Day 886 The Past

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto an identity

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a story of who I am

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of what happened to me

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto an experience I went through

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a relationship I had with another

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a desire for an experience for myself

Basically if I were to write it all down there would be endless pages of things, of experiences that piled together have defined who I am today. And they are intrinsically tied to the relationships I have with people. But none of that matters. The relationships I have or had with people don't matter. They are ideas. They are opinions. And they are energies. And none of that matters. 

What matters is the physical. The actual physical bodies is what matters. The personalities, the stories, the ideas, the energies... these don't matter. I could write out these stories, they could be gruesome tales, fantastical, dramatic, sensational, and it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what he or she did or said. What matters is physical living, and the physical well-being. 

My Identity, my ego, my name doesn't matter. My experiences, my memories, my past, doesn't matter. Thus secrets is unacceptable. Because if you hold a secret then you care about the drama, the story, the ego. Gossiping doesn't matter. Insults don't matter. Fighting doesn't matter. What matters is standing with the physical. 

We care about whether people gossip bout us, or if they insult us, or if they think we are fighting with them, if we care about our ego, our identity, our story or our relationships. If we care about the physical living, and if we thus live that accordingly, then the rest doesn't matter. We can be direct, be straight, be clear, and live. 

Who I am with people is a decision that I make and live now. If I let it be whatever my past or memories dictate it should be: like they insulted me, or they are a stranger, or they are my friend, then I am an ego, a memory, and I am disregarding life. 

The way of relationships based on memories, is that based on ego, or separation, on a divorce of life here. There is no love for real while memories are here as Bernard said.

When I edit my words, and what I say because I see some words creating fights with others, that is me not being real. Honoring and living whats real is living here, not within memories, not within ego, not within the past, not within relationships, not within history, not within personalities, not within opinions, but instead with the physical and physical living. 

Screaming, Fighting, Yelling, Hate, Destroy, Revenge, Kill, Blame, Guilt, Shame, Control, Deception, Lying, Hiding, Stealing, Pretending, Torture. 

I forgive others who have done these things. And I stand with the Physical. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in separation from others, through labeling them as words, instead of seeing the Physical everywhere

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play into the story, into the drama, into the conflict, instead of bring through the Physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek my desire as a story, as a drama, as a opinion, instead of bringing forth a desire as the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play into the personalities, the egos, the stories, as myself, as words, as energies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight as myself as words as energies, as beliefs, as opinions, as personalities. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play into a provocation to fight.

I can see how I have been provoked into verbal fights. Where someone says something. And I gladly enter the fray. I fight. I realize that I enjoy it. And I realize it is destructive, and harms everyone.

I am not a memory, I am not an opinion. I am not an outcome of argument. What I am is the Physical. My ego, my story is fantasy. My emotional pain is fantasy. The belief that friends and enemies exist is fantasy. What we all are is one and equal, on a physical level. That is the truth we must come to realize. The rest is just fantasy.

I can see the play out of an argument. I can see the resistance. I can see the temptation to retaliate. And the reason why is because I care about them. Yet care doesn't exist. Care is an opinion, a fantasy. What exists is action. And the action to fight, argue, and resist is not care. What is existent within me is a desire to have a friend. And a belief that if I act within care, within love, for a friend, then it is justified. 

Too long have I indulged within the desire for friends, the desire to be accepted, to find someone like me. None of that is physical or real. Everyone is me and I am everyone. The rest is just labels and non-physical. 

What makes something real?

It comes down to what you live. Some may say that what I write and say is just words. But in the moment, I can live it. I can live as all as one and equal through the moment. As my being and core that can be who I am, and thus I manifest myself from that starting point. Everything I do, and all that emanates from me, that is where I am decided and determined. That is how you live words. 

You do and live what is necessary, by what ever is necessitated by the words you decided to live.I am all as one and equal, and thus you live it. 

I am prepared to forgive others for what they have done to me or to others. It is best for all. 

I am prepared to live without a slate with everyone (as compared to clean slate). The past doesn't matter. Let's just help everyone the best we can in every moment.