“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Day-37: Dimensions of a Song, a Script of My Life.


 I explore various dimensions within the pokemon theme song, that are layered within myself.
“I gotta be the very best, that no one ever was, to catch them will be my real test, to train them will be my cause, I will battle across the land, searching far and wide, pokemon to win the FIGHT! Its always been my dream. I know its my destiny, you’re my best friend in a world we must defend, gotta catch them all."
So this shows something cool & revealing about me. I would watch the pokemon show as a kid and I remember always feeling very emotional when hearing the song. So I was sitting here reading HJTL and the theme song came up. I within looking at the theme song see several themes about me.
“I gotta be the very best”
-this describes my desire to be the best and my motivation which is essentially a character.
“that no one ever was”
-This reveals to me how I don’t want anyone else to be as good as me.
“to catch them will be my real test, to train them will be my cause”
-I saw within these words how I would try and recruit followers to believe in my knowledge points and wise words and beliefs on how the world is. Like this was my purpose. To free them… lol.
“I will battle across the land”
-This is showing me my intense desire to fight to win at games or even in discussing with others my knowledge points, so also my intelligence of trying to be the smart one.
“searching far and wide”
- this I saw my constant searching and looking for people who would listen to me and follow me or constant searching for games to play or a discussion to be had.
pokemon to win the FIGHT!
-Competition Character
“Its always been my dream”
-This point of dream is a prevalent theme in my life (row row row your boat gently down the stream merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream). I feel emotional when I think of my dreams, and desires and hopes, as I would constantly imagine and fantasize them when I was “bored” which I saw I did purposefully to create entertainment for myself in my imagination and fantasies.
“I know its my destiny”
-hoping and desiring my destiny will match up with my fantasies and dreams and hopes and desires yet still commited to the belief and cause of following god’s will and my purpose and plan for me in this life that I believed strongly I had, and so I was willing to make ANY sacrifice to make sure I did what was I thought best for all in that there were angels, and gurus and spirits that knew more than I and were in a process of bringing children on this earth to raise awareness and WHY? I was only interested in what was in it for me, a cushy place in heaven or this existence with a cushy wife and feel like im helping people. (I remember I used the word feel very often, I never questioned it though and my mom would always speak of following one’s heart and love is the highest good, follow your heart it will guide you).
 “you’re my best friend in a world we must defend, gotta catch them all. ”
- So yeah, searching for friends and followers and finding my group and companions to be like happy and feel like we are the defenders and protectors and somehow are the best for doing this sacrifice and loved by all. I had wanted myself to be like a guide for all the special, crystal children and other kids who are suppose to be like aware beings, lol, and I was preparing myself through trying to get enlightened and trying to be like a guru with guidance knowledge. I went to the extreme of wanting to sacrifice myself to let absolute guidance guide everything for me that I would take zero responsibility, zilch so that somehow what is best for all would happen. It was around that time of extreme pushing in meditation and guided walking that I stumbled onto desteni, which made complete sense, though I was afraid. Starting from zero responsibility I was determined to become self-honest, lol, so yeah here I am after those years ago, in the process of self-honesty through equalizing myself with all, which this open sharing of myself is a part.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blindly follow my heart, my emotions and my feelings, as I knew they were working for my own self-interest and I could not fathom another way to live, that I would die without my pleasure, video games, Love, my heart, lol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sacrifice myself to such an extent that really I was completely allowing the mind to have complete dominion over this physical body and I was reduced to a small point of energizing a system and only be aware and observe all that was going on (Mark: Ob-serving Character).
I commit myself to stand with and as this physical reality and take responsibility one and equal for the consequences we have all created through acceptance and allowance.
I forgive myself for accepting myself to believe that the highest good is scripted and exists all ready and requires our complete submission to a will outside of ourselves and so we give up responsibility in having a say or in creating this world, and so never questioning how I can leave the fate of this existence in the hands of someone I never knew, a stranger, that would constantly feed me love as a sweet treat that I knew was intoxicating and debilitating and got me into all sorts of trouble as it was not practical to be in love within completing responsibilities and walking this real practical physical reality where one has to communicate with people and love would never give a solution to ending fear really only to cover it up with love (leading to consequence for all)
I commit myself to walk physically with beings in assisting and supporting them to become aware of who they have accepted and allowed themselves to become and so do this same process with me, in establishing awareness of who I have accepted and allowed myself to become, and so take this who I am into forgiveness within considering what is best for all, which requires real, practical, living beings that understand how this reality works and act upon this commonsense of this reality, which operate in a specific space time equation that can be understood and calculated and worked with as it is a stable point and what allows us to even exist here together.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question the point of my parents urging me to pick a job I would LOVE to do and WOULD do for the rest of my life, where I would do it NOT for money, and so accepting and allowing the abuse of looking for something I would LOVE to do and not see that LOVE can be a practical physical manifestation in our living, and only have I ever seen LOVE as a feeling or experience to be felt by myself and others, and so completely neglect actual support and actual care and actual trust, and actual stability and actual knowledge placed in love, and actual consideration and equality, and actual oneness within equality and what that would entail. Instead I had become a robot that looks for points or buttons I can push to trigger the love within people through using of words and knowledge not placed within actual consideration of the consequences that this feeling called love leads to within a being’s life.
I commit myself to place myself in a position of a work that leads to the consequence of what is best for all.
I commit myself to make choosing a job be an actual consideration of real physical factors, time, money, location, work, consequence etc….
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be overzealous on competing in games, not seeing the direct indication I was not a loving being if all I cared about was an experience of winning and I felt GOOD when seeing the loser in shock or sadness, and where my true nature is revealed in video games where I can set my real self free where I believed that video games are not real and games are not real and nothing personal, leading to personal attacks and Celebration (Mark: celebration character) when winning in rubbing it in the person’s face that I won and you lost, and we had an equal chance at winning so I am better.
I commit myself to when playing video games and seeing I react with joy, happiness or any positive energy (or negative like anger, hatred, despair) to stop become here as the physical and simply direct myself within creating consequences that support what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forsake the physical through believing awareness or consciousness is the point that humans need to increase within by becoming aware of the consequences of not acting in Love, and that they are responsible for their own experience through not acting in Love, and that we had to become more Loving within everything we do, speak, and touch, without realizing what Love actually is as a feeling and how that the Real Love of the physical would be completely Physically based and that no man, not even god is above the physical and to forsake our home is to forsake ourselves, this is us, the dirt is us we have missed us in the physical and have not been Loving as of yet.
I commit myself to place my time and structure my life to support our home, this earth, this body, through equal and one living and consideration of how to care and actually love, as measured in quantifiable decisions and actions that support what is best for all, and so end all energetic definitions and values placed on the word love through the redefinition of the word love in this world to be one and equal with this physical reality and so as all as one and equal.

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