The Self is the key. You are the key. If you want to make things better, focus on yourself. Do you have a relationship with yourself? Are you able to hold yourself and know yourself? Do you know what you are feeling? Do you know what you are thinking? Are you here with yourself? Do you Know yourself?

Self is the Key. You are the Key. You have the power. You are the power. You need to know the power. You need to know yourself. You need to know who you are right now in this moment in what you are thinking and feeling. And you need to start stopping whatever it is that is not best for you. You need to start stopping that which is harmful to Life.

Be the Self that is Free from all limitation, pain, abuse, destruction, and full of creation, ability, and potential. You start becoming through self-forgiveness.

Would you like to have a relationship with Your self?

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

day63: Clearing out the broom closet.

yogan you don't know anything. I don't know anything. Stop no more. 

Social comparison and Competition.
I am looking at this topic for my thesis. I am also looking at an element of scarcity and how that combines/defines competition. I have had plenty of instances where I compared myself to others and derived meaning for the WHO I AM as EGO. Because realize- that any meaning that is defined in polarity, separate from oneness and equality is separation, is creating conflict, is addiction, is ego. Whenever we do not listen to another [Anna Brix Thomsen brought up this point recently- here] through not being here, thinking, we are stating we are better than this person we are not listening to. Being a 'good listener' is an important skill for everyone to have. But it is also who you naturally are when you are here= because you are here and when another speaks= they speak here, because this is where reality is=its here. Anything that is here= is reality=is real=is physical. Power is here=because the only power is the physical. The mind "wants" this physical as energy, so it "keeps" you from here- well, unless you actually stand up and take responsibility. And stop feeding/participating in the mind.
             Fear, reaf, re-lief. relief. So fear is what we use when we want to hide from something=we participate in fear. I used it to hide from my studies and from writing. I started fearing everything I could lose if I were to move forward into the role as an active proponent for life, a destonian. Also, the role as a psychologist researcher. I would not be able to fuck around as much, I would need to become disciplined. From a general perspective some would say this is growing up- however, when I see adults I see suppression- so my best guess is that adults actually do fuck around-which is suppression of yourself as life, as all and one and equal. Adults drink and party in the weekend=suppression. They marry, and have kids without getting to know the person=suppression. They end up in jobs they hate, and/or they fear money=suppression. This is all speculation/extrapolation, so you will need to see for yourself if this is true in your life, because thats the life that matters isn't? The one you can take direct responsibility for and direct to what is best for all, it's you.
        So I did, actually, in my life situation, play the relationship card as a way to suppress myself as life, from standing up and taking responsibility through being disciplined and directing my life situation to be in an optimal position as a researcher and as a destonian. I would call it a last ditch effort to keep my dreams from my childhood and somehow manifest it while I was torn apart trying to remain a proponent of life, and so my vocabulary blurred, I used terms as good to justify who I am, to keep an appearance to myself that everything was handy dandy when it was not.
        So there's still a chance for me to recuperate it and bring back the physical pieces of my life potential in being a researcher and also a destonian. First I cannot define myself as a researcher or a destonian, otherwise I will fear losing this label- and so enter into whatever personalities that will pounce! You see the thing is the mind has got you as long as your afraid. And defining yourself according to reality will automatically create a relationship of fear of loss for the reality definition. I mean, what is real is here, and does not require you to define yourself according to it, in order for you/I to direct the situation or any situation for that matter. I live and express through words- I am the living words- I am not separate from my situation and I direct myself within my situation. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the examples provided by adults as an excuse for myself to then take on the same bad example provided by adults, instead of not taking on those qualities and learning from the mistakes made by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take something that should be considered seriously, "relationship," and make it into something abusive to life and myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my opportunity to be a researcher and realise that all that matters is giving it all I got.

I commit myself to stop seeking relationships as a form of escape from responsibility for completing Thesis, daily blog writing, being here, eating well, studying, attending class alert and prepared, completing assignments to the best of my ability, from enjoying my time with me, from stopping fears/desires.

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