day59- Bringing myself back here.

I have not been living in a healthy balanced manner. I expected/believed I could focus on only one thing- my thesis- and ignore the rest. Within this binocular vision (tunnel vision) I did not care for eating well, waking up early, sleeping well, breathing, writing, resting, exercising, sitting comfortably, sitting relaxed, sitting so that I could sit like this forever, being relax and focused while reading, understanding, and learning. My overall experience with thesis is fear; a panic that I won't be able to finish, that I will run out of time. I desired to show so much, and do great things with my thesis. In essence then, I desired everything to happen quickly. That I would be finished with the whole project in no time- that I would be already at the finish line. Instead of being here with the thesis.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to finish early without putting the time and effort into it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just want to be done with thesis without having to think about it or really engage it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be lazy. 
When and as I see myself drift into a unconscious mind set- I immediately breath and bring myself back here, and engage myself with what is here.
I commit myself to engage my thesis and my life.