“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Day-34: Heaven or Hell, Dimensions of Sleep zzz

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So one prevalent point I have, especially on the weekends, is sleeping in. I am writing this in response to the forum thread, Only 4 -6 hours of Sleep Required?. So sleep and I have had an interesting history. I remember if there was like an emergency or great need to wake up like to head to the airport, I was able to wake like in a second though in a slight daze. I also used to before going to bed I would say I would sleep until a certain time in the morning and I would wake then.
Thought of waking in morning, lol. The Heaven = Hell
            So now in my current situation, I am a student studying who needs to be in charge of his study(and so sleep too!). I am writing separately a point on scheduling which will assist me in my setting my sleep pattern. So im going to just as a support see what excuses or reasons I have to go to bed early or to sleep in. Then I will establish a new pattern of sleep.
            So fears I have is the anxiety I feel when knowing I have to do something, it is very subtle but it is enough for me to consider I can sleep in with no big consequence. I think I am rewarding myself, I think I deserve. I think I am supporting my body. I think I neeeeed this.
The most basic point however of a sleep schedule or plan is not even established, which is what I really need.

            Before going to bed I may start thinking how wonderful would it be to sleep now and work on this assignment in the morning. How great would it be to sleep now? So I start entering into this sleepless, or sleepy state where my body feels like dead. What triggers it is knowing it is “late” by lookin at the time and say hmmm, its late, maybe I should go to bed, and my response is yeahyeahyeah.
            So this relationship was described in a previous blog of mine. I desired to keep sleeping and I feared waking. Two forces, but are they really a force? Considering we accept and allow it, who we would be, equal to it would make it not soo much of a force, but equal. And nothing can influence us when we are equal to it.
            I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anxiety when I know there is something for me to do as an obligation.
            I commit myself to support myself to breathe and to direct my sleeping pattern to be what is needed in my living situation to maximize my waking time and support me to be effective in my waking time through the sleep I need.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think it is no big deal to sleep now, I can take care of my obligation tomorrow, not realizing I am going to extend my sleep time longer than necessary to avoid my obligation, and so my starting point of separating myself from my obligation through sleep, is affecting my day and experience and relationship within and as sleep.
I commit myself to wake immediately with enthusiasm for the day and enjoy the fresh morning air and a tasty breakfast that too, like sleep, will be designed to be effective for my day.

            I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine that sleep will be a great wonderful thing for me and so this places sleep within my mind’s eye and not within practical definition and reality of what sleep really consists of, which is a physical time for the body to reestablish and prepare itself for another day.
            I commit to when I will sleep to prepare myself in bed to sleep by being here in the physical feeling what my hands and head and entire body is touching and breathing.
            I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backchat to define sleep as a desire and see waking and participating in reality within obligations as a fear to fear, and that fear and desire act as two masks of the same face where energy is the actual face and fear and desire are the surface where through removing the masks and forgiving the energy I can take my rightful place as life and a self-director of sleep as myself as a planned and placed support for myself in this world. 
            I commit myself to equalize myself to the physical such that I can as the physical move myself to wake when it is time to wake at the specified time I set myself.
            I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in reactions as this charges the systems within me and further supports my ignorance and unawareness of reality in fact, as this physical body.
            I commit myself to stick with breath when engaging in the self-directed decision to sleep and when laying to sleep and when I am laying and time to get up and so continue breathing as I get up and walk my morning/day.
            I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within participating within thoughts, reactions, backchat, and imagination, to not realize I am creating further stress and destruction of the physical.
I commit myself to place sleep in a patterned schedule of waking up at the same time 7:30 am every morning, no matter the time I go to bed, and as such I can have a stable point where I have no excuse or justification to sleep more.
           

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