Day 868 Power, Control and Responsibility

 So, there is this statement that we cannot control other people, but we can control ourselves and who we are with things around us. So what I see within that is Fear. Because we can actually control who we are with other people, and so we can stand in a way with other people that does control/determine the relationship with that person. Control= Power= Responsibility. Being someone like Bernard, like how he was in his agreement with another person, which is who he is in a relationship based on principles that is openly agreed to and discusses, that requires having that Control, Power and thus acting from the knowing that you are responsible for the outcome. You do it, because you know it has an affect on all. You do it because you know that this shapes reality and changes the course of the future for this person and for others. 

Power is scary, like real power. Real power is the kind of power that can only come about when one Realizes ones Responsibility. Power that is acted on without responsibility isn't real, and it isn't scary. The truly brave ones are those that are living each moment, each breath, face to face with all that they have an affect on, and thus the power they have over others, and thus the Responsibility they have to endless generations of people in the future. That is scary, and that is real power. That is why Bernard had so much power. Because he lived with that awareness of All in every moment of breath. And you would find the same thing as well if you do it. Try it out, for some moments be aware of all that exists, will exist, everywhere now and in the future. See how everything you do, every moment you have, how it can and will affect all inevitably, and will have lasting effects, and how you cannot escape having an effect on all.With that awareness, live your day. You will see that you will be putting more care, and more attention to what you do, and your decisions. You will be more Brave. You will be more Considerate. And You will inevitably develop the skills, habits, and entering into processes that will reach to certain conclusions that have affects on us all. 

So can you see you are in fact controlling the lives of countless people in every moment? For someone else to learn something, or realize something, or start down a certain path, they need someone else to be ready, which would be you. You do have power, and that is control. And that is scary to face fully. This world isn't a fantasy. Death is real, and your days are numbered. And it is all within your hands and power. Can you handle some fear? Okay,  A LOT of fear? Can you be brave? Its a yes or no question. 

Like Bernard said in the Revenge of the Ego video, the odds of us succeeding are very low. So it is highly challenging. It is very Difficult. I wish it wasn't. But also, if we do succeed than it will truly stand won't it? It's impossible to do it half-ass. If there is success it will be a true success. 

What I am faced with right now, is that I am seeing that if I take control of myself and my power and stand in all my relationships, directing each person in the way to what is best for all. That that is fucking scary for me. And that is a lot power. And that is a lot of responsibility. And I really have this desire for a relationship where I do not have that power, or that killswitch on it. A fantasy of a relationship one where I do have to work, or be on top of it, or aware, or responsible, like in the true sense of principle. The fantasy would even be one where its like the normal boring relationships of where you work and serve the other, where you are a good husband, and you help them, etc... you are obedient. I can see how the use of the word work in both previous sentences would be confused for one another. I know that that is a fantasy and its not real. We do have to truly work all the time, be aware all the time, and be on top of things all the time. Even when you are alone. There is no break from principles, from power, from responsibility. And you wouldn't expect anything less from a Parent, or from a guardian of the universe. The responsibility comes first and then play can come after. But the responsibility is always there. We know that is how it must be always. And so I fear that, so deeply. 

What I can do is to do the work today, now, and in the moment I have. So writing this blog is one moment. And doing tasks, doing responsibilities, I can do in the next moment. And so on and so forth. That is what I must do. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear responsibility

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to  fear power

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to  control

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to  fear having the power, responsibility, and control over my relationships with all people, and things

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear never not having responsibility

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to  fear never not having control and power over myself and over the moment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having a desire and dream for a future moment of my life where I do have power and control over the moment and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living by the principle: responsibility first and play after. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being responsible for the fate of all people, including all future people. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the outcome of my life, and the end of it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the reality of my life, the reality of my power and affect on everyone and everything

I commit myself to my days and moments that they are lived well, according to what is best for all, with the control, power and responsibility I have over myself, the moment, and others. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still hope for peace, and for a life where nothing happens until I die. 

I commit myself to ask myself is this honoring what is best for each person?

I commit myself to ensure all control and power is guided towards the benefit of all of us, equally so, with awareness, purpose, and decisiveness.