Yogan's Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am nothing without success. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am worthless if I do not live a life of worth. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a life of worth. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exclude myself from what it means to live a life of worth, and chose to follow fear of appearing arrogant to others (i ironically became arrogant as a result) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my relationship with myself, within who i am with me, how i interact with me and reality, that i was somehow dishonest and everything i had lived needed to be lost, without realizing i am simply investigating me piece by piece and see, through asking, am i in fact living, am i in fact here? I am in fact in directive power? And daring to see the truth which requires only for me to be here to see.  I forgive myself for acce...

What is best for all? Can love become what is best for all? A better question, why is love not what is best for all? Why is love separate from what is best for all? Why am I not aware of each thought I have, and each any every impulse, movement, inclination within me? Why do I pretend I am aware of such things? How do I become aware of who I am really within making a decision for example? What am I basing my decisions on? What factors am I considering, who am I considering? Do I consider just me or am I considering others too? Do I allow feelings to make a decision for me? Do I one day choose A because I feel good and choose B because I feel bad? Is there more than just my feelings/emotions? (yes). I make doing what is best for all my priority to consider in my decision. This is something for me to live and apply. To whether I feel good or bad to do what is best for all. Like questioning, why do I feel good or bad? Why do I consider anything other than what is best for all (inclu...

--> I had an interesting moment just earlier. Its difficult for me to write, probably in part for the same reason I am writing this blog. The reason being about this realization that I ask permission for myself to live, essentially. I ask permission to have my realizations about myself to be able to be lived and applied by me. I feel wrong and bad to even ask someone whether I can live and apply this realization I had on myself. This realization that I ask permission to even realize things about me. I see also how the same thing goes for asking permission to do bad things, where self-honestly I would not do those things, yet I want to from the perspective of the mind. Which is another layer, of the mind. And I can see how this asking for permission is really my mind granting itself permission. Where sometimes the mind may use a few words out of context to give itself permission (me) to do the thing it wants (I want). And I trust it, because I received permission, therefore ...

Laziness. Where have i accepted and allowed laziness to manifest? its funny, laziness does not have to be inactivity. Being here could be an "inactivity" for a moment and breathing while i sit for example. Though its not inactive. In looking for laziness, its in those moments of walking to the cafeteria to eat where i am lazy in that i do not walk in equality with the physical. Being unaware of yourself is laziness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here and walk with the physical while walking somewhere. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here when sitting while on the computer.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here when using words in speech or in writing. I commit myself to be here with the entire physical body, including the hands, feet, legs, pelvic area, belly, back, shoulder, neck, chest, arm pits, face, top of the head, back of the head, belly button, the inner organs, the b...

 I did a vlog on this text below that i wrote, and i will now follow through with self-forgiveness... -->   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_JXNYxwQTY&list=LLY4LU4QVg06KgqTCMkNUtUQ&feature=mh_lolz Children are taught competition. Look at this commonsense. Children are taught games where competition is required. Why is this brainwashing/teaching not questioned? If no child was brainwashed to play sports based on compeition, or games of competition etc… would children compete? If children were given everything they required to live a dignified life, would they compete? If children were taught to care for life and each other, would they compete? Obviously not. The entire generation of abusers and ego can end in One generation of children if humanity dares to take on the challenge. We think competition is natural, though ask yourself, would competition exist without survival? What if survival was taken care of, that everythin you require is provided ...

Im going to take this deconstruction of myself slowly . I always wanted an easy life.  --> I can see this play out in the context of two summers ago where my dad, my brother and cousin and I were building a shed for my dad. I noticed how I did not try my best and how my dad kept telling me I would hate this kind of work because I do not enjoy working, like him. He wanted me to get a degree so I can get a job that does not require to much work and makes relatively more money than other jobs without degrees. This reminds me now of a conversation my dad and I had around the time I was about to enter highschool. We were walking outside at night and my dad asked me if I could have any job in the world, any, what would that be? What would you do out of love? To respond I first looked inside and saw a distaste for work that had no 'significance' where people are not 'helped' in what they need helped with most. I made it my job/responsibility to help people w...

When I was in the first year of highschool, towards the end, my mom had visited an astrologer to see about what would be best for me. She went on some day magical, like 5/5/05 which both her and I took as a sign of the value of the following, that I should change schools to a Jesuit College Preparatory school. When I heard the news, I thought it was like divine plan. I felt sad inside because there was this girl I liked and known for a couple years that went to the school I was in. I had however in my desperato fashion, saw leaving as good and necessary and I made a positive or unemotional façade about leaving. Her and I had not been talking in a while, and all of a sudden in our English class she hugged me while we were standing. I did not hugged her back thinking to myself I can’t hug her or I would cry. I very much lived in a life of emotions. I never wanted to appear or look emotional so is my pattern of mind. I wanted to be courageous, not fearful, ever. I ...

--> I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can escape consequence and escape the mind through a process of separating myself from the physical reality WITHIN my mind through simply accepting and allowing the mind completely as my God or Master, where I completely rely on the mind and allow every single thought as the accepted truth of me, not realizing I am accepting and allowing it, I can stop, and that I have not in fact lived or expanded myself but have reduced myself to a box within a compartment in the mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing thoughts because of the belief they are practical and support what is best for all, as obviously I am not being supported by thoughts, I am forgetting me, I am making the ultimate sacrifice in disregarding me. I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I cannot direct and ensure the manifestation of what is best for all if I take a backseat in the mind and si...

-->  So something to share with everyone, I have changed writing on self or 'about us', everyone including me within this world which is the reflection of who we are, so I write on these two things I mentioned (they often go hand in hand in my writing) from a point of enjoying seeing myself and uncovering myself and seeing who we/I am. In breath its quite enjoyable from a physical experiential/here perspective where its like that experience where you are here and the you can continue and go as you know this body/you can. I immediately put what I “want” to write, and I “choose” my words sometimes and direct even small points of what I am going to say next, and its enjoyable from the perspective its what I know its me and so im just expressing me, there is nothing wrong or right since its me. So its like im talking to a friend, completely opening myself up to that friend. Its enjoyable. So one interesting experience that is related is seeing like this energy monst...

 I explore various dimensions within the pokemon theme song, that are layered within myself. “I gotta be the very best, that no one ever was, to catch them will be my real test, to train them will be my cause, I will battle across the land, searching far and wide, pokemon to win the FIGHT! Its always been my dream. I know its my destiny, you’re my best friend in a world we must defend, gotta catch them all." So this shows something cool & revealing about me. I would watch the pokemon show as a kid and I remember always feeling very emotional when hearing the song. So I was sitting here reading HJTL and the theme song came up. I within looking at the theme song see several themes about me. “I gotta be the very best” -this describes my desire to be the best and my motivation which is essentially a character. “that no one ever was” -This reveals to me how I don’t want anyone else to be as good as me. “to catch them will be my real test, to trai...

I will in posts to come walk various characters. Right now (which is related to the characters i am focusing on, isn't it all related? um yes lol) im gonna see how love is missing from the equation of those with intelligence. SO. Love. Right, WRONG? What we as humans tend to miss is the physical. That sums up the tragedy of the human. A tragedy in Greek Theater.        So answer me, would not love dictate you feed everyone. I mean we see people do this, and we then take their f-in actions and glorify them, deify them as if they ARE MORE. So we don't have to give an F about ourselves really doing our part. Now that would entail ENDING Starvation. That's right i said it. END STARVATION.        End starvation would be the first act of love that would have ever existed on this planet or this existence for that matter. No the creation of the human was not an act of love, no having sex is not an act of love. Buying your Girlfriend chocolates is no...

--> Mwuhahaha Looking over my behavior this past months, I see I have been correcting my behavior to be what is best for all, through my memories and beliefs that were existent within me. I was not here in real-time, I was essentially a memory. So I patterned and placed my behaviors as programs to be lived. I justified behaviors based on certain reasons that came up within the moment. Since I was not here, I was simply an outflow of my thoughts on what I should do, instead of equalizing myself here as the physical and start from a one and equal starting point with existence and this physical body. I recall words that would pop in my mind as I wrote as if memories of what I have decided was good to say. I have in my history before Desteni been collecting thoughts, and points of knowledge and beautiful and wise sayings or points to tell people. I would then speak them out of memory. I did not start from a one and equal starting point to investigate the messages but trusted them ...

--> So one prevalent point I have, especially on the weekends, is sleeping in. I am writing this in response to the forum thread, Only 4 -6 hours of Sleep Required? . So sleep and I have had an interesting history. I remember if there was like an emergency or great need to wake up like to head to the airport, I was able to wake like in a second though in a slight daze. I also used to before going to bed I would say I would sleep until a certain time in the morning and I would wake then. Thought of waking in morning, lol. The Heaven = Hell             So now in my current situation, I am a student studying who needs to be in charge of his study(and so sleep too!). I am writing separately a point on scheduling which will assist me in my setting my sleep pattern. So im going to just as a support see what excuses or reasons I have to go to bed early or to sleep in. Then I will establish a new pattern of sleep. ...