Day 16- Love at first Sight?
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Oct 1 2012
I saw X, I slowed down to say hi. ( I saw she was looking
away and I thought she might be embarrassed) I was watching her eyes as I was
telling her: How are you? She responded, good you? (I did not consider she was
simply expressing herself) I kept walking, I thought then, imagined, I had told
her: I was sitting outside if you wanted to join me. (I had imagined she would
like to sit with me) I then reacted in fear, and told myself no, im going to go
sit outside like I planned. I went to the spot I had told myself I was going to
sit. I thought there would be too many people walking by that it would be
awkward. (I thought she would see me sitting close by yet I separated myself
fro everyone else) I also thought it would be not sunny, so not cool. I started
then heading somewhere there was sun, outside. I had then imagined if I had
asked X out, to which I reacted positively (I imagined she would have said
yes to me). But I see this point is just in my mind and that I would never do
this, yet I feeding this image this thought of me doing this. (I am keeping my
secret inside that I would think X would like to go out with me) I see that it is
feeding my ego, as I judge X to be great and fantastic and that a girl like
that going out with me would be amazing, as she seems stable and cool. (I think
she would be great at sex) I would see myself having fun within that
relationship (sex). I have this idea then that relationship’s primary point is
fun (sex). But as I have learned in my most recent blog, a relationship won’t
stand unless both persons can stand together as equals as creators creating
themselves with a real being, being informed/aware of the creation intimately.
Both being honest to the slightest dishonesty and stupidity of the self. And then correcting together and walking
from there as life is a process where we continuously create.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
consider that agreement is a commitment oneself makes for oneself to stand and
walk with another.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react
positively to imagining asking X out.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
it is normal to react to the thoughts you think.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
express happiness as a way to selectively raise certain relationships instead
of expressing myself equally (quality) with all points.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
share myself as time, effort, and self with all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
about certain beings only.
When and as I see myself feel happy while thinking about
certain beings, I stop and I breathe – I realize that all is here and all is
equal – I realize there is no specialness or inequality with life –
I commit myself to be practical within my tasks by not
allowing emotional reactions to move me in any context
I commit myself to apply commonsense within my tasks.
I commit myself to find a way to do what is best for all in
my tasks, and time on this earth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
realize that I am I process of creating myself in every moment.
To be continued............................................................................................................................
Hi Yogan, I suggest adding TAGS for each blog and adding REDDIT to your sharethis buttons.
ReplyDeleteChanged the button to include reddit and will place tags from now on. Thanks for that.
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