Day 894 Self-Motivation

 Self-motivation. I want it. 

I don't want to be motivated by praise or outward feedback. I want to be motivated by myself. I feel that lack of motivation. I have wanted to be motivated by relationships, by friends, by a partner. I wanted to do things for other people, and in so doing, feel good about myself. But that is not self-motivation. And that can be taken away. 

I want to be motivated by myself, and not be affect by the outward forces. I want to have this for me. I want this for me. I want this self-motivation for myself. I want this creative power. I want to say that I am going to do something, and myself holding myself accountable, and not flinching to what others would say to me. Too often I tell others the things I want to do, and then they speak to me as if they are holding me accountable, when I never asked them to, when its really none of their business. And I feel that pressure of wanting to please them, of wanting to have them like me, of not disappointing them. 

But I need this, I have the right to be self-motivated, and this is my life. We each have that right to create who we are. And I have to own that. The mind is like a collection of voices, voices that are not your voice, how can it be? How can the voices you hear in your head be your voice, it cannot. When You Speak, you are busy speaking. You know it. 

The mind is literally trash, garbage, and its unhealthy. 

I want a self here that is clearly me, that has the power to create, that does create with it, and does move reality. I want to do what is best for all. 

I want self-motivation, as well as all the others things that was written out as self points: self-esteem, self-trust, self-clarity, self-honesty, self-responsibility, SELF. 

I want to do this for me. I want this for me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be motivated by others in my life, friends, family, loved ones, relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire and seek praise and recognition for what I do from others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek meaning and purpose through serving others and helping others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need validation, to need meaning, to be given to me from somebody else, other than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek feeling good through the feedback I receive from others about how I am doing. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become indebted to, and dependent on what others say about me to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disappointing others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose and be out of touch with myself, with what I want for me, and to even doubt and question me wanting something for myself, and me creating with myself for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own power to create myself in any moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the mind in, to tell me who I am, and what to do, and what is important.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the responsiblity of self, where I have the power to create myself completely, and it is my responsibility to create myself into what is best for all, and with great power/effectiveness in reality. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear create myself to be self-motivated and to be unwavering in my motivation and self. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear recreating myself completely or in any way, shape or form, that is best for all, that is radical, that is pure creation in my hands. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of myself. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the mind win in telling me who I am, and to tell me to fear me. 

I realize breath can remove any emotional state I am in now, and that is currently present in my body, and thus is past the stage of the mind instigating me. I put a cover in front of my mind to not let the thoughts go through, and be accepted by me.