“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Friday, May 1, 2015

Existential Fear - Complete and utter Failure 267

So an existential fear activated within me, as part of a larger playout in my day. This fear is about failure. However it is the ultimate failure. So its the fear of me, completely absolutely failing. To what degree? The absolute degree. So meaning, that I have no effect at all on this reality. No success, none. That I die, basically, without accomplishing anything, and making things better as part of what is best for all. So it could involve me imagining that I die, tomorrow, or in a few years, and the decisions I am making now, were the wrong decisions. Do you have a reference for this fear?

So in looking at this, one self-honesty point was immediately apparent. And that is I have already have had an effect on this reality and within alignment ot what is best for all. So that was a misconception of the fear, or shall I say a distortion of reality or the truth. Now here comes the other part, which may not seem so pleasant. With the future, and with making decisions, yes it is possible that in the absolute degree, some decision or project comes to nothing. That can happen, and yes I can die and that was it for this one life. But in being honest here, within me taking on that project and walking it, and failing, that can be of assistance and support to others. It can be a lesson in to not do what I did, and try another project for example. It can also be that to approach the same project but in a different way. So even then, in the actual manifestation, of absolute failure, it is not for nothing, and the act of taking on the project, and most importantly sharing with others how I took on the project and what I did, so that my failures and experiences can support others, is a victory in itself, granted that I take the project in this manner. However, if I were to take on the project alone, and fail alone without sharing, that would be worse. I mean even then, the chance of actually of succeeding is possible.

So when is this fear activated within us? I see in dealing with making life decisions, that place you life in certain projects/careers, and so generally in matters that involve the Future. How many of us Hate such moments, of having to make a decision, and all of the stress involved? It's quite stressful isn't it? Soooooooo, what if it didn't have to be. I can tell you right now, in simply sharing what I worked with thus far with this point, and the design of it in my experience online in this blog with you, it's already much less stressful. So I am actually following my own realizations here, in real time, haha, which is quite a useful piece of advice I would say.

Another important aspect that I realized, and which is a quite obvious one, but something still valuable to pay attention to, is that in life we don't have do overs. In video games, in stories, in movies, essentially the realm of fantasy, there are do overs. In life, you only have on life, and this one moment and chance. That is just how things are. In this one life, it is possible to take something to the absolute degree, fail at it, and so continue on with your life in doing something else. That is possible. You also might die in any day or moment, that is also the reality of the situation. So, yes, this is the rules of the game. So absolute failure, doesn't warrant fear. Absolute failure meant that you tried absolute with this one absolute life you had, and that is it. End of the story. And may that be of use in the success of others, and so the overall success in victory of manifesting a world that is best for all. Now I know I don't fear a world that is best for all, and so if my potential absolute failure serves that future, well that isn't so bad after all? And guess what? that would permanent. So just like how I was saying that there are no doovers, the effects we have on existence are permanent ones, and others cannot remove them. So that's the "positive side," lol. It's just the rules of the game.

So is there such a thing as complete and utter failure that is outside of my control? No. I could, create an utter failure, yes by from this point on, doing nothing at all, and having no effect. Yes but that would be by my own doing. You see, the design of the existential fear involves something or someone else controlling me, and creating the outcome, so let's say a meteor falling from the sky and killing me. But as I have shown, in me living and applying myself and actually trying to create a world that is best for all, with that purpose/goal in mind, then that effect I will have is guaranteed. So that is in my control. Whether on the surface layer, I am the one that will be spearheading the direct changes in reality, that may not be so. But at the very least, in would be having my effect on the background and so supporting those other people to spearhead with the direct changes. Thus I would have an indirect effect, meaning supporting the direct effect.

So as long as I document what I am doing, share what I am doing, in my blog, I will be leaving a record of what I did. Now, for me to completely let this go, I will need to do a sounding of self-forgiveness at the very least. More may be required afterwards.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow fear to distort my perception of my effects on reality, by confusing the direct/surface and indirect/hidden effects, as one being more important/valid than the other, when in fact they are equally necessary as part of the entire process of change we are walking as humanity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the one that fails on the surface layer, and fail to realize that it is victory to take on a project to the absolute degree where it fails so that it will serve others in finding better or other ways to achieve, and so realizing and understanding that the overall effect and process of change within the principle of what is best for all is happening on a much larger scale than my individual personal, on the surface layer, successes, and that my failures and trying/effort actually does serve this overall existential process of change as humanity and thus this existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blurred and blinded by this fear that I do not see the past I have lived and how I have already contributed to this process, and thus polarize the future and past, wherein I fear the future that I could have created but failed to create, and value that as more than what I have already created, instead of each being equal, one, and unique in what they represent, as equal parts of the accumulated effects that move this entire existential process of change forward.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value in, and thus justify the existential fear of absolute and utter failure, in the opinions of other people in what I imagine in my mind people are going to say and think, on my deathbed or at my tombstone in how I didn't achieve or accomplish anything in this life, and that my life was a waste of talent, ability, and potential, instead of sticking to the reality of this existential process, which is much larger and deeper than what is on the surface, which is where we tend to only form our opinions and judgments, using just the surface perception and information.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access the, what could have happen fear, in fearing making the wrong life decisions, and so missing out on a different life that I could have lived, instead of simply staying here in the actually reality of the situation, that is the rules of the game, which is I have one life to live, and that I can't do things over, and the effects I have will be permanent, and so whatever choice I make, within the starting point of what is best for all, will by default, have an effect on reality that is best for all.

When and as I see myself accessing the existential fear, of completely absolutely failing a project, despite having placed my absolute best efforts- I stop and I breathe - I realize that this failure is only within one dimension, and that is within the surface layer. However, on the deeper layers, my effort was a victory as it contributes to other people's processes in the overall existential process which is happening on a much larger scale, which I contribute to based on what my starting point is, and so as long as I stick to doing what is best for all and working with the rules of the game and how this reality exists as, then I will guaranteed success in contributing to the eventual manifestation of a world that is in fact best for all.

Thus I commit myself to share, and be interconnected to as much as possible to the processes of people everywhere, through blogging, talking, and sharing my experiences, what I learning, and essentially everything, and so including not only online, but in the flesh people as well, so that they may take something from me that will assist and support them to be the actual manifested point that brings about the change to the surface layers of reality.

- I am thus, in this for the long haul, lol. 

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