Yogan's Journey to Life

I wrote this today. I was facing my Value system, enjoy. Also, I am not done with this yet. Value System Memory of comparing myself to the other kids in the class. Who is the smart one? I want to be the smart one. But I also did not want to be the nerdy one. I valued getting good grades, being the one who get good grades, like Emma, this girl in elementary school who would get straight A’s. I wanted to be smart. I wanted to be valuable. Judging and comparing others as valuable and not valuable. Feeling negative to be with, associate with the non-valuable kids. Feeling negative to associate with myself if I am non-valuable. I am a person, one and equal to anyone else. This value is a lie. This is something I have created placed on top of life, of me and others. Life is the lungs, breath, hands, feet. Not the mind. Not judgments, thoughts and opinion. These are my creations. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to Emma, my elementary scho...

Tonight, I am writing a blog just to write a blog. I had trouble with this because I have done this before, write a blog just to write a blog, and it wasn't self-supportive. So for the past week, about, I have been just writing for me, only, and posting online, a selection of what I wrote, something that would make a nice blog. But tonight, guess what? I will write a blog just to write a blog AND it will be self-supportive. I am actually here writing directly into the blogger window. So perhaps ideally I might write about some mind point and do self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements and then self-commitment statements. Instead I am going to focus on just what was going on 5 minutes ago. And just open it up. So I saw online how some people were posting how Bernard died about 1 year ago. I bring this up because I was looking on facebook 5 minutes ago and I was looking at some photos of Bernard. I never really got to know him (came up in my mind in that moment), at lea...

  Trust me Character Memory of asking Federicka whether she would trust me to catch her if she fell backwards, like one of those trust exercises. I feel nervous, because Federicka doesn’t trust me, because she said no. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel nervous when Federicka told me that she doesn’t trust me to catch her in a trust exercise. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek trust, because I believe that I can’t have a relationship with a woman she doesn’t trust or if I am not trustworthy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek to become trustworthy or have women trust me so that I can have a relationship with a woman. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust things, based on how I feel, instead of how things act and behave. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that trust is just the predictability of how things will act in cert...

Today I made a list of things to do. I had started with the idea, “what if I lived the same day everyday” and saw how good that can be for me, if I lived such a wonder-full and full day. So that was my starting point, to play pretend, as a fun way to write the list, and I would be making the commitment to repeat each thing every day. As a practical matter, some things on the list can only be done on specific days of the week, such as taking out the garbage or watering the plants only when it hasn’t rain in a while. But I still wrote those kinds of responsibilities or task, because I could then at least check whether those conditions for those tasks have been met for today. So I started with waking up, as both an action and an event of the day. So when I wake up I will have a routine to accomplish. When writing the list I was not strict in having to do things in that order, however, while I am practicing performing these tasks, I will go in order until I have integrated the t...

Energy. Without energy, thoughts, the voices in the head, have no power. What is energy? Is it even a thing, is it a "what"? Is it fictitious, abstract, without shape or form? I mean, its just like happy or sad, you feel it. But can you dissect it, ripe it apart, play with it, rub it between your fingers? So its not like dirt or soil, or like the body of an animal or plant. It has no form. Is it like air, the wind, can you feel it on your skin? I can feel it, not on my skin, but inside, deep inside, where my hands do not go. But am I just feeling my blood, my veins, my stomach, my intestines, my organs, etc... So is energy even real? Or is it some concept that has hijack real components of my physical playing a word game with a real referent. A play with words, or play of belief. Can you really in fact, be Angry? Can someone become anger or fear? Or are you really just moving your physical body? Have you thought of that? That these words of the mind are memories or moveme...

I feel tremendously over the positive appraisals of a Hollywood actor, when that actor has spent years of their life to support children in poverty. Because the individuals that praise the actor for their work, despite the fact that they say how much they care and even love the actor, fail to see the actions, the character, and the example of the actor. How can so many people fall in love with one person, and choose to ignore the obvious?             There are many reasons that I can give for this. One important reason, which in essence explains the entire problem, is this: not understanding one’s own mind. The mind is the focal point, the places where all information passes and is digested. The mind encompasses not only the information as the written word, but also all other forms of information, including but not limited to pictures, smells, sights, sounds, feelings, and emotions. All experiences of oneself must pass th...

This weekend, I was slung on the couch, walked around the kitchen, cleaning dishes, using the toilet, while watching movies from the Hollywood Golden age. Yes, black and white. I do not mean to imply that I was perusing movies from the so-called Golden age, and picked them at random. No, though such a thing would not be an unusual thing for me to do. Especially if the movies would be half as good as Breakfast at Tiffany’s.             It all started when I was in the living, sitting on the couch, watching the television. I don’t remember why I was watching. It may have been a moment of rest, or maybe brash decision made to escape my frustration at my life. Whatever the reason, I had been on the couch watching when a commercial for Godiva chocolate came on! They were using a song, playing “two drifters, off to see the world…” Now I have to admit, I probably did not really hear every word correctly of the song the first t...

My love for the Desteni Message. So a message that I heard about 5 years ago, is utterly simplistic, and answered all my questions. At the time I was looking for a way out... of what I created... who I am. But the message told me, that the freedom that I was looking for could only be found by actually taking responsibility for my living situation, and the living situation of everyone as this world, and the system we are apart of that form the human societies. Within taking that responsibility, I then in that moment felt free. Because I knew what I had to do. I knew who I was. I am myself. I created me. I gave permission to myself to become who I was. And I also gave permission for this world to be as how it existed. So all I have to do is stop giving permission for that, and to actually create the world and the self I want to be. That's it. I said it was utterly simplistic right? Its not about meditation, or ascending to the 9th dimension, or "saving the world" or ...

mmmmmmmmmmmm. Love. mmmmmmmmmmm. Intoxicating. mmmmmmmmmmmm. Exhilarating mmmmmmmmmm. Toxic......... Entrapping............... Why does our love turn into hate? Why can we not love someone stably? Why do succumb ourselves to Highs and then Lows? Why? These are important questions to ask. Do you wish you could no longer feel crappy? Do you wish to no longer feel hate or anger? Do you wish to let go of all depression and all experience of oneself as inferiority? The secret to your questions is within the pattern. The High and then the Low. The Love and then the Hate. The answer is inside of you. I am not being all sensei or mystical or aloof. You are the one that really knows the why and how to your exact situation, as you created your exact situation.

There are two journeys that one can take in your Addiction Support for Porn and Masturbation. The first is the more obvious one. To take a time to stop the addiction. The second is transforming the addiction to an expression. So we start with the first. 1) So there are benefits to stopping the addiction. One benefit is that you see your own ability to command yourself to be a certain way or take a certain action, and you make that action. This is important. There are specific tools and techniques one can use. I will share my personal ones that I have used. As a warning this may or may not be useful to you, which could be because of how I explain them here may not be sufficient for you to understand and this may be out of my control due to vocabulary. Additionally, as with any point, it all depends on your will power. My base technique is breathing. Let me explain, because breathing every single breath in awareness, being here. Let me explain, so being here means listening to every...

As humans, we are born as babies, who only have but potential. Initially we aren’t capable of much, however with time, care, and nurturing, which include teaching and providing a good example. So who knows our potential until we reach it? So the process of walking out of addiction, of porn or masturbation, is similar to the process of growing from the initial birthing process, what we call as infant or babies. So it takes time, care and nurturing to step out of addiction, including teaching and providing a good example, what it is that you will become. And you are very much a person and are able to adjust and change how well you do in learning and stepping out of addiction. When you look at addiction, it is something that was learned. So to step out of addiction will be the same process, just in reverse, and in this time with your own WILL and COMMITMENT. Because what usually happens with addictions, you just fall into it, not knowing really what you were doing, kind of lik...

If you ask most people what the walking dead tv show is about, they would most likely say it is about survival. I think that's wrong, I think its about living. I will try to explain why. For many people, the word survival is negative, and its about doing the bare minimum so you wont die. With this definition, a person who is surviving would have a crappy life. However, another definition for survival, which I think is more accurate, is simply taking care of one's basic needs that are required to exist here. These are not wants or desire, the requirements are NEEDS. Do you see the difference between a want and a need? So survival, according to this definition is something everyone who is alive today are most likely doing. And for some we are meeting this requirement better than others. For example, some people are dying from the lack of intake of food, so their bodies are slowly withering away. Their needs are not met. Those of us that have our survival taken care of, with...

Believing that I don't deserve the best. Believing that I don't deserve the best opportunity, the best life, the best qualities, the best way of living, the best living situation, the best circumstances, the best dreams/hopes/plans/desire, the best future, the best people/friends surrounding me, the best chances, the best. If I give myself the worst, I receive the worst. If I give myself the best, I receive the best. I create myself, my fate, my consequence, my destiny, with what I give myself. I, Yogan, forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not deserve the best.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not deserve the best  opportunity to succeed in everything I do. I, Yogan, forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the best life possible, because I felt guilty that others are not living the best life possible. What I give myself, I will make sure that others have al...

2 Incompatible definitions for love. Which one do you choose? I looked up the definition for love in my dictionary. In the Merriam-webster's Collegiate dictionary, there are several definitions for love. When I look at the definitions for love, I see two definitions that I know of very well. They are 1) Strong affection for another, and 2) unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. Many definitions in the dictionary or in used in daily life by average people reflect some version of these two definitions. However I notice how in the dictionary there are several versions that speak to option 1, and little to nothing for option 2, which is very similar to daily life. How many people use definition 2? Few or many? And how many use definition 1? Few or Many? So you see perhaps why I am writing this. I am writing this because for me, in my experience, these two definitions are incompatible, because the starting points are different, not the same, for the two defini...

This is about you. (no question mark) What is interesting is that everything is always about you. What you think, what you feel, what you see, your reactions, your movements, is you. Its about you. What you see on tv, the wars, the movies, the starvation, death, murders, stories, animal abuse, rapes, poverty, wealth, inequality,  its always about you. What you see is you. And if you close your eyes, the darkness you see is also you. When you run away, its you. When you hide its you. When you cry or complain its you. When you stand up and stop, its you. When you change its you. So no matter what, this existence is you, and every moment you are yourself.

Ok so when I was coming here to write this post, I was preparing to say how I fear losing someone because of who I am, what I do/did. Now, however, I mean I have faced this point before, so this time I am facing it, it is rather a point of excitement, because I get to see who a person is, in response to who I am and what I did. Will they react? Will they stand? What? And I am excited more because there is a chance, a chance beyond all odds, all chances, that this person will stand. And that chance that possibility, that something real could manifest as a person here in the flesh, is exciting. So its not really an excitement, but really an anticipation to what is to come. You could say I am hoping they stand, because I want everyone to stand, and when they stand I feel like celebrating. And its just something amazing to marvel at for a moment. And it then reminds me of who I am, and my stand, and to see the same standing in another making the same stand as me, is just amazing to see. I...