“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Breathing: muscular constriction linked to emotional reactions. 209

Breathing... So in continuation with yesterday's post, I investigated other physical reactions I had of late. And coincidentally, perhaps being specific, they each correspond to parts of my respiratory system. So breathing, in order words. They include my throat, my solar plexus or diaphragm, and my chest/lungs. Additionally my forehead had a sensitive reaction, which I identified as being a point of attraction or distraction, because my attention would go to my forehead, instead of my diaphragm, where this muscle was in a stuck position.

So I wrote about what was a trigger for each physical reaction, and described each physical reaction in detail.

For my throat I wrote about how it was constricting, and not allowing for the easy passage of air. The nature of the reaction was that of guilt, and the trigger was that of being exposed or shown to be lying, or not living up to a commitment.

For my forehead, I wrote about the sensitivity of the forehead area and how it reminded me of when I would anticipate something touching my forehead. There was a game I played where I would take a pen and pencil and point it towards my forehead and bring this object to touch my forehead. I would anticipate the touch and create this unusual experience, that was purely anticipation of the touch. So I flagged the word anticipation here, and I connected this to imagining the future circumstance. The nature of the trigger reflected this. It was imagining a horrible circumstance occurring where one person took and destroyed something specific of mine.

One other reaction I had is slightly more complex than the previous ones, since it involves several body part components. So it was an experience of increase blood pressure or blood flow, which connected to increase in my heart rate, but this also meant an increase in oxygen intake or breathing. In the real time moment what occurred was irregular breathing, whereby I would breath in sharply or quickly, and exhale slowly. This irregular breathing, marked by the difference in the amount time for the inhale and exhale, led to an increase in blood pressure. I also notice that my muscles, especially my diaphragm, where operating in such a way to cause this irregular breathing. This entire response was connected to the forehead sensation. The forehead sensation would distract my attention from this irregular breathing.

I found the solution to be breathing regularly, and bringing my attention to my breathing, especially when I experience a sensation of my forehead and get distracted from my breathing. I found it beneficial to breath with a diaphragm that opens readily and easily. Before the diaphragm would feel stuck, and created an experience of it being difficult to breath, and requiring great effort. I notice differences now in how I speak, sing, and breathe, and in general how I feel. I also notice that the constriction pattern is not gone yet, and I require to continue working at breathing in this open way.

I am investigating the emotional components, especially how I developed this physical reactions, and how that has to do with any emotional experiences. I have been forgiving and releasing this, because it has been a learned response or association with emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tighten my abdomen when I feel sad, nervous, scared, worried, fearful, in anticipating the future and what will occur, instead of allowing myself to breathe easily and openly because it is most beneficial, and physically supportive to provide a steady supply of oxygen to my body which is required by all the cells.

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