“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

My story: why I support Living Income Part 1



So why do I support Living Income? Well, I haven't always supported living income. Today that I write this I am 24 years old, next month turning 25. When I was 18 years old, I believe Enlightenment is what Humanity needed, meaning that I had to become enlightened, like the gurus of India. This idea I had since I was very young around middle school especially (around 13 years old). But it had it roots earlier in that, from growing up with my parents, since as young as 7 years old, my mother and father taught us about meditation.

So this is my story. How did I, someone who grow up in a spiritual family, who's parents both believed in enlightenment as the best course to take, and who himself believed so for practically 11 years, change his point of view, that we actually need to change not only ourselves, which is what enlightenment is about, but to also at the same time changing how the world works out there, what we call the System. And also, how did I then make enlightenment something practical, tangible, where I do evolve and develop and change as a person so that I am more strong and capable? Because I no longer believe that enlightenment is an experience you will have, but more that you are an active creator of who you are in every moment.

So these are the questions that I will answer in blog posts to come.

So to start, let's start in the moment of change. Like for most people, moment of change comes with a great crisis. So I had such a great crisis when I was 18 years old. I was a Freshman in my first year at a 4 year college. And within my first few months there I met a girl, and had my first relationship. At the end of the first semester I also had my first breakup. She did break up with me. So many might be able to relate that the first relationship you have, and the other person ending it or breaking it off, and how you still want to find a way to be together and keep the relationship alive. So for those that can't relate, it was many weeks and months of emotional hell. I in a way questioned everything, questioned myself, and I just felt unsure and lost. So I turned to what I held dear for so long and what I believed had deep meaning, which was meditation and God.

So in my time of crisis I went to that which I believed should be my pillar and support, as what I believed for many years since childhood to be the best use of my time. So I meditated, and I read books about the subject, and listened to audio. I was determined to meditate to become enlightened. I have to say that now looking back, which I didn't realize was the case in the moment, that I wasn't supported by what I was doing. That it was in a way pointless and, because it was pointless, it was making things worse. So meditation didn't help me with this emotional pain I had from my breakup. Everything I tried in meditation, it just felt the same, like nothing was good. And I did have a few moments where I thought I had some breakthrough into enlightenment which I responded with feeling great, and wonderful for some hours. But soon enough as the feeling came, it also left, and I was back to square one.

So I within me, having made this commitment to really meditate to my best of my ability, and seeing very little to no results, in some part of me I knew it wasn't working. That the approach I was taking was off. During that time I started asking my intuition for guidance. To find something that will help.

So you can say at this point I knew enlightenment wasn't the way, but I still knew that I wanted to release this emotional experience, as well as many others I have had throughout my life. Because this was my ultimate goal, and enlightenment was just what I believed to be the best way until that point. So there when I had tested meditation to the highest degree, I was ready to try something else.

So to explain my mindset at this point in my life, up until and during this moment of crisis, I believed at the time that spending your time to try and change the world, wouldn't work because you had to change how people thought or saw the world. So I didn't spend anytime in any practical projects that would change people's economic situation for example, and when such topics of conversation would come up, I would usually answer somewhere along the lines that you had to also change people's level of consciousness as well or it won't work. Changing your level of consciousness I believed to mean having to meditate, and stop your thoughts, and reaching a point of enlightenment where you have no ego. This is also why I was a philosophy major at the time too, because I believed through writing philosophy or writing books I would change people.

Now looking back, I would say that I was a very emotional person, fearful, and within that fear I hadn't dared to fully apply what I believed in. Because I had many years, 11 of them, which I could have fully applied meditation, or followed what I believed, but I was always fearful. And ironically, it was the fear itself that I wanted to stop through meditation and enlightenment. So I knew I had to be brave and just do it. So that I only did when I went through my moment of crisis, and so when I was tested as a person. In a way, going to test what I believed, made me stronger, and a confidence that I could do it, meaning finally end this emotional, fearful, experience I have felt for what seemed like always. But I knew, for a fact, that I wasn't always so emotional and fearful, because in my early childhood I didn't feel that way, when I was younger than 5 or 6. So that point of being without fear is where I wanted to get to again. To become a child again.

Now, coming back to the present, I am someone who regularly advocates for Living Income, and is willing to donate to, and participate politically in a political party with Living Income as its agenda. So how did I get from who I was before at 18 years old to who I am now? What has happened these past 7 years? Because now fear doesn't stop me from speaking up, or facing challenges, that both are a guarantee for someone who is an advocate for Living Income, or any political movement, for that matter. How did I change from a fearful meditator, to someone who is outspoken and confident in what he shares with others?

To be continued...

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