Yogan's Journey to Life

 So I have been using Authority incorrectly. And it has to do with my relationship to Authority. My design is one where I completely submitted to and feared not meeting the expectations of Authority. So I was motivated to do what I did, getting good grades, learning, behaving in class, which included denying myself socializing in class, not being loud, not drawing too much attention to myself, and trusting in authority. So if I were ever in a position of Authority, I would expect the same behavior from others to my Authority. So I naturally would be angry and frustrated (edit: I felt angry and frustrated because I was expecting others to conform to my Authority, when I am in a position of Authority, just like I conformed to others in positions of Authority) I have been letting go of my fear of Authority. And it is changing me radically. It is allowing me to see how I can relate to others without placing expectations on them. I am equally not placing expectations on myself that had ...

 The One Test: Decide that I will not be thinking for the next few minutes. You are the one who makes that decision. "I decide I will not think for now" See then what happens as you live your decision. What I see is that there are voices, which are thoughts speaking, that are not my decision. I did not decide to think those things. I never decided to think them. I know they didn't come from my decisions.  This One Test, that all of humanity can perform, reveals how we have a stream of thoughts throughout our day that is not our choice. When we choose something, that is us. When we say I will stop doing this and you immediately stop it. That decision is you. What makes living our decisions difficult is the fact that we aren't paying attention to what we are doing and living in this moment. What we are thinking is not our decisions. Our thoughts is not us. And I will call this collection of stuff that is not us, the mind (as many others have done so in the past and pres...

 The Design of Love is to serve the Mind. That is to serve the enslavement of ourselves, and the non-realization of what and who we are. The greatest strength that serves love's deception is everyone belief that it is good, that it should be protected. This primarily comes from moments of feeling good and labeling that as love. Its a simple design yet effective. With this protection, love then can be utilized to do harm, because it is said to be done in the name of Love.  I personally am committed to making money and using that money to help people. Yet it is seen as bad, because of the design that says you should do something you Love to do. As if doing something you Love to do is the right choice. And one of the fears I have is what if what I do to make money becomes obsolete. Well, the commonsense answer is that I can simply do something else that makes money. I see living for doing something you love to do, is essentially a ruse where I want to avoid doing things that make...

 I am feeling a lot of things. I do want to run away and hide from what I am feeling, and from the people that are bringing them up in me. I know that what I feel is from me, and not from them. I feel afraid of dissappointing people, like my parents, but also my friends. I am afraid of dissappointing people because they may leave me. And I want to keep people with me.  I rather hide and not deal with anyone. I know that I also get dissapointed in other people and so get angry at them. And I think to myself that I am only helping them, by keeping them on the right path. And I hate myself for this because I know it drives people away, which is the opposite of what I want. I feel like I have to be dissappointed in myself and angry at myself in order to keep myself on the right path.  I rather run away and not deal with people, so i don't have to be disappointed in them or try to keep them on the right path. Then i avoid being angry. I dont want to be angry.  Maybe I don...