Day 752 - My Tether to this World

I have found an interesting thing. My tether to this world. It is something defined within the mind, but I can see I can redefine it and live it as words.

My tether is what gives me the sense of living, of hope, and potential and there being a future for me in this world. I find that when I look into myself as my life timeline that my tether to this world relates to Being Understood by someone and finding that one someone who does See me, Gets me, understands me. So its an imagination. I imagine finding such a person and see the potential of the human people that I would find such a person somewhere.

I have had this throughout my life since childhood. I can see the negative polarity of seeing myself as not understood by others, or heard by others. That I am alone in this world, and so feeling frustrated, tired, alone, meaningless within that. And so having this idea of finding someone someday who does understand and get me is what motivated me through so many times in my life. I had a  real hope, and excitement in seeing the potential of meeting someone.

Without this tether to this idea/imagination, I see that I am disconnected from this world, disconnected from all people, all life everywhere. It gives that emotion of feeling frustrated.

Frustrated is specific and I see it relates to when I was a child before I could talk so well, and how adults and people wouldn't understand what I was saying. So feeling frustrated to that level.

So when I do look at or consider the possibility of the future of meeting such people who understand me, it does get me excited, full of hope and full of the potential of things.

So the point of separation is not seeing how there can't be someone who understands me in such a way. I'm sorry to say its not possible. Who I am and how I am is specific. There's no way someone can really get me in all dimensions. At best I connect with people in specific dimensions which does happen often and with most people. So that's clear.

So that's my self-honesty and so to realign and connect the point, I am tying the tether to me. And this means that I will live the words Hope, Excitement and Potential, in the exact way and nature of it that I would get/become through the idea and imagination of meeting people.

The idea of meeting people and friends, family, and loved ones, that is a biggie point for me. For as as long as I remember Friendships and Relationships formed a huge part of my emotions and self-definition and preoccupation in my mind. So actually redefining this one aspect which relates to the Hope, Potential and Excitement that I normally would feel when looking forwarding to meeting or seeing people, and instead LIVE IT as a self-expression at any time or all the time, or everyday, is quite radical.

But this radicalness, is exactly the point, I am becoming something odd/strange in humanity. I am becoming truly something different than how people function/operate. I becoming a point of self-fulfillment, through stopping this seemingly core point in who I am as mind and self-definition, which is something humanity lives as mind.

I am walking this point in the midst of what seems utter chaos in my inner reality and my outer reality. Yet at the same time, walking this process, and getting to the mind points and simply understanding it and changing it through the tools, this is staple. This is what is normal. We were all children at one point. We all become who we were through time. Spending the time to change is how we create our change in ourlives and direct ourselves.

So I see the excitement as ME, I see the excitement as my future and potential. There is always a future involving me in it. I see me being able to do things, I have the potential to do things that I can't predict/know and that excites me. I can come up with all sorts of expressions and live all sorts of things. I see the potential of joy, fun and expression with me, even if its alone or with others. The point is that I AM THERE. I will always be THERE in the future and so always Here, right now. And that is something to be excited about and look forward to :)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel displeasure and dislike for not being understood/heard in a moment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say/desire that I want to find that one person that understands me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Imagine then the person as really existing, as a person who truly understands me and gets what I am saying, and who I am, and my intentions. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel excitement within imagining this person who understands me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hope within imagining this person to be real, the one who understands me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in conflict with reality, and all people, and so continuing to live, because I saw everyone and this reality as not understanding me when I speak or say something. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing as a living word and independent to and different from other humans/people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing alone as the first one in doing/becoming a living word in relation to a mind point that everyone seems to have.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Miss Myself, as in missing the sight of myself, missing the view of myself when I live myself, as in not seeing me.


I commit myself to live hope, potential and excitement as me throughout my day as an living of the previous reaction/movement of when I want to be understood and believe I am being understood by someone or some people.