by the principles you know already. Consider all points, ask yourself what is best for all, and well, write what is best for all. ...

Feeling excited when I accomplish something. Needing, desiring, wanting to feel something. Why can't I just do what I need to do? Why do I have to feel excited when I accompish something? Why do I need, want, and desire to feel something, and thus to then go after to accomplish something, since I feel excited by doing so. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel excited when I accomplish something. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need, desire and want to feel something. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go after/ move myself, to accomplish something because I feel excited by doing so, and I have accepted and allowed the need, want and desire to feel something. I accomplished sending a package in the mail today. I felt the need, want and desire to do so. I did not understand why in the moment it happened. With the need, want and desire, in that moment before I accomplished it and I was thinking of accomplishing it, ...

Today, I woke up. I went to Ikea with my mom. We ate breakfast there. She bought some things. We came back home. I saw my dad a bit. I watched a hunger games movie with my sister. So when I was in the Ikea store, I saw this blond haired girl. She was with her family shopping. I felt a reaction. I felt nervous. I looked away, I avoided eye contact with her. And as she turned in another direction, I felt more comfortable: at peace, to now look. I saw she had black-rimmed glasses. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel nervous when seeing the blond haired girl. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid eye contact with this girl. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel nervous when I was in a position where I could look in her eyes and she could look back.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel comfortable when I was in a position to look at this girl without her being able t...

                 BackChat: Yogan, you don’t Know anything.                         -Crying                         -Throat region choked. -Memory, the moment when an ex girlfriend was upset with me, and she cried, while sat next to her, looking down, feeling that life wasn’t worth living, with her out of my life. “Yogan, you don’t know anything, you say that you are unconditional love, but really you mean you WANT to be it. I felt Depressed -I lied to her. I presented a false self. I presented myself falsely in my words, in who I said I was. I did speak to her saying the way I wanted to be. Which was an idea, which was energy.   I forgive myself for accepting...

I have an ego. I judge and compare myself automatically with others. I even judge on how I do self-forgiveness. I judge having more longer or complex self-forgiveness as better. I feel validated when I write longer and more complex self-forgiveness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an ego. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself automatically with others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge how I do self-forgiveness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge that self-forgiveness that is longer more or more complex is better than a shorter or more simpler self-forgiveness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write longer and more complex self-forgiveness, in order to feel validated. When and as I see myself feeling validated when writing a long and complex in structure self-forgiveness- I realize that doing something that is more challenging, that takes more time and...

Note: I wrote this on Wednesday December 11, 2013, Im posting it today, and writing another post for today. It seems unacceptable to me to allow certain thoughts about how I look or who I am, which I make from Another person's perspective. So this is the topic of feeling self-conscious and thinking about what others could be thinking about you. Memory It was orientation week in my college. On one of those days, I was meeting our Odyssey group with whom I would do volunteer work. So were told to form a circle and to step inside the circle if the counselor in the middle asked us a question that would apply to us. So he asked various questions. So on one question, one of the last, he asked us whether we felt nervous being in a new college. Everyone stepped in the circle except me. In that moment that he asked that question, I looked inside myself and I felt excited, not nervous. However in that moment, where I did feel nervous in not stepping in, yet at the same time happy becaus...

So I am a momma's boy. By that, I fear things, just as how my momma taught me. By its not just my mother, it is all of society, and how all mothers are currently accepting and allowing themselves to be. So its in the teachers, and educators, both paid and unpaid- hell, its in all of the adults. We educate fear and we all for some reason have the same rough approximation of what is SUCCESS. And for me I lived that to the T, while growing up. I lived what it was that I believed to be right, to be successful, that will give me a good life, that was what I should be doing. But who was it that decided all of this, like what I should be doing? was it me? really? or was it something I learned, and accepted so totally and unconditionally as myself? And I remember feeling a burning sensation within me, that I was right, that I was living the righteous path. And I would judge harshly those who were not living the right way. But, hell, I didn't even have a clue, how I worked, how my mind ...

So to further strengthen who I am and my position, I will be writing out the programs that my mother and father have given me as a child. Each program I can already guarantee, do not assist and expression of Life as who I am here, as all as one and equal. The closest my parents ever got was to oneness, and this oneness was not equal in all parts, it was still a hierarchy of specialness. So I will start with writing out all the programs first, I mean shit, within me, and in subsequent blog posts I will walk each program from start to end, with self-forgiveness, until its done. Ok, so one program is the "your just a child, you don't know anything program." Your just a child, you don't know anything So adults often think that they know more than children. Now this is mind-boggling to me because adults were children once. And I as a child remembered knowing more than the adults often in very basic living things. So its actually in reverse at the moment, children kn...

So something interesting opened up with my chat with my buddy from DIP today. Im just going to apply it now and then talk about it after. So in the moment, sitting down in front of my computer, making a deep sigh, turning my eyes to the side, and thinking I don't know what to do and feeling stressed. A memory of sitting the night before a paper is due for a college class. I need to work on it and I haven't been working on it. I feel stressed. I start thinking to myself that I can't do it that it is too late. I forgive myself for accepting adn allowing myself to feel stressed when I have a ton of work to do. I perceive the same thing towards the moment of sitting down, here to write this blog. That it is too late for some things, like some consequences. I am thinking of the death of a dog that I might have prevented if I were different. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to punish myself through use of this memory whenever I take responsibility adn...

Ok so in my last post I made it clear what I was doing, so stopping any movement within me, which is not me directing it. So I have been applying this for the past 24-ish hours. So while I was applying it I had great success. And I have been able to sit with the reactions I have been having and simply be here with them, which already has become a point of release or stability, Im not sure how to describe it. Though I have to walk this each time with each set of thoughts I have. So with a new set of thoughts, by new I mean thoughts I have not yet sat with and walk with yet, it is that exact point of not having walked it yet, so it is that point of separation that makes it seems so big, but when I stop and walk with those thoughts, then everything is cool. So like right now for example when going to bed to go to sleep, there was a set I thoughts I had, which I did not stand one and equal to, and walk with, so it became overwhelming and I allowed it to direct me. I at some point took prac...

Asking for help So asking for help is cool, however like with anything, we can take something which can be self-supportive, and actually use it in a way that it is not self-supportive. So for example, when asking for helping as a way to do better in something or expand oneself (so whatever that means in the context), in contrast to when asking for help and one does not actually expand or can be expressed as not doing one's best, but is retracting self and relying on others to do the supposed work that self would have done. So, each one knows already when one does this, so it is our responsibility to act. And if your really not sure whether you do this, then one thing that can be practiced is sitting with self and being honest with self about what happened, and who self was in a moment prior. That's what cool about self-honesty, you always have access to yourself, just be honest. After reading what I wrote, I realized something cool: you decide, to be self-supportive, and thus ...

So there comes a moment in your life where your presented with something you could not have even imagined. And with that I found myself wanting to rush, which is like in a way living in the mind. It is not here. There is a way to move where you move fast, however it is done with at the same time being slow, and importantly aware. I suppose words fail to capture what I mean. I could write this a hundred different ways, yet I am still sure that each one can understand or relate to what I am saying despite of all the reasons and justifications that one often has being spoken in the mind. So one thing that we ALL have in common as beings, is this... being a creator. We are all equally hold this description, and strangely enough we are on this one planet, which makes this our own creation, everything. Everything you see, you have created. We create this reality together. At the same time, I have to recognize that some are aware, or maybe I shouldn't say that, because aren't we all...