“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

About Expressing Open Honesty

So I am writing a 2nd blog today, not so that I can write a 2nd blog for today, but so that I can help myself remember something important, something that I did just now, that I saw was really cool, which came out from something I learned saw relating to what someone a long time ago said to me. Basically let me start from the beginning. I was having this conversation with this guy and I had it saved on skype from way back when, and so I was looking at the conversation. Now what is interesting was that he had asked me some questions  and that developed into a conversation. BUT, and this is a HUGE BUT. that one of the first questions he asked me, I lied to the question. So to clarify both for myself and for others, and this is an important point. It wasn't your typical, as in normally accepted as normal lie, instead it was how I have very often lied in this life. I lied within a pressure and belief in my mind. So I gave him false information is what I mean to say. But it is very important here, because I knew that what I was saying wasn't the truth, but I just accepted it and allowed the false answer to sit there. And from that point the conversation developed, however everything after that point was invalid, because it was all based on this lie. Soo, this is important.

Because what was the truth in that moment, I knew what it was and if I had spoken or clarified the point, even after I had accepted and allowed the point, to then go back and fix the miscommunication or misunderstanding, then things could have been completely different. And this was a significant moment, because he had been asking me what I wanted, and what I wanted is not yet something I have allowed myself to go after, which was something unspoken. So here, this pattern/tendency is to sort of just accept things as the way they are or as they come up, instead of directing myself and the point so its how I want it.

So from this realization, the lesson for me to learn and apply is honesty. And so I decided to apply that and viola, I was speaking and communicating a point clearly. There was no fumbling, or at least much less than when I normally speak in every day life, and I knew what I want, and I was just simply sharing myself. I didn't have to think about things. I just had to express things. There was no doubt, insecurity, worry or fear. I was simply expressing me. So I want to remember this moment and what I did, so that I continue doing this. Because what I notice is that there is the pressure, force, tendency and habit that will go in an opposite direction to what I want, which is to express myself as this open honesty.

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