Yogan's Journey to Life

--> I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent my responsibility to act and do what is best for all always. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be absent from my responsibility to always do what is best for all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate my responsibility to do what is best for all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to kill my responsibility to myself and all life as myself, to always carryout what is best for all, always. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore what is best for all when a moment presents the opportunity to do what is best for all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight with reality as an equal as myself, to not work with myself as reality to bring about a world that is best for all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a woman’s touch more than my commitment to stand as what is best for all life...

In general, I have not been expressing myself clearly with my words. I feel afraid of writing and speaking clearly. I also am afraid of knowing why I feel afraid of writing and speaking clearly. I am afraid of writing and speaking clearly because I would have consider the perspectives of others. In doing so, I would no longer be able to stay in my little bubble. I would have to actually consider each person in the world as an equal. I would no longer be the king/god. I would be equal. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize I am the thoughts I accept and allow. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be practical and realize that the process of stopping the mind takes time and it won't happen in an instant. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing relationships as the result of what I say or write, within this realizing that what I say and write should consider practical reality and what would assist and sup...

I saw what I wrote yesterday as supportive. Later I noticed I stopped pushing and challenging myself. Earlier this morning, I did push and challenge myself by pushing and challenging myself and everyone internally to live oneness and equality. This is clear for me. For me this is either absolute or not. I cannot pick sides. There is only oneness and equality. If people I thought were honest, turn out to be dishonest, this should not affect me. If I move or act, is should always be me here moving and acting. Living here. Thoughts and emotions and feelings are in separation from self. The words and pictures, things we can live and apply as, are in separation. So we have to direct our words and pictures, as all and one and equal. The same with everything, beliefs, ideas, behavior, fears, desires, we have to direct ourselves whether this removes beliefs or not, the point is clear, oneness and equality. We have to become equal to the mind. The mind is in the superiority seat, because we ab...

"Who and what I stand as, is a programmed system to enslave and control Man so you may never realise or know who you really are as pure life essence, as Man. This is who and what I stand as and I will take any and all necessary actions to ensure that Man as who you are as pure life essence never know or realise who you really are: Even if it means eliminating and destroying myself" http://desteni.org/a/consciousness-the-enslavement-of-man-by-consciousness Conciousness is evil. Consciousness is not best for all (here I use evil to refer to what must be stopped, because its evil).Evil is murder, rape, war, inequality, greed, anger, possession, thoughts, emotions, reactions, feelings, ego, desires, beliefs, anything and everything that does not start from oneness and equality. I longer accept and allow anything which supports inequality, that which is not best for all- this is a living statement of who I am. Practically, the road to manifest oneness and equalit...

So im going to be pushing my body this week. I am not weak, I am strong. I can make mistakes- and learn from my mistakes and grow. I do not know if I need fear- to think so would be a presumption- so I will remove fear and find out. I also never need to insult anybody- I can just stick with fact- I do not need to create illusions- the reality here is stable enough and works well. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not know what I am doing- by being here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the mind, instead of being here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be present with every breath. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others and myself for writing self-forgiveness which I have considered a waste of time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to concern myself more with appearance than with function and results.

I am in a mass amount of work. Writing this out, I feel calmer like I can complete my work. I have several things to account for and complete throughout the next 9 days. Taking deep breaths helps me focus. I can feel the blood rushing to my brain, in slow, steady beats. The fear of failure. I allowed in a moment long ago, to participate in the fear of failure so completely that I never wanted to try again. I never wanted to stand up. I felt I was nothing, powerless. There is an element of not knowing- the fear of not knowing, whether I would succeed or not- and this scared me. Breathe, be here, and direct myself. These were words I repeated over to myself, until I lived it and stood up.  Accepting and allowing even one thought is to accept and allow the mind and to give up directive principle. Always stand as directive principle. Breathing helps to discharge what energy has its hold of you. Though breathing cannot replace you standing up and taking directive principle. This ...

yogan you don't know anything. I don't know anything. Stop no more.  Social comparison and Competition. I am looking at this topic for my thesis. I am also looking at an element of scarcity and how that combines/defines competition. I have had plenty of instances where I compared myself to others and derived meaning for the WHO I AM as EGO. Because realize- that any meaning that is defined in polarity, separate from oneness and equality is separation, is creating conflict, is addiction, is ego. Whenever we do not listen to another [Anna Brix Thomsen brought up this point recently- here ] through not being here, thinking, we are stating we are better than this person we are not listening to. Being a 'good listener' is an important skill for everyone to have. But it is also who you naturally are when you are here= because you are here and when another speaks= they speak here, because this is where reality is=its here. Anything that is here= is reality=is real=is physic...

I don't want to live.  I feel happy. So here's what came from my mind. So these words came up when I was giving myself the opportunity to see what is going on inside my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the words 'I don't want to live' within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the words 'I feel happy' within and as me. I do not need to be thinking I feel happy- If I was truly living, being here and expressing myself I would not need to be telling myself that I feel happy. This was a reaction.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the backchat as 'I don't want to live' to be connected to the backchat 'I feel happy.' I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate the feeling I call 'high' to the backchat 'I feel happy.' I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the feeling experience known as high within and as me.  When and as I am feeling 'high...

Is conditioning good or bad? I can see how the enslavement point of the mind is good because it contains the evil that we would spew forth. I See the mind as a test- to reveal who we are. If we stand up one and equal to the mind- what we accept and allow and don't accept and allow indicate who we are. If we simply hang back and allow the mind/wind free reign claiming it is a divinely wind/mind that it is the breath of god itself, that it is a gift given to us, that we cannot drop it stop it, because we could be giving up something special that defined who we are from the moment of birth- that it is us there is no question- we don't then see. See, what is going on in fact. And within that not seeing, that deliberate decision to not see to not check to not investigate and find out- we are responsible- for all that will happen and has happened because we did not hold ourselves accountable for what was occurring, what was manifesting in our world. Can we claim innocence? Is there ...

--> So I made a mistake in not standing as what I trusted, as good. I immediately went into a fear of not being good, when I received feedback that I was not good. I went into the mind instead of standing up for myself. I fear knowledge, and I granted knowledge equal value to reality. But knowledge can be false- while reality is real/here. Knowledge can reflect reality, however it can also not. So this proves knowledge itself cannot distinguish reality from false lies (misinformation, disinformation). WE, need to see for ourselves directly reality by being here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the mind as separate from me and that I was not responsible for what happens in my mind. When and as I see the mind as separate from me, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here, I stop the separation, and I stop the mind either immediately by saying "stop" or by applying self-forgiveness. I imagined telling this specific girl the foll...

I have not been living in a healthy balanced manner. I expected/believed I could focus on only one thing- my thesis- and ignore the rest. Within this binocular vision (tunnel vision) I did not care for eating well, waking up early, sleeping well, breathing, writing, resting, exercising, sitting comfortably, sitting relaxed, sitting so that I could sit like this forever, being relax and focused while reading, understanding, and learning. My overall experience with thesis is fear; a panic that I won't be able to finish, that I will run out of time. I desired to show so much, and do great things with my thesis. In essence then, I desired everything to happen quickly. That I would be finished with the whole project in no time- that I would be already at the finish line. Instead of being here with the thesis. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to finish early without putting the time and effort into it. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just...

I had for a while in my life fantasize about meeting a group of people/friends that would accept me. I also imagined having a relationship partner and a best friend as well. However, I see I have made these several points as compromises to who I am, because I have charged these points with energy, so that I become overwhelmed by these points. I also notice I enter into points of contests/ego with friends, with these people who would accept me. I saw it as something normal or to be expected, an idea I built and reinforced   with   my observations and constant thoughts, imaginations and playouts in my minds. This has lead to a great compromise in who I am and in my living. The nature of who I am is to seek consolence, and so be weak within that. All these years I have built up strength and skill. Who I am is in reverse. Inside I seek to do nothing, be nothing, and let others do all the work. This is ego and self-interest, the exact evil that creates the world. I am just lik...

So apparently, there is a entirely separate system that is responsible for learning to respond automatically, whether you like it or not. In other words, it does not matter if you enjoy it, or are perhaps even aware of the actual physical sensation of something, you could feel an urge or desire or want to do something. This is called addiction or habit, isn't. I notice for many years of my life, especially after first listening to desteni material, how I did not really enjoy anything, that everything was a mind push or pull, which itself felt violent and uncomfortable. Which is why breath is so important to be here. Because here is where you direct, where everything exist, where we really live, and where we can really learn. That is why it is important to stop emotions and feelings, breathe and be here. When I feel anxiety or fear, stop breathe. If I feel a physical pain, be here, breathe, I look at what am I separating myself from here, and then stop the separation, and realign. W...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy my depression. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter my depression. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see depression as me, when I have no clue how it operates and I don’t know what it consists of. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust depression, which leads to my self-harm. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge depression as bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I must judge something as bad before I can stop. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from what is here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from change. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from self-direction and action. I forgive myself for acc...

  Below is an email I received from change.org, Release my boyfriend and soup kitchen manager Donald Perry, in prison since August for offering a ride to a homeless man. Sign My Petition Yogan - In 2011, my boyfriend Donald Perry -- a manager at a soup kitchen and homeless outreach center in western Massachusetts -- was pulled over and arrested. His crime? He gave a ride to a homeless ma...

So knowledge and information can never be a guiding principle for reality because knowledge and information is not a principle. Knowledge and Information can prove or justify any behavior/action: I hit him because the sky is blue or his skin is yellow or my shoes are untied. This is a logical statement, however anyone with a shred of dignity knows this is wrong on so many levels. Therefore what we should do, what we ought to do, can never be explained by Science or knowledge and information. And that is why what is best for all is always the only option to choose. Because it is itself what is best for all. If this resonates with you, visit the articles at the Desteni website: desteni.org, and read on what is best for all.

It is difficult for me to share on blogger without somehow caring about who reads this. In other words I manipulate my writing. I see this as a problem because this does not support ME. This is a problem because it does not support me. I need to correct this and support me. Today I went to a talk hosted on campus. The speaker was from the Ben & Jerry ice cream company. He was Jerry, who helped founded the company. It was a nice talk and all about spiritualizing business, and incorporating the community, giving back money to community, supporting social movements. Anyway, so after there was free ice cream. I was watching myself, and i was seeing how when standing in line and walking to the reception there was this automatic push when the line in front moved forward. I noticed this. I did not want to participate in this automaticity. I saw it as a fear of someone behind me getting in front. So i relaxed, and moved slowly at a comfortable place because you know what? that if your in...