Day 43: A new Beginning

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I had an interesting moment just earlier. Its difficult for me to write, probably in part for the same reason I am writing this blog. The reason being about this realization that I ask permission for myself to live, essentially. I ask permission to have my realizations about myself to be able to be lived and applied by me. I feel wrong and bad to even ask someone whether I can live and apply this realization I had on myself. This realization that I ask permission to even realize things about me. I see also how the same thing goes for asking permission to do bad things, where self-honestly I would not do those things, yet I want to from the perspective of the mind. Which is another layer, of the mind. And I can see how this asking for permission is really my mind granting itself permission. Where sometimes the mind may use a few words out of context to give itself permission (me) to do the thing it wants (I want). And I trust it, because I received permission, therefore I must be self-honest, when really self-honesty does not require permission from anyone, or justification from anyone else to live and apply a realization that self has realized, which self can even be held accountable for because self realized it within awareness, and it is not dependent on anyone else through asking their permission. Within this then I give permission, so to speak, to myself to live, and realize there is no goddam separation that I am self-responsible for how I live and what I apply myself as. That permission was an excuse, to do things that I would not otherwise allow myself to do. Or also to not do things, that I would want to live as because there was a point of self-honesty within that realization.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask permission to apply and live a realization I have on me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use ‘permission’ as an excuse to not live and apply realization I have on me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use ‘permission’ as an excuse to not be self-honest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse ‘permission’ through utilizing it to support separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel wrong and bad for not asking another whether I can live and apply a realization I had on me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distrust myself through using asking permission.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself through using asking permission to live.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not capable, I am worthless, I am nothing, and I require others to help me and support me to become self-honest, that I cannot possibly know anything for sure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not utilize others effectively to serve as mirrors of myself, to investigate myself effectively in self-honesty and in self-direction, and breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on thoughts to let me know who I am, what I should do, instead of me taking self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forsake me within trusting the mind and within trusting others, that somehow the mind and others would know better than me, that I cannot possibly know for sure, which I know is BS, since I can practically walk a timeline of events to see the outcome, and therefore assess what is best for all through this method along with the one and equal principle. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not use others as only a cross-reference for myself, and even then to not believe others but to test for myself in self-honesty again, who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am nothing in comparison to the mind, that I am worthless in comparison to knowledge, that I am not capable of knowing what I should do, and therefore to trust my past completely instead of standing up one and equal to my past, and see the real past and real history of myself, instead of seeing just the mind altered history.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my self-honesty to just that which others can and will agree with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear repercussions from standing within and as self-honesty that others disagree with and reject or dislike.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise my self-honesty when I am being seen by others, where I hide who I am and my self-honesty for fear of rejection and conflict and rather present a nice picture.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I need to get on everyone’s good side in order to have them listen to me later on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior than everyone else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think everyone else is more happier than me and that something is wrong with me and I must change, and get people to like me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want others to tell me what is good or bad about me so I can become more good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider myself as an equal in process and only saw myself as a thing that needed information and input on who to become, when really process is me standing up to change me within the understanding of who we really are as life as all as one and equal, where no one else can show me this, that only I can see this for myself, and there also I am not responsible for whether others see it and can at most show a sliver of it to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to measure who I am according to how relax or happy I feel.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to measure who I am according to how much anxiety, and stress I feel.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to become stressless and anxiety free without understanding how or why I am stressed and feel anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a care-free life when oneness and equality requires caring for all, and ever bit and piece equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowng myself to think I am part of something greater, when really I am not greater and only equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be seen as more.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse this physical body through thinking I am more now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am more.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think anyone can become more.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others disagreeing with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am less than if others disagree with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think people are wrong for not applying their best effort and all they need to do is change and its easy to do so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make assumptions on who another is and what their process has been like, and what others will think of me, when I am the only one here having these thoughts, so they only reveal me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek answers outside of me on who I am, when only I can know who I am, and how I am, and anything else would be a lie.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I need to prove my self-honesty to others and that I am more for being self-honest with me when self-honesty only has to do with me and is for each alone to live with themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can inform another what is self-honest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my self-forgiveness and self-honesty instead of always testing and making sure whether it is really self-honest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think if others agree with me it must mean I am right.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear breaking the bubble, in myself or others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think some beings are more than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I can be more or less than anyone, including life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not focus on my application and living moment to moment and work on me, instead of getting caught up in comparisons, and thoughts, and theories, conspiracies on myself and others, worries, doubts, and concerns.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust a physical movement to mean something, instead of investigating for myself what this physical movement means.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself through trusting blindly my mind, my thoughts, my physical body, my self-honesty, my self-trust, my self-forgiveness, instead of making sure I am here creating who I am, in breath and my starting point is oneness and equality as all as one and equal, since this is self-honest and the more preferable way to live.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be less than who I am because I wanted an easier process.

I commit myself to apply myself fully who I am in everything that I do.

I commit myself to breathe in every moment with and as the physical

I commit myself to utilize others as mirrors for who I am.

I commit myself to establish self-honesty with myself.

I commit myself to create me according to the principle of oneness and equality.