Yogan's Journey to Life

When I am aware of the email the professor from the university might have sent me, I feel nervous. When I look inside I see that I am really afraid of not completing my life goal of making a difference with my life in how the human is. Right now that is through becoming a researcher and I am afraid I may have compromised my relationship with this one particular professor. I realize that being a researcher is just one way I can make an effect on the human. And I am willing to accept that perhaps no one will use my research or that despite anything I do, I might not make an effect in the human. Ultimately the only person I can make an effect on with 100% certainty is with my self. And I realize now too how children are the only other ones that may change, as they are still developing at an early age. So the solution that I see for me is to stop seeking recognition or a point of satisfaction from having changed or influenced others, children or adult humans,   beca...

So a lot has been happening the last few days in terms of myself and my process. I would like to talk about each point, which will serve as a recap for me. So I wanted to write about conditioning, because for me its about that raw point of how we associate our emotions basically to things that are of course not emotional in nature. And so after looking at this, I also was pushing within myself to stop participating in any punishment and reward inside myself, which would mean that I would be sort of rewarding myself or punishing myself with a thought followed with an experience. That became all of my focus, but for some reason that was not working very well. Eventually I came to the point where I just dropped that and I went to the basics of self-forgiveness, self-trust, self-honesty, and self-responsibility. With that I could properly navigate what was going on within me. Something interesting happened today, where I was helping my aunt and grandma by painting one of their rooms, and...

A while ago, I posted a blog about Reward and Punishment . Just like how the Desteni message explained about the positive and negative within the mind, the same thing works within reward and punishment. So Im going to talk then about this point that the positive and negative are used as a way to draw attention from what is really here or what is going on, the same way that reward and punishment is also used to remove self-responsibility, by drawing attention away from an individual's ability to direct and figure out what to do in a situation. So I will be comparing these two points and be providing examples for them.             So within the Desteni message and the principle it stands as as oneness and equality, the polarity of positive and negative is explained thusly. From my understanding from watching the interviews and reading the articles found from the Desteni website and the blogs and youtube accounts of the Destonians, ...

During the last 2 days I have been exploring some points within myself. I decided to start over and give myself a do over with myself. To start from scratch. So Im no longer accepting any thought as valid. So I bring this up because I am looking now at the point of morality and how this has served me, and how it is proving very useful to me. Now, in my mind, and perhaps in the mind of all men, there are certain things, which we may judge as Ok, or acceptable. Porn could be one of those points. For me, I can't explain it in any other way, but porn is unacceptable because of the message you are giving for seeing women and men as inferior, and as less than who they really are. We are not images, we are more than just that. So there is something wrong within reacting to the image of the women and seeing just the image and nothing else. The same goes for men. So, from the point of view of the mind, there is nothing wrong, because no one is getting physically hurt. But I know something h...

So one of my goals for me is to see things as they are. That I do not assume anything extra. That I would just see what is here. I just look at the facts. And so I place things into perspective. And so from that point i can learn about the actual real relationships between things in this world. I can see how things function in reality. I can find that objective truth. And so I would know that if someone tells me something and he/she says that it is true. I can can for myself what is actually being presented, and what are the state of affairs for this truth. Is it knowable? Can I test it? Also, is it even relevant. There are so many quesitons and so many persepectives on any one point that I can investigate any point many times over, and if the point is an absolute truth it should stand from all valid perspectives. Within that I can find trust. And I know that all it takes to break te trust is for a point to be unreliable, which it simply becomes reliably unrealible, if that makes sense...

So within myself, I always desired to fit in, however I was not willing to compromise myself. I wanted others to be more like me, OR that they accept me. Investigating this point of acceptance further, I saw that I wanted unconditional acceptance because I thought I was already good and in some sense perfect. However unconditionally accepting anything, could mean accepting bullshit. SO that's where I am grateful for self-honesty, which is like the ability to see bullshit. Anyway, so wanting people to accept me, WITHOUT me knowing who I am, allows for the possibility for accepting abuse, which is unacceptable. So the responsible thing would be to investigate who I am. So rereading what I wrote, I would say that by compromise I mean not having to change myself. And also I see that this whole point is ego, because there is not a single description of something of value, because its all about others accepting me, for what?????? Exactly, so looking inside there is only Energy as a rea...

SO one of the hardest points for me to get over is trying to convince people of things which I know is true. Like the point of oneness and equality. The strange thing is, when I heard the point the first time, I knew it was a true description of how things worked. It explained so much to me, even in a way how everything works. I also remember how by the fact people become nasty when hearing this message, it already invalidated them, and at the same time demonstrated how the message is true. Because the truth that you are one and equal to what you accept and allow, is for some strange reason judged as bad by the mind. I don’t get it, and I can’t explain why the mind would do that. The mind perhaps perceives it may die, by why ignore the truth that this is how you really live.   The mind itself seems completely invalid and unnecessary. Its like an extra layer of bureaucracy, just a waste of time and money. You never accomplish what you REALLY wanted to accomplis...

So enthusiasm is a limitation because its starting point is separation, that a person must first become enthused on order to do something, and if they are not enthused than they will not do such thing correctly or precisely. Enthusiasm is thus a limitation, because a person an instead directly do/act/say the thing without needing to be enthused. The same can be said with motivation. So anything that becomes a layer or conditioned that must be satisfied for you to move/act becomes a limitation, because its not necessary. If it is necessary like checking with yourself before acting, or assessing the situation first, realize that this is also an act/doing, so its equal and one to you moving you. Its not an energy layer. If its an energy layer you will notice it is not practical, and draws/sucks your resources or attention. It can be like a blindfold or veil covering what is here directly in front of you. Sometimes you can check with yourself and ask Am I here? Then you ...

          One of the hard things for me to admit is that I am a product of my parents, both environmental factors and biological factors such as genetics. My mom told me a story that I was an old soul, so I would like to believe I am who I am because of being an old soul. But I know that's not the case because everything that I learned or accepted who I am to be was based on the choices that my parents or teachers gave me. For example, my mom never paid me money to get straight A's. She instead told me to learn for myself, or get good grades for myself. So I followed this program, I listened to my mother. I never considered learning as a way to support myself practically in this world or learning as a way to support others practically in this world. It was something I did for me, to define me, that I am someone who learns in the classroom and in the tests. I just did it, lol, strange, huh? If I didn't do it, then I wouldn't...